Secrets
by Grissom1
Summary: A tragedy brings Sara back to Vegas but her stay is brief and what she takes this time with her causes unbearable heartache for them later. Can Grissom replace what has been lost? GSR ALWAYS alternate universe so events are at my disposal. LOL
1. Chapter 1

**Secrets**

He'd gone through the house a hundred times and documented each piece of evidence. It didn't matter that it was his house. It felt like a crime scene. His life had been taken and he wanted it back. He chose to follow reasoning rather than his heart. He told himself the evidence never lies. He'd told her that when he was the professor and she was his student.

He shook off the memory as he focused on the task.

_Focus on the evidence._

The evidence doesn't lie.

_Her shoes…_

Those were her favorite running shoes. She ran every day in those shoes. They remained under the bed just where she hid them from Hank. Surely she would have taken them if she did not intend to come back

_Her hat and jacket…_

He remembered that day she wore them when he admitted he'd never become interested in beauty until her. It had shocked her and inwardly he was glad she still seemed interested in such a screwed up man as he. He remembered how he had wrapped that very scarf around her wrists pinning her against the counter in the kitchen as he made love to her. She said she never wanted to lose that scarf.

_Her keepsakes…_

She never really had much but that which she valued remained in the top of their closet. He pulled them down and memorized every piece. He especially loved the few photos of Sara as a child. Her face was always innocent looking but there was a haunting look in her eyes that told him she had already seen too much horror of the world in her youth. He'd looked into those eyes a thousand times and never tired of the soul looking back at him. He gulped back another wave of emotion.

_Her book…_

He'd given her a book of poetry that first year for Christmas. She had smiled when she saw that it was not another Entomology textbook. Her bookmark still remained where she had stopped reading and he could not for the life of him figure why she would leave it behind. It was something she cherished and kept by her bedside on sleepless nights when he had been working. He often would find it still tucked under her pillow when he turned in to sleep. He could still remember his exact words the moment she opened the Christmas gift.

"_Some people say it better than others," he had whispered. "In case you forget…how I really feel." _

He nodded as if he'd found the one piece of evidence that proved his theory. He pulled out the letter she had left months ago. The letter had been painful to read but in the end he knew she loved him. He also knew she had not wanted to leave and that she was not leaving him, but she left in order to help herself. She had later told him it had been the hardest thing she had ever done. She had left to avoid letting him see her self –destruct. It was a just a matter of days or weeks depending on the draw of the case. The cases had always seemed to dictate her life.

Self destruction would have been inevitable if she had stayed.

_She just needed time and space…_

_She's coming back…._

_You'll see…_

_She's not really gone…_

He patted Hank on the head.

It gave him little comfort as he rolled over to face another sleepless shift.

The unthinkable happened.

Warrick died.

It was death that drove her away and it was death that brought her back.

Neither was really good at death.

For two people who'd seen more death than anyone should, they hid from it, blocked it out by locking themselves in the bedroom for hours of lovemaking.

He'd pulled her into his arms and made love to her. It was desperate and needful but then they were each using the other as a means of coping with their friend's death.

He had been hopeful when she moved about the house as if she had never left while he struggled to maintain some kind of normalcy at work. When she talked of leaving he had taken his pain and lashed out at her through his words.

She had left without a word this time.

He'd sat there on their bed and swiped at his eyes.

He'd been fine until this goodbye.

He had just learned to live and now he realized that he didn't know how to live without Sara.

He told himself to look at the evidence once more and he would come to the same conclusion again.

_She's not really gone…for good…_

She had left her things just as before but his words had been damaging and somehow he thought she just might ask him to send them to her.

He wouldn't.

He'd make her come and get them.

He'd make her come back and face him but then he planned to beg her to stay.

He could do that.

He wasn't above begging but then something unexpected happened.

The video arrived.

He felt his heart shatter as he stood there listening to her video goodbye. He struggled to maintain his balance and found himself adrift with nothing to ground him. The others looked to him for guidance in their worst hour as the lab tried to move on with the loss of Warrick.

Warrick's death was felt every day.

Grissom set the example as he worked and worked.

What else could he do?

All sense of balance between living and working came to a screeching halt. He'd fumbled through the cases, not sure of his actions and wondered how he would ever get through her goodbye.

He couldn't.

He wouldn't.

He made up an excuse to ask Heather for her expertise on a case.

He didn't really need the advice.

He just needed Heather.

In truth, he needed to see someone who understood him.

She did.

In fact, she knew him probably more than Sara because there was no need to hide anything from Heather. He knew she would accept him just as he had accepted her.

With Sara, he feared that if he displayed all of his fallacies for her to see, she would not want him anymore.

When Heather summed up what he'd been feeling for weeks, he knew he'd come to the right person. He also knew that when she offered him a place to live, he would move in immediately because he did not know how to live alone anymore.

Sara had done that.

He'd curled up on Heather's guest bed and had even asked Heather to stay with him.

She had.

She had sat in a chair and pulled out a book she had been reading and quietly pretended to read as he cried softly.

He didn't know why he did not seem to find any difficulty in displaying his true feelings to her when he hid from everyone else.

He knew she was a safe place to fall apart and he did so for several hours as she remained by his side in silence. His hand reached out and grabbed hers. She let him take it. She even let him pull her into his arms. He cried Sara's name over and over until he had fallen asleep while Heather gently consoled him.

_She can't be really gone…_

When it was time for shift, Heather gently woke him. He was surprised when he found some of his things lying in a chair.

"I took the liberty of sending someone to pick up a few things for you," Heather said quietly.

"Thank you," he'd managed to say before slipping into the bathroom to shower.

When he stepped out, she was sitting in a chair waiting for him.

"Would you like for me to have your things delivered here?" she asked.

He took everything she offered.

She made things simple again.

Sara used to do that.

She had managed the most minute details but everything came to a screeching halt with her departure from his life and he needed to be cared for again.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Life for Gil Grissom was slowly returning to some semblance of the past before Sara Sidle had broken his heart.

Sara called.

Brass was surprised when she did.

He had managed to track her down a few months ago in San Francisco and had visited her.

It took her by surprise.

It took him by surprise.

Her secret had now been revealed and he found himself in an awkward situation.

He wanted to call Grissom but in the end she had managed to get a promise out of him which he was sure would end a twenty year friendship.

He decided it was worth the risk.

She had been distraught.

She had a right to be.

His friend had turned her away when they needed each other the most.

He had hoped she would stay but in the end she left without so much of a goodbye or a kiss.

Of course, she sent that video letting him know she was happy.

_You don't have to worry about me anymore…_

_I'm happy…_

_I thought we could weather anything…_

Neither had spoken to one another for months.

Brass sat there now holding her hand.

He had panicked when he received the phone call.

It was cryptic.

"Please come. I need you," she had whispered.

It was all that needed to be said.

He smiled when her eyes opened.

"Hey kiddo," Brass said softly.

"Sorry, I had to call you…there was no one else," she said.

"I'm here. I'm glad you called," he said.

"They insisted on having someone here," she said.

"Want to tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Car ran the red light," she said flinching slightly when she tried to sit up.

"Don't move," he said. "The nurse told me you should be still."

She tensed.

He felt it.

"Want me to get the nurse?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Listen. I've been quiet for a long time," he said as he held her hand firmly. "We need to call him."

"No!"

"Sara, he needs to be here," said Brass.

"He doesn't care…anymore. I gave him a chance but he never bothered to…come to me."

"He would have come had he known about the baby."

"He should have come…but he chose her."

_He moved in with Heather…_

_He ran to her and not me…_

He became frightened when she squeezed his hand.

It hurt.

"Contraction?" he asked.

She nodded letting the fear show in her eyes.

He was up now getting a nurse.

He was shoved to the side as the nurse called in the doctor. He felt his blood pressure rise with each contraction and the looks on the other's faces.

It was too soon.

He slipped outside and pulled out his phone.

He cursed when he could not be reached with the first try.

He tried again.

He tried once more when more staff rushed into the room and now Sara was unconscious and they were wheeling her away with a nurse yelling that her pressure was dropping. He held his breath as he watched them work on her in the hallway and then they were rushing her into the elevator while he stood there with a phone in his hand listening to his voice mail once again.

He thought to throw the phone across the room when he heard a familiar voice.

He flipped it open immediately.

"You called," came Grissom's voice.

"I need you here now!" yelled Brass.

"What's happened?"

"It's Sara. You've got to come now…she needs you," said Brass.

"I'm on my way…where is she?" he asked nervously.

"Desert Palms Hospital…Gil, you need to get here immediately."

He heard his friend lose control for a moment.

"I'm on my way."

Brass sat there in the waiting room and began the long wait.

An hour passed and a physician hurried out.

"Mr. Brass?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Ms. Sidle is stable again. We're going to try to delay the delivery as much as possible."

"How is the baby?"

"He's in distress. We're watching his vitals. If they drop any further, we'll have no choice but to do an emergency delivery."

"What's the likelihood he'll survive?"

"It's not good. He's very premature. His lungs are not functioning…the longer we can delay the delivery, the better chance he'll have."

"Does she know this?"

"Yes. We told her since she didn't list the father on the emergency form."

"He's on his way."

"Good. I'm not sure how this is going to go. Ms. Sidle is refusing to let us treat her. She could be bleeding internally but she won't risk any harm to the baby."

"Could I see her?" he asked.

"In a few minutes," said the doctor.

He felt someone touch his arm and he turned to see a very tired Grissom standing there.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Is this the father?" asked the physician.

"Sara is my wife," announced Grissom.

Brass stared at his friend.

"I wasn't aware Ms. Sidle was married," said the physician as he looked at Brass.

"Sara is very private," said Brass.

"I can assure you we're married," said Grissom.

"Good. We'll have to ask you to make some difficult decisions," said the physician.

Grissom swallowed hard, "What decisions?"

"It may come down to Sara's life or the baby's."

Brass watched as all color left his friend's face.

A feather could have knocked him over at that moment.

Note from author:

Welcome everyone. To everyone new, my rules are rather simple. The story is already completed but just needs to be proofread by me. I will post a chapter every day and sometimes another chapter in the evenings. All I ask is for you to leave a review for each chapter. This is my alternate Universe so events will be quite different. I am currently working on a CSI story that I wish I could post now but it's just not finished….sigh…oh well. Due to requests, I have decided to go ahead and post this one while I finish the other. Enjoy.

Take care!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Baby?" asked Grissom.

"He's too premature. We're giving him drugs to try to mature his lungs…he needs time. Sara is trying to give him that but her injuries may require emergency surgery and she's refusing. You could make those decisions…I'm not sure how long she's going to be conscious."

He felt the room spinning and Brass pulled him down to the nearest chair.

"What are their chances?"

The physician glanced at Brass and then Grissom.

"Sara's chances are good if we go in now…if we wait, it could go either way."

He felt as if he'd been kicked in the gut.

"The baby?" he managed to get out.

"The baby has a forty percent chance of survival…every hour that goes by increases that survival rate."

"How much?" he asked.

"If we can delay the delivery for a few more hours, the odds would increase to fifty percent. Another day might increase the odds to fifty to sixty percent."

He didn't like the odds.

"Can Sara wait that long?"

"Mr. Grissom it's my opinion that if we wait, we will most likely lose your wife and the baby might not make it any way."

He swallowed hard.

He hated the odds.

"I'll talk with her," he replied.

"I'll arrange it," said the physician.

Brass grabbed his arm.

"She doesn't know I called you. She's going to be pissed."

"How long have you known about this?" he asked.

"A couple of months," muttered Brass.

Grissom cursed. "You should have told me!"

"Look, I've been keeping an eye on her. That's a hell of a lot more than you've done."

"I didn't leave…she did. She left twice."

"She left Vegas…not you."

It was an old argument.

"How did this happen?"

"Drunk driver ran the stop light," said Brass.

A nurse appeared.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes?"

"Will you follow me?"

Grissom disappeared down the hall. He waited for a moment before entering the room. She was asleep when he entered. He was thankful. It gave him a moment to sit and look at her. He had missed her with every breath and just sitting beside her brought back all the heartache. It had been a bitter ending. It really wasn't even an ending. She had left and he had let her.

His hand found hers and he pulled it to his lips.

Her eyes opened and they looked at one another.

"Hey," he whispered.

"He shouldn't have called," she moaned.

"Yes, he should have," he said.

She pulled her hand away and for a brief moment she saw hurt and anger behind his eyes.

"Sara, I spoke with the physicians. You need surgery."

"Not yet," she said.

"You can't wait."

"Yes, I can and I will," she said.

"The odds…"

"I'm not having surgery until his lungs are fully developed. The medication is helping…he just needs time," she grimaced. "I'm giving him that."

"You may not have the time to give," he warned.

"He comes first," she insisted.

"You sound like a Catholic," he grieved.

"I don't care what I sound like. He comes first," she repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked suddenly.

"I'm not discussing this with you now. I don't even want you here!" she spat.

It hurt like hell.

The pain seemed never ending when it came to Sara.

He started to strike back like he had done so many times in the past but he stopped himself.

She was right.

It was not the time.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset," he sighed.

"You didn't. I don't care what you say anymore. I got over you months ago."

He flinched as she gripped the bed.

"Are you okay? Do I need to get someone?" he asked suddenly.

She shook her head.

"Contraction?" he asked fearfully.

"No."

She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of the baby monitor.

_Strong and steady…_

_That's my boy…_

_Just breathe in and out…_

_A few more hours …_

_Not yet…_

_We can make it…_

She gripped the bed once more.

"Is the pain getting worse?"

"Go back to Heather," she gritted between bouts of pain. "Go back to her."

"You never trusted me with her," he said.

"Should I?" she asked.

He said nothing and it was his silence that shattered what little hope she held out that he had not been unfaithful.

"Go away Grissom," she seethed.

"That's your name also," he said quietly.

"You can have it back," she grieved.

"I don't want it back," he said. "I don't give something and take it back…you do that."

She glared at him and for the life of him he had no idea why he was trying to start a fight when Sara's life hung in the balance.

He could not even wrap his brain around the idea of a baby…their baby…that might not survive.

It was too much.

The past year had been too much.

She closed her eyes and focused on the calming techniques she had learned over the last few months.

"Did you ever trust me with Heather?" he asked.

"I trusted you with my life, my heart and soul when I married you," she cried.

Her eyes shot open.

"I didn't leave you Gil. I left this," she said.

He wasn't sure what she meant.

"I'm tired of death. I've lived with it all my life and now I guess I'm not running anymore," she said barely above a whisper.

Memories of Adam Trent holding the make shift knife against her neck came crashing back. It no sooner passed then flashes of Natalie in the interrogation room appeared. He could almost hear his pleas for her to tell him where Sara was. It was followed by the sheer terror he felt when he saw the partial body in the desert as he dug with his own bare hands not caring about contamination of a precious crime scene. The last image still haunted him in his dreams. He remembered seeing her lifeless body as they struggled to save her. Warrick proved to them just how precious life was and yet they had let life separate them.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye," he professed.

"You already have," she wept. "Go home Griss."

"I have no home. I haven't had a home since you left! You promised me the world and then you took it away. I risked everything and gained nothing! You left me! I don't know how to be alone anymore. You know me," he pleaded. "No one else does."

"Heather knows you," she trembled. "Heather has always known you."

"Sara…don't do this," he begged.

"If you…ever loved…me…protect him…protect this baby…protect him," she urged.

"Sara?"

"All things come to an end," she whispered. "He shouldn't."

She felt the life slowly draining from her.

_So this is what it's like to die…_

_Just need to hang on long enough for…_

He grabbed the call button.

Nurses and doctors appeared as he gave them permission for emergency surgery.

He watched as they whisked her away while he stood there and wondered if he would ever hold her warm hand again.

Grissom kept to himself as Catherine whispered softly to Brass.

He didn't know when she arrived.

He had been too busy staring at the double doors and praying that someone would give him some kind of word.

As the door opened, a surgeon appeared. He knew that everything would change the moment the surgeon gave him the news.

He couldn't lose her.

God help him, he had chosen the life of Sara over their child.

She would hate him.

He just wanted her alive.

He could not bear the thought of losing her.

_I thought we could weather anything…_

"Mr. Grissom?"

He stood slowly.

"Your wife is out of surgery. She's in recovery right now. You'll be able to see her in a few hours."

He sighed followed by a sudden sense of overwhelming fear.

"The baby?" he asked.

"The baby is in intensive care. He's a fighter but I have to be honest with you Mr. Grissom. Most babies his gestational age do not survive. The next seventy- two hours are critical."

"Can I see him?"

"Yes, if you'll follow the nurse, she can take you to the neonatal unit."

Grissom stood there in front of the window and stared into the incubator.

Beneath the wires and the hoses lay a small body.

The sight horrified him.

His hand covered his mouth as his other pressed against the glass.

"Gil?"

He kept his eyes on the small body.

"Gil?" repeated Catherine.

"He's uhm too small," he heard himself say.

"He's a fighter…like Sara," she said as her hand entwined with his.

Grissom shook his head. "I did this."

"How?" she asked.

"I chose Sara over him," he agonized.

"Gil, you didn't decide anything. There was no more time left…Sara did the best she could. It's up to him now," said Catherine.

"He's so small," he said again.

"So is Sara," replied Catherine.

"Gil!" called Brass.

He refused to turn.

"It's Sara," said Brass.

It made him turn.

"The doctors want to talk with you," he said.

He glanced back at the baby before heading down the hall. The doctor was waiting for him.

"Mr. Grissom, I wanted to talk with you about your wife's condition," said Dr. Allen.

"The surgeon told me they had to remove her ruptured spleen," said Grissom.

"The splenectomy was completed immediately when Sara continued to have problems breathing. The greatest concern with this type of surgery is the risk of infection. Sara began running a temperature an hour ago and it's going up. We're giving her antibiotics hoping to stave off any further complications. Her ribs were bruised from the impact of the airbag."

He nodded trying to take everything in.

"We'd like to restrict any visitors in Sara's room right now until the fever is gone….just as a precaution from exposing her to…"

"Of course," Grissom agreed. "Wait…I want to be with her."

"Are you ill?"

"No."

"We'd like for you to go through a sterilization process each time…that applies to your son as well."

"My son?" he asked.

"You want to see your son, don't you?" asked Dr. Allen.

"Yes…I didn't know I would be permitted."

"The best thing for your son is human contact. His doctor will talk more with you about that."

Grissom nodded.

Grissom rubbed his eyes as he sat there in the hallway.

Catherine sat down beside him.

"Go back, Catherine," he said closing his eyes.

"I can stay," she said. "Besides, the guys are depending on me for updates."

"How are they?" whispered Brass to Catherine.

"Sara is running a temperature…they're afraid it's an infection," explained Catherine.

All heads turned when Lady Heather appeared.

"Oh Christ," seethed Brass.

Note from author:

Thanks to everyone who has left a review. I am busy working on another story that I hope to post as soon as this one ends.

Take care!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

Brass and Heather exchanged glances briefly before she knelt down in front of Grissom.

Her hands instinctively clasped his face.

"How are you?" she asked.

He said nothing as his head dropped to her shoulder and she pulled him into an embrace.

Catherine appeared shocked.

"Good to see you again Heather," said Catherine.

"Catherine…isn't it?" asked Heather.

"Yes, it is," replied Catherine.

Heather whispered something quietly in Grissom's ear.

He shook his head.

Her hand caressed his cheek as he leaned back into the seat.

"I came as soon as I got your message," said Heather to Grissom. "How are Sara and the child?"

"Grissom's son is in critical condition along with his wife," said Brass.

"I'm sorry. I was hoping they would have been able to prevent the premature labor," replied Heather.

Catherine and Brass exchanged looks.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" asked Heather.

Grissom shook his head.

Heather looked at the two.

"Would you excuse us? I'd like to speak with Gil in private?" asked Heather to Brass and Catherine.

They reluctantly walked away.

"Can you believe this?" asked Catherine angrily.

"Yeah, I can. This is the reason Sara hid the pregnancy," seethed Brass. "I could never bring myself to tell her Grissom had moved in with Heather. Little did I know she found out any way."

Heather forced Grissom to look at her.

Her hand clasped both sides of his face.

"Gil, this is not your fault," she said.

"She hid the pregnancy from me…I'm sure she found out about us," said Grissom.

"Good. She knows. We hid nothing," said Heather.

"I knew it would hurt her," he said. "It's one of the reasons why I took you up on your offer. I wanted her to find out. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to feel as much pain as I felt."

"What are you accomplishing by doing this to yourself?" she asked. Her hands forced him to look into her eyes. "You moved in with me because you could not bear to be alone…I know you."

It did not help.

"Don't blame yourself," she whispered.

"I had to choose," he choked. "I had to choose between her life and his."

"You had no choice…you had to choose Sara," she replied. "You have no life without her."

His head tilted down until it rested against hers. She kissed his forehead causing Catherine to curse softly.

"I don't like this," Catherine huffed.

"Let's just focus on Sara," whispered Brass.

Grissom stood quickly when a nurse appeared.

They watched as Grissom disappeared.

He quietly stepped into her room.

The machines did not bother him this time.

He'd seen his share of them when she had been rescued from the desert.

He wasn't prepared to see the panic on her face when her hands reached down and felt her abdomen.

She struggled to get up but he quickly forced her to lie still.

"Where is he?" she begged.

"He's in intensive care," he whispered.

His hand glided softly across her forehead.

It was warm.

"I want to see him," she said struggling to get out of bed but stopped when she realized she was in no condition.

"Sara, you've just had surgery. You need to wait…you also have a fever…you won't be able to see him until you're better."

"How is he? I want to talk with his pediatrician," she said struggling to maintain some composure.

"I've been in constant contact with the neonatal nurses as well as his pediatrician. I'll have him come by…in a few hours," he replied.

"Now. I want to know his condition now," she barked.

"No."

She fumbled around for the call button.

A nurse appeared.

"I want to see my baby's…pediatrician…I want to see my…baby…please."

"Mrs. Grissom…"

"It's Sidle," she corrected.

Grissom said nothing.

"Ms. Sidle, we'll page the baby's doctor…your visit with your son will have to wait…until you're better."

The nurse glanced at Grissom.

"I make decisions for my son…not him…and for…myself," she said falling back into the bed from exhaustion.

"Nurse, could you give us a moment?" asked Grissom.

"Yes, of course," replied the nurse as she hurried out of the room.

"You're in no condition to make decisions," he said.

"Yes, I am!" she glared at him.

"Until you're released from this hospital, I'm making the decisions…with you."

"Leave!"

"Sara…"

"I don't want you here. Go…"

She burst into tears.

"Sara…"

"Go away…."

"No."

She continued to cry as he sat there.

A nurse popped her head into the room.

"Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Another minute," he said walking over to the door and shutting it.

He turned and came face to face with Sara's wrath.

"Leave!"

"No."

Sara reached for the call button but he quickly grabbed it.

She threw the covers off as she tried to get out of bed but he stopped her.

"Sara, stop it. You're going to hurt yourself."

The last bit of energy left her body as she struggled to sit up. She fell back and cried out in pain. He cursed as he replaced the covers. His hand stroked her head.

"I'm not leaving you. You're my wife. We're in this together. I don't care what you think happened in the past…we need to focus on you getting better…and our son. Sara, he's going to need both of us."

Her tears flowed.

He wiped them away.

"He's not going to make it, is he?" she asked.

"He takes after you, he's a fighter," he said.

"Have…you… seen…him?"

He nodded.

She closed her eyes as she let the fear and exhaustion sweep over her.

He gently stroked her hair. "You have a fever…it may be an infection."

She nodded slowly.

"Just rest," he said as his hand continued with its strokes.

The nurse softly opened the door.

She watched as Grissom continued to sit there beside Sara and speak soothingly to her. She quietly closed the door.

He spoke softly of his encounter with their son. Her eyes widened when he spoke of holding him.

"You held him?" she asked enviously.

"Yes…it was incredible," he said wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "He's so tiny…but so strong."

Her lower lip quivered as she took in every inflection of his voice memorizing every detail he was giving her.

"I want to see him," she said barely above a whisper.

"Once your fever is gone," he said.

She nodded slowly as she lay there.

He wiped her cheeks but it did no good as she continued to cry.

He pulled out a photo from his pocket.

"Catherine took several of these," he said handing it to her.

She stared at the photo as her hand covered her mouth.

"I know he looks…"

He stopped not knowing how to describe the small frail looking body.

She said nothing as she just stared at it. He was relieved when she slept once again, stroking her hair lovingly as he wiped his eyes.

_Don't know what I would do if I ever lost you…_

Hours passed.

His hand brushed across her forehead.

The fever remained.

The nurse reappeared.

"Mr. Grissom, the pediatrician needs to see you," she said.

Grissom stood immediately but Sara's hand stopped him.

"I want to hear…what's going on," she pleaded.

He glanced down at her and then back at the nurse.

"Could he talk with both of us?" asked Grissom.

"I'll send him in," she said.

Dr. Reynolds stepped into the room.

"I'm glad I'm able to speak with both of you," he said holding the file in front of himself. "Your son is no longer making any progress. I want to prepare you for the next few hours. He could very well slip away."

He waited letting the news filter in.

Grissom's hand instinctively grabbed Sara's as he sat down on the side of the bed.

"I'm not sure if you're religious but if you are, you may want to bring in your pastor or priest…we have a priest available."

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Grissom.

"We'll continue to monitor his condition," replied the doctor.

He watched as the two sat there quietly.

"You can still visit with him…hold him," he urged.

"I haven't…held him," said Sara.

"I urge both of you to spend as much time as you want…in case he…"

"I uhm have a fever," Sara whispered.

"I'll talk with the nurses…get them to make arrangements for you to visit with him."

"Can I do that now?" she asked.

"Yes…I'll make the arrangements," replied the doctor. "I'm sorry there's nothing more we can do."

He disappeared as they continued to sit there.

He watched as she wiped her cheeks and pushed the covers back.

"Sara…wait," pleaded Grissom.

"I want to see him…I want to see him before he…he shouldn't be alone," she said.

He grabbed her housecoat and as they made their way around the IV bottle and other attachments, placing her in a wheelchair provided by one of the nurses.

Within minutes, she found herself sitting in a room as she watched them bring the small baby to her.

Sara extended her arms and soon she was holding her son.

She counted each finger and toe as she examined him. She breathed in deeply and prayed that she would never forget the scent of him. She heard a flash and glanced up to see Greg standing outside the window. He placed his hand on the glass.

The others were there as well. She wondered how they had managed to get away but at the moment she did not care. She turned her attention back to the small body she held. His breathing was labored. She could feel his life slowly ebbing away.

It was at that moment, she held him tightly to her chest as her tears dropped one by one.

The door opened and a priest stepped inside with Grissom.

She glanced at Grissom as the priest quietly baptized their son.

Grissom sat beside Sara as he pulled her body into his.

She was exhausted and yet she continued to hold the baby.

Her head dropped on his shoulder and he thought he heard a silent sob escape her lips as she rocked back and forth humming softly. Grissom's eyes searched out those standing at the window. They knew by his expression that the baby had died.

The priest knelt as he prayed one last time before quietly slipping out of the room. An hour passed and yet Sara continued to hold the lifeless body. A nurse stepped in, gently taking the baby from Sara's arms. She carefully returned his lifeless body in the bassinet labeled "Sidle/Grissom."

Grissom gently cradled her in his arms as he carried her back to the room. She sobbed uncontrollably for the loss of their child. He wept with her as he tried to comfort her. The others remained outside giving the couple time to mourn in privacy but the mourning was put on hold as Sara's condition deteriorated. The next few hours were a blur. He worried for her well-being as the fever hit an all time high forcing the others to stay clear of her room.

She stared into his face as the drugs took effect. Days passed and her life hung in the balance as he prepared for the burial of their child. She drifted in and out of consciousness for days as he spoke with physicians about her prognosis. He avoided the death of their son, not wanting to face death without Sara. Mourning would have to wait.

He juggled the lab, Sara's illness and his anger toward Brass for keeping her pregnancy a secret. It spilled over one evening as Brass tapped on the door and he struggled from his chair that had become his bed for the last several days.

"Funeral arrangements have been made," whispered Brass.

"They're going to release her tomorrow…upon her insistence," grumbled Grissom.

"She wants to attend her son's funeral," replied Brass. He took a good look at his friend. "How are you holding up?"

"You've barely spoken five words to me in months, kept my wife and child from me and you want to ask me how I'm holding up?"

Brass flinched.

He had been anticipating this.

The man was right.

He'd been mad ever since Grissom moved in with Heather.

He'd confronted him but Grissom had no intention of sharing his private life with him.

"I didn't tell her…about you and Heather if that's what you're wondering," whispered Brass.

"You knew about…she was pregnant for months and…"

"Why didn't you go after her? What was more important than your wife?" sneered Brass.

Brass was right.

It hurt.

The last few days came crashing down on Grissom as he stumbled back. Brass reached out to steady him but he slapped his hand away.

"Look, that was…wrong…I shouldn't have said…"

Grissom did not listen as he stepped back into the hospital room.

His eyes met hers.

"You're awake," he whispered.

She pulled herself up as he made his way to the side of the bed.

"Sara, the funeral arrangements have been made," he said quietly. "Are you sure you're up to this?"

"I'm being discharged…I'm going."

He nodded.

"You still have several of your things at the townhouse," he said. "I'll…"

"Catherine is doing that," she said.

"Oh…good. Sara…"

"I'm going to stay with…Jim," said Sara. "I'm leaving after the funeral."

Grissom braced himself.

"He should be here any minute. The doctors agreed to discharge me this morning," she said.

"So you're just going to leave again…going to say goodbye in person this time?" he asked.

A flash of pain crossed her face but it was brief.

"I'll send the papers…in a few weeks," she whispered.

"Papers?"

Her eyes stared at his.

He felt as if he couldn't breathe.

"Sara…"

"Don't," she begged. "We uhm…just need to get through tomorrow."

"Stay…with me."

She almost laughed as a tear slipped down.

"I can't…do this right now," she cried.

"When…when do we do this Sara? Tomorrow, we bury our son…a son we haven't even named…a son…I didn't even know about until…you show up and now you're going to just walk away again!"

His voice was harsh and broken.

She felt her own resolve slipping.

"I never asked anything from you," she cried. "You didn't…protect him…you let them…he just needed more time."

"There wasn't any more time to give, Sara! You almost died."

There was a tap at the door as Brass popped his head in. "The nurse said she can go over the discharge orders."

Grissom glared at him.

Brass coughed nervously. "We can wait. I can…"

"Send her in. I'm ready to leave," said Sara as she swiped at her eyes.

"Sara…don't do this," pleaded Grissom.

"Jim, please," she begged.

He glanced at Grissom and then disappeared.

"I was going to name him William James," she whispered. "After your father."

"Thank you," he whispered.

He grabbed her hand and kissed the palm. "Could I see you…tonight?"

She shook her head.

"Please," he begged.

The nurse stepped in with Brass.

"Ready?" asked the nurse.

"Yes," replied Sara. "Grissom…thank you…but you can go now."

He left without another word.

He grabbed his jacket and disappeared.

Note from author:

I know...hard chapter....leave a review. I am going to post another chapter this evening so get those reviews in...

Take care!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

Hours went by and yet no one had heard from him.

He did not answer his cell.

Catherine attempted several times.

Brass picked up the plates from the table.

Sara had eaten little and had retreated to the couch.

"Maybe…you should talk with him. I'm sure if you called him…"

"Mind if I turn in?" she asked.

He shook his head.

He waited until he was alone and then called Catherine.

"He's not called," whispered Brass.

"Jim, I'm worried about him. No one can find him. I went by Heather's myself but she said she's not seen him. I believe her. Nick and Greg even went by the townhouse but he wasn't home," said Catherine. "I've tried calling him but he doesn't answer."

"He won't miss his son's funeral," said Brass.

Heather quietly stepped into the church and made her way to the corner.

She'd found him there a few times before.

There was the time Sara had been kidnapped, and then Sara's first departure from his life.

He had been distraught on both accounts.

Now, he looked utterly lost.

"I thought I might find you here," she whispered as she sat down beside him.

He said nothing as he continued to sit there.

Her hand slipped into his.

"She's filing for divorce…going to send me the papers," he whispered.

"Have you tried talking with her?" she asked.

"She won't. She blames me for William's death," he grieved.

"She needs to grieve," said Heather. "So do you."

"Why? It won't change anything. My son is dead, my wife is leaving once again and this time she's giving me back my name," he said as he stood.

She refused to let go of his hand.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"I'm going to work," he said.

"You can't hide from grief Grissom…I know," she warned.

"I'm not hiding…I'm just not going to give in to it."

"You're avoiding it…just like you avoided…Sara."

"I need to get to work," he said as he pulled his hand away.

He stepped into the lab and was greeted by Catherine's wrath.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I'm working," he said.

"Grissom, you look exhausted. When was the last time you've gotten any sleep?"

"I've slept," he countered as he picked up his messages from Judy and then headed to his office.

"You're not needed…here," she warned.

"I'm not needed anywhere else," he shot back letting the anger and pain seep through.

Catherine closed his office door as he slumped down in his chair.

"We heard that Sara is staying with Jim. Why don't you go over there?" she asked.

"She doesn't want me…it would only upset her," he said as he rubbed his forehead.

"Migraine?" she asked.

He flipped through his messages.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he replied.

"Grissom…I know you. You…uhm don't deal well with your emotions…I mean…I'm not sure you've even dealt with Warrick's death."

"Catherine, I have work to do," he said as he stood.

"We're friends…don't forget that. You can confide in me," she offered. "We were friends long before Lady Heather came along."

"Heather has nothing to do with this!" he yelled.

"Are you with her now?" asked Catherine in a quiet voice.

"Why don't you answer that since we've been friends for years," he quipped.

He left her sitting there as he hurried down the hall.

He had no idea where he was going.

He roamed the halls until he was certain Catherine had left.

He checked his phone and grimaced when he saw that she had not called.

The hours slipped by and soon he found himself in his black suit.

He stared into the mirror and for the life of him he could not understand how he had let so much slip through his hands.

_I've lived for almost fifty years and what do I have to show for it?_

He leaned against the sink.

There was a soft tap at his bedroom door and saw Heather standing there.

"I let Hank out. He was whining," she said.

He glanced at her and saw that she was dressed in a long flowing black dress.

"I can go…with you…if you want."

He shook his head.

Her long delicate fingers adjusted his tie.

She stared at him.

"I should be going," he said.

She pulled him into an embrace.

"Try to talk with her," she urged.

He nodded as he left.

He stepped into the church and halted when he saw Sara sitting in the front pew with Brass.

He'd hope he would have gotten there sooner so he could speak with her.

He felt warm arms slip into his and found Catherine.

They made their way to the front, stopping at the front pew.

Catherine glanced at Brass.

She attempted to steer Grissom to the seat next to Sara but he wouldn't budge.

Catherine reluctantly took a seat leaving space for Grissom to sit beside Sara.

He stood there staring at the small casket.

He stepped forward and took one final look at their son.

His hand reached out and cupped the small face.

He remembered when it was warm.

It was now cold.

He'd viewed the bodies of infants before and they always seemed to stir an emotion within him.

He looked upon the lifeless face of his own child and wanted to beg God to change places with his son.

_He never got to live…_

_I have…_

_It's not fair…_

He adjusted the small white laced blanket that partially covered the baby's small body.

Sara's soft sob brought his attention away from the casket.

He quickly slipped into the seat next to her pulling her into his arms.

He was relieved when she did not protest.

His lips kissed her lovingly on the forehead as his arms protectively encircled her body.

The funeral was over within minutes.

She took Jim's hand as they made their way out of the church.

Catherine held Grissom's as they followed.

He watched as Sara slipped into Jim's car along with Nick and Greg.

"Ride with me," whispered Catherine.

He shook his head as he made his way to his vehicle.

Grissom stood beside Sara at the grave site.

His hand sought hers and held it tight.

The words meant to comfort were said, but as they stood there, they found nothing comforting.

The soft condolences were whispered as they stood there staring down at the grave.

She turned then, pulling Grissom into her arms briefly.

He struggled to talk but she kissed him gently on the lips and then she was gone.

He was unsure what to do.

She'd been there with him through Warrick's death.

They'd gone back and spent the rest of the afternoon in bed.

He'd lied to himself by saying he'd done it for her.

It wasn't.

He'd been lost and wounded and she had grounded him as they'd made love over and over.

_Our son was conceived during that grief…_

"Grissom?"

He turned away from Catherine.

"We were going to get something to eat. Come with us," she urged.

He glanced at her.

She knew he was wondering if the plans included Sara.

"Sara is leaving…going back to…"

He didn't care.

She was gone…again.

He stood there despite the chill in the air.

"Come…with us," she urged again.

He stuck his hands in his pocket, retrieving his keys.

She seemed hopeful until he reached his vehicle.

"I'll see you at work tonight," he said as he drove away.

He kept himself in seclusion.

His behavior was not odd, at least for Grissom.

He'd been keeping to himself since Sara's departure after Warrick's funeral.

Now, was no different.

He pulled double after double avoiding the others by working solo.

The guys had attempted on several occasions to get him to go to the diner but he'd declined every offer.

He was especially short with Catherine and Brass.

He'd trudged into the house, ignoring Hank as he sat there moping.

He made a habit of ignoring everything and everyone but it was soon going to change.

Perhaps it was her door slightly ajar that caused him to pause.

He'd hidden from Heather as much as the others.

He had not seen much of her in the last month and her bedroom was just down the hall.

His hand gripped the door handle when he heard the retching.

He stood motionless as he listened once more.

The sound continued and he stepped toward her doorway.

"Heather?"

There was silence.

He stepped away not wishing to intrude when he heard a soft moan.

He followed the sound and quickly sprung into action when he found Heather lying on the floor.

"Heather!"

He checked her pulse and cursed at the signs of dehydration.

Her diabetes did not help.

He lifted her, grabbing a blanket as he carried her to his vehicle.

They were at the hospital within minutes.

He sat there in the waiting room as he tried not to remember that last time he had been there.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Kessler is much better. She's been getting fluids to help with the dehydration. They're going to keep her overnight…just to make sure that she and the baby are fine."

He raked his hands through his hair. "Baby?"

"Yes, you can visit with her now," said the nurse.

Grissom stepped into the room and stood by the bed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think I'd gotten so sick."

"How are you?" he asked warily.

"They told you," she sighed.

He said nothing but could not help but gaze at her abdomen.

"I was going to tell you…but you've been busy…avoiding everything."

"I'm sorry…I uhm didn't mean to shut you out," he said.

"Yes…you did. I had no intentions of telling anyone until after the first trimester."

"How far along are you?" he asked.

"Five months," she said.

He sat down abruptly.

His eyes darted back to her abdomen again.

"Like I said, you've been busy…avoiding…everything. I was surprised when you didn't even notice...of course you never really looked at me that way....just Sara."

He was speechless.

"Grissom, I hope this…won't impair our relationship…I'd hate to think what I would do if you stopped talking…to me."

A slight smile crossed his face.

"Now that I have the sarcasm out of the way, I'd like to go home."

"The nurse said they're going to keep you overnight."

She wasn't pleased.

"We uhm should talk about our current living arrangement," she said.

He'd wondered when she would throw him out. It really didn't matter. No matter where he lived, Sara would haunt him.

"I want to thank you for allowing me to stay but I think I've overstayed my welcome. I'll move back to the townhouse."

"I uhm was hoping you would stay."

He watched as she struggled to find the right words.

"I've uhm never wanted to be dependent on anyone before…but…"

Heather met his gaze.

"I need you."

"I'm not…very good in that department," he admitted. "I seem to let people down when…"

"Grissom…I'm dying."

He felt as if he'd been slapped.

"Cancer. It's inoperable."

"But…"

"Chemo would only extend the inevitable and might harm the baby. I'm…not going to risk that…I won't do that…to him."

He gripped the bed.

"Boy?"

"I know this may be too painful...for you but…"

His hand slipped into hers.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"I know this may be sudden but…I have no one else," she said.

"I'm here."

"I want you…to keep my son…when…I'm gone."

He looked away but she quickly clasped his face in her hands.

"I…know you'd be a good father…I know you'd protect him…keep him safe…from my past."

"You've never cared about your past…neither do I."

"Zoe did. I lost my daughter the moment she found out about my profession…she turned away from me. I want what's best for my son…that's you."

"What…about the father?" he asked.

"His eyes were always judgmental. Relationship ended before it even began, I supposed. This child is mine…I'm giving my son to you."

"Heather…"

"Think about it," she said. "I have several weeks…to go…to ensure he has a chance."

He sat there listening to Heather but he heard Sara's voice.

He grabbed her into his arms and held her.

"I promise…I'll take care of…both of you."

Note from author:

I know...a twist....leave a review.

Take care!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

They were baffled when he suddenly cut back on his hours.

He came in one day and left the others to finish a double.

Catherine nudged and nudged but Gil Grissom did not budge.

He was home on time each day although Heather did not seem to mind.

She was too busy with doctor appointments.

She did not appear sick but rather had a slight glow to her as he finally took notice of the bulge he wondered how he had missed.

_I missed so much with Sara…._

He'd done his research.

He knew her prognosis.

He worried about her as well as the baby.

"Chess?" she asked.

He sat down and she slaughtered him over and over.

She laughed as he scowled.

He always loved her laugh.

It was rare which made him yearn for it.

"Any news…from Sara?" she asked one evening.

"I received the divorce papers," he said softly.

"I'm sorry," she replied.

He leaned back into the chair.

"What have you decided to do?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"You could… attempt a mediation," she offered.

He slipped out of the chair.

"You've been cutting back on your hours," she said.

"I've been turning down overtime," he clarified.

"Why?"

"I wanted…to be here," he said.

"I'm going to hire…a nurse…when…"

He returned to the chair.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm managing," she said. "I've cut back on my patients…referring them to other counselors."

"Heather, if you need anything…"

"I'm financially secure. The sale of my previous profession ensured my financial independence," she said with a smile. "I worked as a counselor because I needed the diversion."

"Diversion can be good," he replied.

Her hand glided over her abdomen.

"May I?" he asked.

She nodded slowly as he gently placed his hand next to hers.

He smiled when he felt a kick.

"He's very strong," she said. "I never cared for the idea of having a son. When I became pregnant with Zoe I wanted a girl…but now…I feel him and I know that he will be like his father."

Her smile faded.

"Is that bad?" he asked.

"No…His father is a good man but he just couldn't accept…me."

Grissom's hand cupped her face. "I'm sorry."

"My attorney has drawn up the legal documents…giving you sole custody…I've made you the beneficiary…"

He stood quickly.

"Grissom…have you ever dealt with death?"

"Everyone deals with death," he lied.

"Not you."

"My father died when I was nine…my mother died a few years ago."

"Your friend, Warrick died…as well as your son," she added.

"Like I said, no one escapes death."

"You've avoided it…not grieved."

"I've grieved."

She eyed him.

"Perhaps Warrick's death…but not your son's."

"I think I'm going to turn in now," he said.

"Avoiding the issue…again," she called out.

"I need some sleep before shift," he lied.

"You can't mourn because you don't have Sara."

He hated these moments when she attempted to counsel him.

Her comments often left his emotions raw. She knew exactly how he reacted to the world and she was not prone to withhold any punches when it came to forcing him to face his own fallacies.

"I'll see you in a few hours," he said as he disappeared down the hall.

Weeks passed.

He made a habit of announcing his arrival each morning.

He would always find her in the sun room with a book and a cup of tea.

They would discuss the evening and then have breakfast.

He seemed a bit alarmed when she wasn't there and went in search of her.

"Heather?"

He stepped into her bedroom and found her still in bed.

"Heather?"

His hand caressed her cheek.

"I'm not up to breakfast," she whispered.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm tired," she admitted.

"I'll go downstairs and fix…"

"I don't think I could hold anything down," she said as she rolled to her side.

"How long have you had the nausea?" he asked worriedly.

"Just a few hours," she said.

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

"Tell me about your unit."

"We're still pulling from swing…not many people want to work graveyard."

"Any difficult cases last night?" she asked trying to take her mind off the pain.

"No. Heather…"

"It must be hard…for everyone…losing Sara and then Warrick. I'm sure they thought Sara was going to stay….you did." She paused as if in pain. "Have you made peace…with your friend Brass?"

"We're not friends…we work together."

"Friendship should not be tossed away so easily. Why won't you talk with him?" she asked.

"He kept Sara's pregnancy from me," he said.

"Then you should be mad at…Sara…not Jim."

"Heather, you think it's right not to tell the father…about the pregnancy?" he asked.

"I have my reasons…the same way Sara did not tell you," she whispered.

"Sara thought I had moved on," he said. "It could have been resolved…if we had talked."

"You could talk now," she said.

"Someone who sends divorce papers does not want to talk," he said. "I'm still angry Sara did not tell me about the pregnancy."

Heather grimaced from the pain.

He gripped her hand.

"You think I should tell the father. I've never known you to be judgmental," she said.

"I'm not. I just want to make sure you're looking at all of your options," he said.

She gripped his hand back as she tried to manage the nausea.

His hand stroked her hair.

"Pain…is much worse," she admitted.

"Have you taken anything?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Could I get you something…for the pain?" he asked.

She refused like she had done so many times before.

He knew she was protecting the baby.

His lips kissed her forehead.

"Make amends with Brass."

He glanced at her. "I didn't know you even liked him."

"I liked him because he is your friend," she said.

She grimaced.

He caressed her fingers. "Maybe we should go to the hospital," he offered.

She vehemently shook her head. "It's just nausea. It will pass."

He continued to sit with her until she fell asleep.

Grissom quietly slipped from the room and made the call.

"Catherine…I'm not coming in tonight," he said.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

"I need off," he said.

"Okay…no explanation…no…"

"I didn't know I was required to give one," he huffed.

"I'm worried…we're all worried. You've not talked to anyone…Gil, are you okay?"

"I'll call you tomorrow."

The phone clicked before she could ask another question.

He walked Hank and then he stepped back inside, fixing a light soup and carrying it upstairs.

He was glad to see she was awake again.

He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You should be at work," she said.

"I've got the night off," he whispered as he helped her sit up.

"Try some soup," he offered.

He was pleased the soup was eaten.

"You took off…because of me," she said.

He sat on the other side of the bed and handed her the mail while he opened his book.

"Still reading…Shakespeare?" she asked.

"It's the only book I had in my office."

She knew he had a wide range of books at his townhouse but he had not returned since she had offered him to stay months ago.

"Go through my library," she offered.

"I'm not sure I'm in need of understanding human sexuality…it's a bit too late…for me."

She chuckled. "Not in my office…over there."

He glanced over to see a bookcase filled with books.

He admired the selection.

"Take them…whenever you like," she said as she slipped back down in the covers.

"I can't seem to…find any pleasure in reading…them anymore."

He wondered if it was because of the illness.

She no longer asked him for a game of chess nor did she bother to read any of the magazines that arrived.

He grabbed a book from the shelf and started to leave but opted to sit back down on the bed and read.

"What…did you find?" she asked.

"Keats," he said.

She smiled sadly. "Fitting for a mournful soul."

She took a ragged breath and then spoke,

" Darkling I listen; and, for many a time  
I have been half in love with easeful Death,  
Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,  
To take into the air my quiet breath;"

She stopped as if she had forgotten the rest. It bothered her as she struggled for the next lines.

He quickly finished for her,

"Now more than ever seems it rich to die,  
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,  
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad  
In such an ecstasy!  
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -  
To thy high requiem become a sod."

"Ode to a Nightingale," she whispered. "I've forgotten their mournful sound."

He pulled the covers up as he began to read to her. She curled her body up next to his as her head rested on his shoulder. Hours passed and he woke with a start. His arm gently shifted her so he could slip from the bed.

Once he was free, he stood there quietly.

Hank lifted his head from his spot on the bed.

He gently took Grissom's place next to her.

He smiled as he rubbed the dog behind the ears.

He remembered the first day, he brought Hank.

Heather had stared at him for a long time but said nothing as she returned to the chair overlooking the flower garden.

Hank trotted over and sat next to her.

She continued to sip her tea as he ventured closer and closer until his nose nudged her elbow for a pet.

She slightly petted the dog but then he laid his head in her lap and looked up at his new found friend.

She smiled at him.

He abandoned Grissom at that moment. He didn't seem to care. The dog was just another reminder of Sara. Besides, he could barely take care of himself much less a dog that pined away for its master.

_It was her idea to get the dog but yet she leaves him too…_

She seemed better the next morning.

She slowly made her way downstairs, choosing to sit outside in the garden with Hank.

"Good morning," he called as he joined her.

"Good morning," she responded.

"Have you had breakfast?" he asked.

"Some toast," she said.

"Good."

He stared at the dog who was content to sit there beside Heather.

"His head doesn't fit in my lap anymore," she breathed.

Grissom hand came to rest on her abdomen. "Heather…we should talk."

"You haven't said whether you're going to stay here…or at your townhouse," she said. "If you decide to stay here after…I'll have the other guest room converted to a nursery. You…"

"I've never cared for an infant…I'm not sure I'm the right…"

"You gave me your word," she said nervously. "You agreed…you told me…" she winced from the pain as she struggled to stand.

His hands quickly reached for her but she pulled away.

"Heather…"

"Your word was something I admired," she whispered.

He quickly pulled her into his arms.

"I'm not good at this," he whispered. "I don't want…to lose you…too."

"Death is just a process of life," she tried to soothe but soon found a sense of urgency. "I need to know you'll…"

"He's my son now," he promised.

She relaxed in his arms. "We should talk about…names."

"I won't name him Gilbert…I promise."

Her laugh was soft and melodious. "Thank you. I can die in peace now."

His smile faded as he hugged her tighter.

Her fingers softly raked through his hair.

"What do you want to do about the house?" she asked.

He could not imagine living there without her.

"I'll return to the townhouse," he stated.

"I'll take care of everything," she replied. "It will be ready when you return home."

"Heather…you could try treatment after the baby's birth…prolong…"

"Pain has never been a problem…it's something I've lived with all my life…I've endured…grew stronger as a result of it…I'll be ready for it to stop…no treatments. I've made my living will explicit."

He nodded.

"We've gotten off the subject of names," she said leaning heavily on him.

"Let's get you back to bed," he urged. "Then we can consider names."

He sat there with her as she drifted in and out.

She slipped her hand from his. "You should go to work," she whispered.

"I uhm don't want to leave you," he admitted.

"I'll see you a few hours," she said as she rolled to her side. Hank jumped up and lay there with her. "I have Hank…he won't leave my side."

Grissom leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"Call me if you need me," he cautioned.

"Let's play a game of chess in the morning," she offered.

He smiled.

Note from author:

Thanks to all of you who leave a review for each chapter. The reviews have been humorous at times. LOL. Another chapter will follow this evening.

Take care!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

He seemed preoccupied in his thoughts as he processed the crime scene. Catherine glanced at Brass as she walked over to his side.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Good," Grissom said without looking up.

"You've processed that area three times," she pointed out.

He glanced down at his kit as he swiped at his brow.

"You'd tell me if there was anything wrong, wouldn't you?" whispered Catherine.

"Something wrong?" he asked with a hint of melancholy.

Everything was wrong. Sara was gone. She'd filed for divorce. He'd returned the divorce papers in shreds. Heather was dying. He would soon be the guardian of a newborn. He wondered if he could even hold the child and not see his own. He quickly wiped his brow again.

_She's going to leave me too…_

_I've done nothing but lean on her and now…_

"Listen, I heard about the…divorce papers," said Catherine.

Grissom threw down his gloves and began packing up his kit.

"You can finish," he said. "I'm done."

His statement startled Catherine.

"Done with what? You're done…here…done with…Sara….your marriage…your job…want to elaborate?"

"Leave me alone!" he yelled.

It rattled Catherine as well as the others.

She stepped back holding her hands up in the air as he fled the scene.

Brass quickly followed him to his vehicle.

"Gil!"

He ignored Brass as he drove back to the lab.

Hours later, the others returned and were surprised to find him at the lab. He finished his paperwork and then tossed it into Ecklie's inbox as he left for the day.

He was surprised when the door opened just as he was about to slip in his key. An unfamiliar face stood there.

"Ms. Kessler is expecting you," said the nurse. "My name is Lisa."

His stomach knotted.

"How is she?" he asked quickly.

"She's been waiting for you…something about a chess game after breakfast," smiled Lisa.

He climbed the stairs two at a time as he hurried to her room.

"I'll let you eat first…then I intend to beat you at chess," she announced.

"You always beat me at chess," he said with a nervous smile.

"There's always hope for you," replied Heather.

They finished breakfast and then he set the board onto the bed.

The first move he intentionally made a mistake.

She looked at him in a disapproving manner.

"I don't need your pity," she said.

"I don't…pity you," he replied.

They continued until he made the last move.

Their eyes met.

"You've won," she announced.

"I've had a good teacher," he said rubbing her hand.

"I'll accept the compliment…only because it is true," she purred.

"You seem better," he said.

"I am…feeling better," she admitted.

"You uhm hired the nurse. I was worried."

"I didn't want you to take off anymore…because of me."

"What if I want to?" he asked as he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips.

"I'm not Sara," she said.

"No…you're not. You've never left me…never betrayed me…"

"Sara didn't leave you…she left Vegas. You should have gone with her…when you chose not to go…then she left," she pointed out.

"I don't want to talk about Sara," he said as he closed his eyes.

"You look tired," she whispered.

"I am."

"Sleep," she urged.

"Still sleeping during the day?" he asked.

"I guess I'll always be a night person," she replied. "Of course I tend to do nothing but sleep."

He glanced over to the other side of the bed.

He slept there on occasions.

It was the few times he had been able to sleep without the nightmares.

He showered and then dressed for bed but yet he could not bring himself to sleep.

He walked softly down the hall and checked on her.

Lisa was sitting quietly in a chair outside the room with a book.

"How is she?" he whispered.

"She's having some pain this evening," she replied.

He nodded.

"Grissom?" called Heather.

"Is there something you want?" asked Grissom as he stepped into the room.

She pulled back the covers and openly invited him.

He did not hesitate as he joined her.

He curled his body up next to hers and closed his eyes.

"I never cared to share my bed for more than a few hours until I met you," whispered Heather.

"Are you and the baby okay?" he asked as his hands caressed the growing mound.

"He's kicking…a lot," she said.

"Yes, he is," he said as his head rested near hers.

"You miss her," she said.

"You miss him," he retaliated.

"I miss what I never had," she whispered.

Her shoulders shook slightly and he tightened his hold around her.

"Heather…"

"You're a good friend, Grissom."

"You've always been here…for me," he replied as he kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

"You love her so much…don't waste that, Grissom. Don't lose your chance to be with the person you love."

There wasn't a second that went by that he did not think about Sara. There was so much he wanted to tell her but then there so much he could not fathom to tell her. He had no idea how she would react to Heather's condition much less his decision to become the child's father.

"Part of me says to kick you to the curb and send you packing to Sara but the other part…I'm afraid to die alone."

"I'm here," he said not liking the melancholy in her voice.

"Heather…do I need to get Lisa?"

"No…just hurts," she lamented.

"I wish I could do something for the pain," he lamented.

"It's not the physical pain," she choked.

"Heather, I can contact him for you," he urged.

She shook her head.

"He and I…can't hide or run from your past, Grissom."

"You never hid."

"No…I didn't, but I'll hide this…I didn't protect Zoe. My past…hurt her. I won't hurt this baby."

She turned slowly to face him.

"Promise me you'll go to Sara when the time comes. Promise me you won't waste any more time."

"I promise," he said.

He glanced down and saw that she was asleep. He closed his eyes and prayed he would not disappoint Heather when she needed him.

He felt the soft shake and he rose quickly.

"Ms. Heather wanted me to wake you," whispered Lisa.

"Thank you," he replied.

He glanced down at her sleeping form, pulling the covers up as he headed for the shower. He checked in one more time before he left giving Lisa instructions to call him if Heather needed him.

She seemed to have more energy these days as they fell into a routine. He received a report each morning when he arrived before spending time with her. Once breakfast was over, he would join her in bed. They both seemed to sleep better when they were together.

Catherine kept her distance since his outburst.

He'd meant to apologize but when she no longer asked questions, he felt it was best to leave things as they were.

It was near the end of shift that Lisa called him. They had been called out to a multiple body crime scene which meant all available hands were needed. He'd found a secluded body and began working. His phone rang and with one glance, he stumbled back.

"Grissom," he managed to get out.

"I'll meet you at the hospital," he said quickly. He left his kit on the ground as he stood there for a moment, trying to catch his breath.

"Catherine!" he yelled.

Her head shot up.

"I've got to leave," he said.

She said nothing as he quickly made his way to his vehicle and sped away.

Brass and Catherine exchanged glances.

He paced the corridor as he waited for news.

Lisa sat in a chair.

He was relieved when a physician came out.

"I'm Dr. Allen," he said.

"How is Heather?" he asked quickly.

"We had to do an emergency C section," he explained. "The baby is in neonatal unit. He's very small…his lungs were not developed…"

Grissom stood there trying to listen but his mind raced back to another time when he listened to another physician while his son struggled to live.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Your son is in critical condition. He's got a good chance."

"Heather?"

"I'm not sure she's going to regain consciousness. I'm sorry."

"I want to be with her," he said.

"Of course."

He sat there holding her hand as he watched the monitor. He'd slip back and forth between the neonatal unit as he watched over both of them. He had not even noticed that it was time for shift as he sat there rubbing her fingers.

She opened her eyes and smiled.

"Our son is doing well," he lied.

"Good."

She took a ragged breath. "He's strong….like his father." She turned toward Grissom. "It's funny…he's the only person I ever loved."

"Heather, I can get him…tell me his name."

She hesitated a moment. "I finished my degree…for him. I was going to surprise him…show him…wanted him to be proud of me…but then this happened."

"Heather…"

She squeezed his hand. "I want to see David…could they bring him to me?"

"I'll find out," he urged. "I'll…"

He stopped when he felt her release his hand.

"Heather?"

His head dropped as he pulled her into his arms and wept.

"Mr. Grissom?" the nurse called.

He refused to answer.

"Mr. Grissom, it's about the baby," said the nurse.

He swiped at his eyes as he stepped out of the room.

"Yes?"

"The pediatrician wants to speak with you," she said.

He hurried down the hall. Lisa stood at the window, observing the baby.

She glanced at Grissom as he shook his head. She wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I liked Ms. Kessler very much. I'll go back to the house and take care of Hank," said Lisa.

"Thank you," said Grissom as he waited for the pediatrician.

A woman stepped out and glanced at Grissom. "I just got the news that this baby's mother just died."

"Yes. I'm his father and guardian…I have the papers…"

She waved her hand. "I wanted to prepare you…"

Grissom glanced into the room.

"Mr. Grissom, his chances are good…he's very small but it is a miracle Ms. Kessler was able to get him this far. I think she was only holding on long enough to give this little fella a chance. She must have been a remarkable woman."

"She was," he managed to get out.

"The next twelve hours are critical."

"I'm not leaving," he said.

"Good. I have your cell in case you need to go down to the commons area."

He nodded.

He slumped down into the seat and stared at the wall.

He closed his eyes as his phone went off.

It was Catherine.

"I need you," he blurted out.

"You didn't show up for work. You could have called."

"Catherine…I need you," he repeated.

"Gil, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I uhm here at the hospital," he said.

"Are you hurt?"

He couldn't find his voice at that moment.

He hurt.

"I'm on my way!" she yelled as she threw down the file in her hand alarming the others.

He dropped the phone into the chair next to him as his head dropped into his hands. He wept for the loss of Heather as he stood vigil once again over a small frail body.

Warm hands cupped his face as Catherine knelt down in front of him.

"I had a hard time finding you…you were not listed as a patient so I took a guess that it might be Heather."

"She uhm died."

Catherine looked shocked.

"Mr. Grissom?" called the nurse.

"Yes?" he stood quickly.

"Would you like to see your son?" asked the nurse.

"Yes…I would."

"Son? Heather was pregnant?"

Catherine stood at the window and found the bassinet labeled "Grissom."

She watched as father and son met one another.

He stepped out of the nursery and slumped into a chair.

"Let's get something to eat," urged Catherine.

"I don't want to leave…him."

Catherine glanced inside.

"How is he?" she asked.

"He's premature…his lungs are better…he seems to have an infection…they're monitoring his condition closely…next twelve hours are critical."

"I'm sorry about Heather," she said.

"She uhm had cancer…terminal…and yet she held on for…him."

"You could have told us…we would have helped."

"How? She was dying…I was losing…her…and not knowing if the baby would survive…I still don't know."

"We could have been here for you…emotional support at least."

"Catherine…I don't know the first thing about being a father…how do I care for him?"

"You'll learn. You're a great father…look how Greg turned out. Warrick thought of you as a father…Warrick loved you…because of that."

He smiled sadly.

Her hand slipped into his.

"I'm going to go to the cafeteria and get some coffee and something for us to eat."

He nodded.

"Cat?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank…you."

He managed to finish off half of the sandwich while Catherine continued to sit with him.

"She hired a nurse…she'll be staying with the baby…while I work," he explained.

"That's the hardest part," said Catherine.

He walked over and stared at the bassinet.

The nurse waved.

Catherine joined him.

"Have you gotten…the nursery prepared?" she asked.

"I uhm not sure. Heather …was going to turn the guest room at the townhouse into a nursery. I've never gone over there and checked."

"You're not going to stay…"

"No….I'm going…home," he said as he leaned against the glass.

"Grissom, he's going to make it," she whispered.

"I remember…holding William…having to let go…of him."

"It's not going to turn out like that," she prayed.

"The priest has already…just in case," he said.

Catherine stayed by his side as they waited for news from the pediatrician.

The doctor stepped out of the neonatal unit and smiled at Grissom. "Your son is a fighter…like his mother. He's improving."

Grissom sighed.

Catherine hugged Grissom.

"You should get some rest," Catherine urged.

"I'm going to stay…just for awhile longer."

"We have the unit covered. Take off," she ordered.

"Thanks."

Grissom leaned down and kissed the baby. Catherine smiled. She waved as she continued to watch. Grissom whispered softly to the baby as he rocked him. He was reluctant to give him back to the nurse.

"He's getting better," she assured him.

He glanced down at the small face as he lay there in the bassinet and was overwhelmed by emotion.

It did not seem that long ago when he and Sara had held their baby in the adjacent room.

His hand covered his mouth as he stifled the sob.

_You didn't prepare me for this, Heather…_

_You didn't prepare me for these feelings…_

_I look at him and I see my son…_

_God, I miss Sara…_

_I need her…_

Note from author:

I am going to be out of pocket this evening so everyone is on the honor system, to leave a review for both chapters.

Take care.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

The next few days seemed surreal.

Catherine told the guys as well as Brass.

They came to the hospital one day.

No one mentioned Sara or the fact that Heather was pregnant during the time Sara had lost her child.

No one mentioned the fact that Grissom was very much married to Sara when Heather's child was conceived.

No one even breathed a word of it.

No one except Brass seemed upset.

No asked and Grissom did not offer any explanation although no one expected he would divulge anything so private.

He was Grissom, afterall.

Grissom stood there at the grave site. There was a large gathering although for the life of him he knew none of them except Catherine, who insisted on going with him. She had come by the hospital several times, checking on him and even forced him to go home for a few hours but he only returned freshly showered and eager to hold his son.

Heather had taken care of every detail.

She had been quite efficient with everything except teaching Grissom how to manage without her.

She also did not prepare him to deal with so many emotions.

He felt as if he were on overload and no longer trusted his cool exterior to remain just that.

He'd broken down several times in the hospital despite his best efforts to hide his emotions.

He stood there shuffling from foot to foot as the minister said a short service.

He glanced up and saw Brass standing at a distance.

He quickly looked away not wishing to see the condemnation from his friend.

He knew Brass would no doubt confront him about his infidelity.

There was no infidelity but in their eyes he was condemned.

He didn't care.

Heather had given him a son and he was prepared to face any consequences to keep him.

_A promise is a promise…_

Since her death, he'd clung to David as he became his new lifeline. He worried about every detail of the newborn's health. He drew a ragged breath letting more of his emotions slip out than he wanted. He was not used to dealing with death. He'd cried for hours as he held David. The nurses had reassured him over and over the young infant was improving each day but it did not matter.

He was adrift without Heather.

Heather had put order into his life again but now he stood at her grave and he wondered how in the hell he was supposed to get through this.

He remembered standing there beside Sara as they placed a part of them into the ground.

His eyes drifted across the cemetery and saw the hill where their son was buried.

"Excuse me," he'd managed to get out as he briskly left the gravesite.

Catherine could barely keep up as he made his way to the site.

He stood there staring at the marble stone. He'd been here a few times in the last few months. The first time, Heather had dragged him there. The second time, he'd returned with flowers and sat there on the bench feeling very much old and alone. He had been bold that day and pulled out his cell phone dialing the only known number he had managed to get.

Her phone rang and the answering machine eventually picked up as he listened intently to the sound of her voice. It sounded hollow. He did not bother with a message. He wasn't sure he would be able to speak anyway.

She never returned his call but then he didn't expect it.

She'd just sent the divorce papers which he promptly shredded in a fury of anger and slung them back in a returning envelope. He was sure she had received them that day.

Now, once again, he stood there wanting to crawl into that grave with his son but he couldn't. Heather had made sure of that. He would have to go on.

He had a promise to keep.

Actually, he had several promises to keep.

There was a premature infant still struggling to survive. A newborn that bore his name by choice and he would gladly move heaven or hell to protect the truth about his conception. It was his reason to live at the moment.

The second reason was keeping another promise to beg, plead, grovel or whatever it took to convince Sara to give him another chance.

_Just another chance…_

He felt a tug on his sleeve and allowed Catherine to lead him away.

"Let's get something to eat," offered Catherine.

Grissom shook his head. "I should get back to the hospital."

"How's he doing?" she asked.

"He's better," he said as he stared at the grave site.

"Gil, no one is going to judge you…hell, if they do, they have no right. Sara left…you…not once but twice."

"Catherine, I know you mean well, but I'm too tired to talk about this."

"Grissom, you're not going to be any good to your son if you don't take care of yourself."

It was true.

He was past exhaustion and yet he could not fathom going home.

"I'll rest at the hospital," he said.

"I'll stay with him…if the nurses need you, I'll call," she offered.

He shook his head.

She sighed.

"I'm worried about you," she admitted.

He smiled sadly.

He managed to get in a few hours at work between trips to the hospital. He began sleeping on his couch in his office, waking before the others arrived.

They knew he'd taken up residence there but no one said anything.

He seemed precariously hanging onto his emotions ever since Heather's funeral. Each day they checked on the baby's progress hoping the tiny baby would survive for Grissom's sake. He needed the baby.

While he never spoke of the baby, his constant contact with the hospital and vigil worried the others as they watched the man they admired slowly deteriorate before their very eyes. Ecklie had noticed the sudden change with the grave shift supervisor and kept his remarks to himself. He looked over the odd hours and the sudden disappearances when the hospital called.

Others stepped in to cover without being asked.

The unit eagerly pulled together to help in any way.

He was grateful and yet he was speechless because he wasn't sure he knew what to do when David came home. He'd tried to prepare for the moment by asking as many questions as he could from the nurses and getting them to let him do as much as he could for David.

Hank had been completely abandoned once more as Lisa cared for the dog as well as the household. She came to the hospital every day to check on the baby's progress.

"Mr. Grissom, has there been any decision on the baby's discharge?" she asked one evening.

"In a few days," sighed Grissom.

It had been three grueling months.

"You'll need to bring Hank to the townhouse," he added.

"I think he'll be happier there. He lays on her bed or….waits at the door," she said.

_He did that when Sara left…_

He handed out assignments that evening as he listened to each update.

"Catherine is going to be in charge for a few days. I'm going to take some time off."

Eyes shot up.

"He's coming home," announced Grissom.

There were pats on the back as well as a hug from Catherine.

"I would tell you to catch up on your sleep but I'm not sure that's going to be possible with a newborn," warned Catherine.

"I have Lisa," said Grissom.

Brass poked his head into the conference room.

"Ecklie wants to see us," he said.

Grissom dismissed the others and followed Brass.

They spoke only when it was necessary.

It seemed awkward but neither budged.

Ecklie glanced up and motioned for the men to sit down.

"FBI has requested your expertise on a serial killer they've been tracking," said Ecklie.

"I'll be glad to act as a consultant," replied Grissom.

"Good. I'll let them know you'll be on the first flight…"

"I'm not leaving Vegas," said Grissom.

"You just said…"

"I'll be happy to consult…"

"Look Grissom, this could be very big for the department. They obviously value your input since the Feds are even considering letting an outsider work with them on such a high profile case. You're going and that's final."

"Then I quit," he said as he headed for the door.

Brass looked shocked.

"What do you mean, you quit?"

"Conrad, my son lost his mother. I'm not going to abandon him just when he's being released from the hospital."

"I heard you hired a nanny," replied Ecklie.

"He's my son…my responsibility," stated Grissom.

"Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll see if they can send you the information…it would be great PR for the lab…working with the Feds…on a case they can't solve."

"Who says I can?" shot back Grissom.

"You're the expert on serial killers."

"Am I?" he questioned as he thought back on the destruction Natalie had caused in his life.

He stepped out of Ecklie's office and did not stop until he was in his own. Thoughts of miniature killer rambled around in his brain. Sara had almost died because he had not been able to solve the case. If it had not been for Nick, she would have perished in the desert sun.

_I miss her…_

_She handled…my life…_

_Gave order to my life that is now nothing but chaos…_

The slamming of his door caused heads to turn.

"What do you think that was about?" whispered Greg as he glanced at Nick.

"Grissom has been under a lot of pressure lately. The man needs some time off," replied Nick. "You know if I were him, I wouldn't know the first thing about caring for an infant."

"He's got some nanny," said Greg.

"You know Grissom. He's going to want to do everything on his own."

"Have you heard from Sara?" whispered Greg.

"No…and if I did, I'm not breathing a word of this," said Nick. "And you shouldn't either."

"Yeah, well…"

Greg was interrupted by Nick. "Sara left…without a word…now I'm not saying she didn't have a right to leave…she went through hell with Natalie but then she came back for Warrick's funeral and then left again. Grissom needed her. A wife should stay with her husband."

"Well, maybe she had a right to leave…maybe she found out Grissom was having an affair with Heather," said Greg.

"Grissom? An affair? You'll never get me to believe that," huffed Nick.

"Yeah, well, explain the son Grissom now has."

"Like I said, Sara left…a second time…Grissom didn't move in with Heather until she left after Warrick's death....she never even told Grissom about the baby…is it wrong for the man to want to move on?"

"Not if he's still married," grumbled Greg. "Sara deserved better."

"Sara should have stayed in Vegas. Grissom needed her. We all know how hard Warrick's death has been for Grissom."

"Do the math. Heather and Sara were pregnant…at the same time."

"You saw how loyal he was to Sara. He never left her side the moment he found out about the pregnancy," whispered Nick.

"How do you think Sara is going to react when she finds out about Grissom's son?"

"That's between the two of them…besides, she filed for a divorce…Judy saw the divorce papers."

"You mean peaked…Grissom didn't sign them," said Greg.

"How do you…"

"Sara…she called me the other night," whispered Greg.

"You didn't tell her anything…did you?"

"I couldn't. She sounded…happy," said Greg.

"Just stay out of it," warned Nick.

Sara sat there smoothing out the wrinkle in her skirt. She knew that ignoring the counselor was getting her nowhere.

"What have you decided to do, Sara?" asked the counselor.

Sara leaned back in her chair.

"Not much I can do…he refused to sign them."

"What does that tell you?"

Sara did not reply. The last few months had been hard. She knew her departure was a mistake the moment she stepped back into her small apartment and faced the nursery that would remain empty. Between counseling and her job, she kept busy. She quickly made a name for herself as she worked with the FBI. It had not been easy returning from Vegas once again, with the emotions that flooded her being every waking minute.

This time, she had left a part of herself behind. There were days when the tears would not stop and the sadness enveloped her. Knowledge of his living arrangements shredded what little hope for a reconciliation and she had finally decided to release him from his obligation to remain married to a woman who did not have the strength to face her inability to deal with pain and loss. Her departure from Vegas had only managed to add more loss and the loss of her child far outweighed the loss of her childhood innocence.

Sara had lost a part of their love.

At a time when they both grieved for the loss of a life, they had created one.

Had she known she was pregnant, she would have remained in Vegas but once she left and the video delivered, she had in essence released him from his vows. It had been painful and gut- wrenching to think that he just might do what she had encouraged him to do…start over.

As soon as the pregnancy became a reality, she hopped the first plane to the states and ran straight to Grissom. She was not prepared to find their home abandoned. Neighbors reported he had not lived there for months. She sat in a rental car, stealthily hidden in the back of the lab parking lot waiting for him to go to the new place he called home. She thought her heart would break when his new residence was a familiar one.

He'd spent the night there before.

He'd even apologized repeatedly for staying with a friend rather than coming home to his lover. It had been innocent then. He had wanted to help a friend. Now, as she watched him unlock the door, she saw their dog standing beside the only woman Sara had ever feared in their relationship. The woman's hand held Hank back as he greeted her.

He had moved in.

He now lived with this friend.

Sara swiped at her eyes as she drove away.

Her secret would remain with her.

She didn't intend to return to Vegas but the Feds were good at choosing Vegas for lectures. She had intended to get in and out of town without being spotted.

She had been successful until the drunk driver plowed into her vehicle.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

We've been talking about your marriage. What do you intend to do?" asked the counselor.

"He shredded the papers…I threw them away."

"You could send another copy or go to court," said the counselor.

"No. I offered…he declined. I guess we're going to…."

She stopped in midsentence. She didn't know what they were going to do.

"Have you thought about contacting him?"

_Every day, every hour, every second…_

"I'm not ready for that," she murmured.

He had called her.

It was the same day she received the shredded divorce papers. She could not face his accusations of her inability to face her problems because like Grissom, she hid from death as well as life. She'd decided that existing was good enough.

Sara was relieved when she glanced at the clock and saw that their time was up. She grabbed her jacket and rushed out the door. Counseling had been painful but it had helped. Her job had helped more. She could work doubles and come home to collapse in exhaustion with no one around to warn her of the dangers of burnout. Sara had written the book on burnout and she was on the fast track of burn out in her new career.

It had almost been laughable when her new boss had questioned her experience with serial killers. She had described Natalie in intricate detail but in such generalities to ever let him suspect that she had been a victim. She had sidetracked the background check by knowing someone on the inside. Within one month of discovering the life she carried, she had managed to start a new career in a new town under an old name she had gladly given up for Grissom's. She returned to the name of "Sidle" when she no longer felt it belonged to her anymore.

She stared at the written assignment.

"I see you got your assignment," smiled George.

"You're kidding, right?" she asked.

"Sara, I know it's only been a few months since the accident but we need you in Vegas."

"Why?"

"We're giving you the Dodd murder cases."

"What's that got to do with Vegas?" she asked.

"We've asked for Dr. Gil Grissom to consult on the case."

Sara's mouth dropped open.

"I know he's your old boss but…"

_He's my husband…._

"You've outworked everyone in this department. They want you on the case. It's a career booster…believe me. You and Grissom solve these murders and you're on your way."

She didn't care to move up.

She merely wanted to exist.

Her efforts of staying hid had worked her into a job with the one man she wanted to avoid.

Sara glanced down at the files on her desk. "Look, I'm new. Give it to someone else…I'll understand, really."

"Come on Sara. It'll be like going home."

She wanted to disappear at that moment.

"Dr. Grissom has already accepted."

"He has?"

"Yes, he's relieved you're coming there…but he can't start for about a week…something about a recent hospital stay."

"Hospital?" she asked sounding alarmed.

"So do I say you're set to go?" asked George.

"I guess I'm going home," she said softly.

Note from author:

Here we go....

Take care


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

"Hey, I heard you're being pulled from working in the field," said Catherine.

"I'm going to be a consultant for the F.B.I.," replied Grissom.

"Nice," chuckled Catherine. "How did you manage to get stuck with that? It doesn't sound like something you would volunteer for."

"Ecklie, but it will help me keep some normal hours for awhile."

"So, today is the big day," said Catherine.

"I'm going to pick him up after shift."

"Is the nursery ready?"

"Lisa said everything seems to be in order."

Catherine glanced at the couch in his office. "Gil, when was the last time you were home?"

He hadn't been back since Heather offered him sanctuary from the pain of losing Sara.

He glanced at her but said nothing.

"Mind if I tag along?" she asked.

"I think I can handle this," he said.

"I know but…bringing him home…without Heather. It must be hard for…"

"My son has no mother…yes…it will be hard for him."

"When are you going to admit how hard this is for you?" she asked stepping forward.

"I'll see you a couple of days," he said as he headed toward the door.

"Hiding the pain is only going to make it worse," she warned softly.

He did not linger to reply but rushed out without another word.

Nick stuck his head in the office.

"Just missed him," said Catherine.

"How's he doing?" asked Nick.

"I'm worried about him Nicky. It seems the only thing getting him through this is his son."

"Things just got worse," whispered Nick.

Catherine looked confused.

"I happened to glance over at an F.B.I. fax that just came through for Ecklie. It was a request for lab clearance for the agent they're sending."

"Grissom seemed relieved to be working with the Feds."

"The agent is Sara…Sidle."

Catherine's head snapped up.

"You think Grissom knows?" asked Nick.

"No way," breathed Catherine.

"You think we should…warn him," whispered Nick.

"There'll be time enough for that…let's give him some time with his son," said Catherine.

"You think Sara knows…about what happened?" asked Nick.

"I never cared for Grissom…staying with Heather…but she never interfered with Grissom being there for Sara…even though she was pregnant with his child, she never pulled that card…but let him practically live at the hospital. She knew Grissom wanted Sara to stay. That took guts…I'm not sure I would have done the same thing in her shoes. She must have really loved him."

The nurse watched as Grissom strapped the baby into the carrier.

"You did that very well," smiled the nurse.

"I've been practicing," he admitted.

Grissom placed the blanket around the baby.

He lifted the carrier and walked out with his son. His eyes glanced into the back seat several times as he drove towards the townhouse. The baby had been quiet during the entire trip. As soon as he pulled into the driveway, he sat there and stared at the house.

_We never got to bring our son home…_

There was a slight whimper and he quietly got out, hurrying to the passenger side. He smiled when he saw the baby staring at him.

"Welcome home, David," he whispered.

Grissom opened the door to the townhouse and was surprised when Hank did not come to greet him.

He stepped inside setting the carrier onto the table and then gently lifted the baby.

His hands were gentle as he patted his son's back.

He took a deep breath as he glanced around.

Little had changed.

With each glance around the townhouse, he was reminded of Sara.

He smiled sadly at the baby. "I guess it's just you and me."

He stepped into the guest room and admired the change to the room. It had been painted a light green color with bright jungle wall paper. There were bugs and insects of every kind. It made him chuckle.

_Thank you Heather…_

He sat down in the rocker and adjusted the baby so that they looked eye to eye.

"This is our home…this is your room…mine is right next door. Hank will no doubt sleep in here with you…he abandoned me months ago. He's a very smart dog. He misses…her."

He quickly hugged the baby tight against his chest.

"I do miss her…I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do…we're going to have to work together…you and I…but know this…I'll always be here…protect you…love you."

He gulped back a sob as he kissed the baby feverishly.

The front door opened and Grissom heard the sound of four paws charging through the house. Hank stopped at the entrance of the room.

"Hey Hank," called Grissom as he quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeve while he held the baby against his chest.

The dog's tail hung low.

"Come and see…David."

Hank slowly approached the small bundle. He sniffed several times before lying down on the rug. Lisa stuck her head in the room.

"I'm sorry. I meant to be here as soon as you arrived but Hank had other plans," she said sounding out of breath.

"Didn't come when you called?" he asked.

Lisa looked at the dog. "He didn't want to leave…the other house…but it was fine."

"We've only been here a few minutes," said Grissom.

Lisa glanced at the clock.

"I'll get his bottle ready," offered Lisa.

"I'll do that," said Grissom.

"Oh, okay. Let me hold him and…"

"No need. I have him."

She shuffled her feet.

He glanced at her. "Is there something wrong?"

"Heather wanted me to….remind you that I was in charge of David…she said you would try to do everything yourself."

"I'm not. It's just…" he stared into the baby's face. "I need to…do this."

"Why don't we do it together? I'll observe so…"

"Make sure I do it right?"

She smiled. "That too."

Lisa watched as he juggled the baby while making a bottle.

She intercepted a few times but all in all he was turning out to be quite efficient as a father.

Once the baby was fed, there was the matter of changing him.

David squirmed making it difficult.

Grissom grimaced at the dark smelling stool.

Lisa laughed. "I bet you've never smelled anything like that."

"Decomp," grinned Grissom.

"Decomp?" she asked.

"Decomposing body that's been left…" he stopped as she looked shocked.

"Part of my job," he said.

She extended her hands and he reluctantly relinquished the baby.

"You should get some sleep," she said.

He hesitated a moment before stepping out with Hank by his side. He opened the master bedroom and shut the door behind him. Hank whined. His hand reached down and petted the dog.

_I miss you, Sara._

He showered trying to avoid lying on the bed but soon exhaustion overtook him and he found himself on her side, with her pillow, and wondering if Lisa would be able to hear the soft sob that came from him.

Hank whined again, jumping on the bed to lie beside him.

He rolled to his side and buried his head in her pillow praying there would be some small scent of her.

He woke a few hours later.

It was the sound of David crying in the next room that woke him.

He quickly came out of the room and stepped into the nursery.

"I'm sorry," said Lisa. "He has quite a temper when it comes to being changed."

Lisa finished with the soiled diaper and then dressed the baby. Grissom took him into his arms.

"I can take him," offered Lisa.

"It's fine," he whispered as he settled into the rocker.

"Could I fix you something to eat?" she asked.

He shook his head as he continued to rock the baby.

"Ms. Heather said it might be hard for the first few days. It would take time to adjust to sleeping here…she said it would get better once a routine was kept."

"It's just his first day," defended Grissom.

"She was talking… about you," explained Lisa.

Grissom smiled sadly.

The first time he slept at Heather's, he had asked for her to stay with him.

It wasn't that he desired her body but rather he needed comforting.

She knew that.

She merely lay there beside him, letting him pull her into his arms as he wept.

Sara's video had been a good bye letter of epic proportions.

He preferred the other goodbye.

At least she had told me he was the only home she had ever known.

_I miss my home…_

She had told him she had loved him forever.

_Ditto._

Oh, the letter had hurt. It had hurt like hell but she wasn't saying that it was over.

The video did that.

By not making up his mind, she had moved on.

_How could she do that?_

_She promised me everything and then she took it away?_

_She was pregnant with my child and never told me?_

Through the few horrendous hours at the hospital she had divulged a few things.

She knew that he had moved in with Heather.

She thought the worst even though his actions had been innocent.

He did not want to be alone.

He could not bear to live in the townhouse without her.

She had not even given him a chance to explain.

She had been too ill recovering from the wreck and the delivery.

Then, there was the loss of their child.

He knew she blamed him.

He blamed himself.

She would probably never forgive him for the decision he was forced to make.

He swiped at his eyes.

He missed her.

He missed her with every breath.

The small baby in the next room was now his family.

David needed him but more importantly Grissom needed David.

He needed to feel loved again.

There was too much loss in his life and he wasn't sure how he would have gotten through it without Heather's baby.

She had ensured Grissom would pull through this depression by giving him something he had lost, his own son.

During the past several months while he thought he was caring for Heather, she was caring for him and even preparing him for this next step.

_You were a good friend, Heather…_

_I promise I won't let you down…_

He did what Heather instructed.

He forced himself into a routine.

Despite Heather's detailed planning, things did not go as smoothly.

David was still fragile.

The first night had been difficult for both father and son.

By the second night, Grissom was in a frenzy over David's cough.

"His breathing seems labored," said Grissom to Lisa.

"He's a little congested but…"

"I'm not taking any chances," said Grissom.

"Grissom, taking a preemie to a doctor's clinic could expose him to far worse than just a slight cough," warned Lisa. "I'm a trained nurse and I…"

"I'm calling a friend. I'll have him come over," advised Grissom.

Lisa dropped the discussion.

Grissom seemed frazzled by the time Doc arrived.

"Who am I supposed to check? You or the baby?" huffed Doc. "You look awful, Gil."

"Could you hurry, Doc? Check his lungs," urged Grissom.

Grissom impatiently waited for Doc's verdict.

Doc glanced at his friend.

"David is fine…actually for a baby with his birth history, he's doing remarkably well," assured Doc.

Grissom sighed, not caring if his friend saw him slowly fall apart. He slid down into the rocker, letting his head slip into his hands.

Doc stood there giving his friend a moment to compose himself.

Grissom held the baby tight as he wiped his sleeve across his eyes.

"Gil, you're doing a good job. David is thriving. He's going to be just fine," urged Doc.

"I can't seem to stop worrying. I'm afraid he's going to get sick and his immune system is not going to be able to fight off an infection. He's so small…so fragile still."

"He's strong and he shows no signs of being the frail infant you think you see. That's fear, Gil. You see David and you see your son, William. William died but David is going to live."

Grissom nodded as he rocked David clutching him to his chest.

Doc patted his friend's back. "I'll just stop in every day and check on David…and you."

"Thanks Doc," whispered Grissom.

The time flew by and soon he was stepping back into his office.

He stopped off at the front desk and frowned when he saw the messages. Catherine glanced up and waved.

"Hey!" she called.

He did not stop but tried to sift through the messages while hurrying to his office. David had been fussy as he was getting ready to leave. He held the baby until Lisa practically pushed him out the door.

"Call me…if he continues," he called but the door was shut. He stood there trying to hear his son but she had taken him into another part of the house.

The F.B.I. agent was scheduled to arrive on this date and Grissom was already running behind by his standards. He had wanted to get with Catherine for an update on the lab before turning things over to her once again so he could focus on the serial cases.

It wasn't that he wanted to solve the case for the good of the lab. In fact, he did not care whether he did or not except that he knew it would give him further options down the road which he would finally need to consider because of David.

"Grissom!" yelled Ecklie.

He turned and dreaded the look on Ecklie's face.

"Here's the clearance…as well as the okay to work offsite," Ecklie grumbled.

"Offsite?" he asked.

"F.B.I. wants this for your eyes only. The case files have to remain under the lock and key of their agent….you know you could have told me…she was coming."

"She?" asked Grissom.

Grissom looked confused.

"Wait, you mean you don't know who the F.B.I. is sending?" asked Ecklie.

"I haven't been here," grumbled Grissom.

Ecklie groaned. "Oh, this is going to be disastrous."

Grissom continued walking. "I need to get some things done before this "she" shows up. Catherine!"

Catherine rolled her eyes as she started toward his office.

They did not stop until they were safely behind his closed door.

"How've you been?" she asked.

"David is fine…me too," he declared.

"You uhm didn't return my calls," she said. "I was…"

"I appreciate the offers but we managed. We have a schedule…we're adjusting."

"Good," she said nervously.

"Is there something wrong?' asked Grissom.

"Now that you're back, I need to warn you…"

A familiar voice from behind Catherine interrupted.

"Hey," said Sara softly.

Note from author:

What a place to stop....

Take care


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

He gripped the desk to keep from leaping from his feet.

_Oh God, I've missed you, Sara…_

"Welcome…back…but then that would imply you're staying," said Catherine with a cold tone.

Sara ignored the jab.

The woman had sent a rather scathing letter to Sara when she refused to return to clean up the mess she left behind.

"Take him back or let him go," had been the theme.

She'd tried to do that by sending the divorce papers.

She'd been completely reasonable by asking for nothing.

That is, except her name back and he wasn't about to give it back.

The shredded divorce papers were proof.

In fact, he'd addressed the envelope to "Sara Grissom." He'd even underlined the last name and written it in bold letters.

She lied to her counselor when she said she'd thrown it away.

It had been placed under the adjacent pillow on her bed.

When she couldn't sleep, her fingers traced his handwriting, praying that there was some room for reconciliation after all of these months.

She'd left him when they needed each other the most.

His actions at the hospital clearly showed a man desperate to have her back.

Of course, it was his living arrangements that still toyed with her resolve.

She wanted her home back.

Her home was Grissom.

It was the only home she'd ever known.

Without him, she felt empty.

Now, she was back where it began, standing in the doorway like she'd done a thousand times and yet it seemed different this time.

They both were a bit battle worn.

"I'm sorry. I meant to get here early but I had to check in with the office. I had a box of records that was supposed to be shipped but apparently they've not arrived yet," said Sara as she leaned against the door frame.

"Records?" he asked.

"I brought copies of all of the files," she explained.

His expression told her he had no idea she was the agent sent by the Feds.

"I guess George didn't tell you they were sending…me."

"You work for the F.B.I.?" he asked.

She felt very awkward at that moment.

She came thinking he had wanted to work with her.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

"After you left, the Feds faxed over a request for Sara's clearance here in the lab," explained Catherine.

He wished he had listened to those messages now.

Catherine excused herself as Sara stepped aside to let her pass.

"Catherine," called Grissom. She turned and he handed her the messages from his inbox. "Since you're acting supervisor while I'm on special assignment, you'll need these."

She frowned but stepped out of the office.

"Come in…we'll check on that shipment," he managed to get out.

"Look, I can excuse myself from this case," she said as she started to leave.

"Wait! Sara, don't…please."

They both looked at one another.

"Come in and we'll get started," he offered. He held his breath as he waited. She shut his door and slid into the chair.

He smiled.

She took the moment to look at him. He'd lost quite a bit of weight and he seemed quite fragile.

He took a moment to fully look at her. She'd lost quite a bit of weight and she seemed quite fragile.

Both felt the need to be gentle with the other's emotions.

"How do you like working for the F.B.I.?" he asked.

"It's different. I spend more time with paperwork rather than out in the field…it has its tradeoffs."

"Our lab is better," he announced.

She grinned. "Yes…but we have more resources."

He returned the grin. "We have Ecklie…and Hodges."

She laughed. "We have Ralph…much like Ecklie…don't have a Hodges…I guess you win."

They were both quiet for awhile.

"There's a lot of evidence on these cases. It's going to take weeks to go through it."

He smiled inwardly.

"George is willing to share this info for your eyes only," she said. "He doesn't want us working here…in the lab."

Grissom thought he was dreaming.

"I'm uhm using a furnished suite…courtesy of the Feds. It has an office…where we can work in privacy."

"Sounds great," he said quickly.

He couldn't remember when he last felt giddy.

Judy tapped on the door and then stuck her head inside. "Sir, there's a box of records for Sara Sidle."

He glanced at her. "I guess your box has arrived."

Heads turned as they strolled down the hall together. Grissom picked up the box and headed out the door. "I'll follow," he said.

He slipped into his vehicle and breathed in deeply.

_A second chance…_

He carried the box to her suite.

Once inside, they spread out the files.

"I guess we should start with the first murders," she announced.

They quickly went into work mode and it was as if no time had lapsed since they had worked side by side.

Hours passed and yet they had not even gotten through the first case.

He stretched looking rather tired.

She remembered George's comment about a hospital stay and wondered if he had fully recovered.

She had been worried since the moment she had been told and was tempted once or twice to call but could not bring herself to after sending the divorce papers.

By his appearance he was far from recovering.

"You uhm feeling okay?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

He couldn't remember when he had rested well.

"You want something to drink?" she asked. "I have some juice, water… I could make some coffee," she offered.

"Coffee would be good," he admitted.

She glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't paying attention to time…it'll take some time getting used to graveyard again."

"You uhm don't work graveyard anymore?" he asked.

"No…first shift…sometimes evenings but I'm home most nights now," she said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I could switch…while we're working on this case," he offered.

"There's no need," she stated quickly.

He downed a cup of coffee within minutes as she sipped on hers.

"How long have you been working on these cases?" he asked.

"I've been monitoring the murders for a few months. I wasn't made lead worker until over a week ago," she replied.

"How uhm long have you been working for the F.B.I.?" he asked.

"I started working for the F.B.I. shortly after Warrick's funeral," she said softly.

"I thought you were in Costa Rica," he said.

"I was…until I…I came back after I found out I was pregnant…I was only in Costa Rica for six weeks," she said.

He wanted to ask more but didn't know how much she was willing to tell him.

She had not even divulged this much when she was in the hospital.

A gurgling sound startled them both.

"Hungry?" she asked.

"I uhm didn't eat lunch," he admitted.

"Delivery?" she asked.

They settled on pizza.

It was quick and would arrive within minutes.

She took a slice as she glanced at him.

"How've you been?" she asked.

He'd been miserable.

"How've you been?" he asked back.

They both looked at one another.

"Are you okay with me working on this case with you?" she asked.

"I'm glad to be working with you again. I'm glad to see you again. I'm glad…why are using your maiden name?" he blurted out.

"I uhm never really used…yours."

He knew that.

He wanted to know if they were still married.

"It's yours," he whispered.

"I guess it is…since you shredded the divorce papers."

"I don't want a divorce. I thought you knew that," he said sounding hurt.

She bit her lower lip.

"Grissom…"

"I understood…when you went away…when you left that note…I was willing to wait."

"But you didn't," she scoffed.

"Yes! I did. When you came back for Warrick's funeral, I thought you would stay."

"Nothing had changed. I couldn't work in the lab. I wanted you to come with me. You didn't."

"I couldn't leave the lab! They just lost you…then Warrick."

"I understood…that," she breathed.

They both glared at one another.

"You should have told me about the baby," he grieved.

"I tried."

He looked confused.

"I was in Costa Rico for about five weeks when I got sick. I…uhm found out I was pregnant…it was after I sent the video."

She took a deep breath.

"I came back to Vegas…to the townhouse. The neighbors told me you'd not been home in weeks. I got worried so I came to the lab…I followed you."

He sucked in air.

"Sara…"

His phone rang and he cursed.

"Grissom."

"Grissom, I'm sorry…but…" began Lisa.

He glanced at his watch.

_I should have been home an hour ago…_

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I lost track of time. Is everything okay?"

Sara's eyes quickly looked away. It was obvious the call was personal and she wondered if he were talking with Heather.

"David is fine," Lisa said. "I just needed to know if you were going to work a double. I could stay longer…make arrangements."

"No."

"Oh."

"I'll be there…soon," he said.

Sara busied herself with the files.

"We need to finish this," he said.

Her hand flew up. "Don't."

"Sara, I need to explain."

"Let's…not end this…bad…on our first day…of work," she said.

He nodded slowly.

He hadn't meant to get into an argument.

He raked his hands through his hair.

She could sense he was remorseful for his outbursts.

She hadn't meant to unload on him so soon.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered.

She nodded.

He started towards the door but stopped suddenly.

She was caught off guard when he grabbed her into his arms.

"I love you, Sara. I've never stopped loving you."

Before she could respond, his lips devoured hers.

He quickly released her and was gone before she could react.

She leaned against the wall as her hand covered her mouth while the other wrapped itself around her smooth abdomen.

"I love you, too," she cried.

He sat in the rocker with David as Lisa watched him from a distance.

He'd been quiet for some time.

David had fallen asleep an hour ago and yet he continued to rock him.

"Grissom?" she asked softly.

He turned and looked at her.

"I could put him down for you," she offered.

"I uhm just want to hold him," he replied.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

He was scared.

He feared how Sara would react to the news of David. He was sure no one had divulged his existence to her yet.

"I'm uh just tired," he said sadly.

"Let me take him…"

He vehemently shook his head.

Lisa slipped out of the room.

He needed to cling to David for awhile.

He glanced down at the small face staring up at him.

"I'm going to keep my promise," he whispered. "Both of them…I just don't know how to get her back. She's not mourned…I can feel it…how do I introduce you when she's not faced the death of William."

The baby gurgled and he kissed him tenderly.

"You could help," he said. "You need so much more love than I can give but Sara…Sara is love. She's got to love you. You make the pain easier," He sniffled. "I'm trying David. I'm really trying."

Grissom hugged the baby to his chest.

_This isn't going to be easy…_

He showed up at her suite early.

She opened the door half asleep.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out as he glanced at her appearance.

"It's fine. I uhm didn't sleep well," she admitted.

"You could lie back down," he offered.

"No need. I'll made some coffee…extra dark," she yawned. He stepped into the room and could tell she had been working on the case.

"They pay you overtime?" he asked.

"I didn't have anything else to do," she shrugged.

He took the mug she offered and drank. He glanced at her.

"One notch away from motor oil…but it'll keep you awake," she said.

He chuckled.

"I uhm found a few things after you left," she said.

She leaned over the table, spreading out several photographs.

He leaned in close to see, causing his body to rub against hers.

His close proximity unnerved her.

He felt her tense but he refused to slide over.

She held her ground in defiance.

Both suffered.

"Here…on this photo," she pointed out. Grissom stared at it. "The reflection."

"Yes," she breathed. "I think if we enlarged this slowly we may be able to make out a few more details of the person standing in the rear."

"It's a possibility. I could get…"

"This is for our eyes only…per my boss. It's us or no one," she said.

He stared at her. "You've already been working on it."

"We have a few more sophisticated pieces of equipment than…you guys. The image enhancer is one of them," she said. He watched as it slowly worked on each segment.

"This will take hours," she said. "I'll let you know when it's completed."

"Good work," he said.

She ignored the compliment as she stared down at the photos.

"This guy's killed a lot of people," she said.

"Sara…"

She rubbed her temple.

"Headache?" he asked.

"I'm uhm going to grab a bagel. Want one?" she offered.

He shook his head as she stepped out of the room while he began pulling out additional evidence.

By the end of the shift they had laid out most of the case file information. He glanced at his watch.

"Never known you to be so conscious of the time," she murmured.

"I told myself I would cut back…at the lab," he said.

Fear gripped her.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he said. "I could use some dinner."

She glanced around. "I haven't shopped since I got here."

"There's that nice Italian restaurant we used to go to…"

"We uhm could order room service," she said.

She fumbled on the counter and came across the menu, handing it to him.

Food was ordered. Grissom sat down on the couch with a case file. She chose a chair. He tried not to notice how her legs curled up into the chair. She'd often sat in his lap that way. He leaned back propping his feet up on the coffee table. She glanced over and saw that his eyes were closed. The file dropped onto his lap and she was certain he was asleep. She gently retrieved the folder. She sat there watching him sleep. He looked tired.

An hour passed and there was a tap at the door. Sara quietly set the table with the food as he continued to sleep. Once everything was ready, she gently shook him.

He was startled. "Is David alright?"

"David?" she asked.

"I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep," he said trying to recover from the slip.

"The food is here," she said.

She tried not to stare as they ate but he seemed overly tired.

He said nothing as he finished part of the food and then pushed the plate away.

He grabbed the folder and went back to work.

His eyes remained fixed on the evidence report from the last three victims.

"Shift ended," she announced.

He glanced at his watch.

"You look…tired. You could crash on the couch for a few hours," she offered.

He wanted to take her up on the offer but he felt his head shake.

She appeared hurt but quickly turned her attention to the layout of the evidence.

"You should try to sleep," he said as he grabbed his jacket.

She ignored the comment as he stood there shuffling his feet.

She glanced up briefly letting her eyes meet his for a second before dropping them intentionally to the evidence. "You wouldn't want to be late…getting home."

She cringed at her own barb.

He'd often told her that the townhouse had never felt like a home until she moved in.

"_My home is you," he'd whispered as he made love to her._

She whirled around to apologize but he was gone.

She folded her arms and cursed at herself.

Note from author:

Here we go... Leave a review.

Take care!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

Sara paced the floor the next evening as the hours ticked by and yet he did not come.

She glanced at her watch for the hundredth time.

_He's not late…_

_He's just not early…_

She forced herself to return to work.

She'd slept little for the second day in a row, her body revolting against the change in shifts.

Her phone rang and she saw that it was him.

"I'm running late," he said with his voice muffled.

"No problem," she said.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"If you're not feeling…"

"I'll be there in an hour."

He was precisely an hour and twenty minutes late.

She'd never known him to be late for anything.

He hurried inside, throwing off his jacket as he frowned at the layout.

"Couldn't sleep again?" he asked.

"When I first came to Vegas, it was months before I could sleep during the day," she admitted.

He didn't look rested either.

She eyed his appearance.

"Would you tell me if you're sick?" she asked quietly.

"I'm…not sick," he replied.

"Trouble sleeping too?" she asked.

David had been colicky. The baby had cried for hours as Lisa and Grissom tried to console him. He had walked back and forth gently swaying the baby which seemed to ease his mournful cries. Grissom quoted Shakespeare until he was hoarse. The baby stared intently at his face, grasping onto one of Grissom's fingers and wrapping his little hand around it.

Grissom rubbed the small hand that held his finger as he continued until the baby had fallen asleep. He slumped down on the couch, content to hold his son, while he rested. He later placed him in the crib while he tried to get some sleep also. The baby had managed to sleep a few hours before waking causing the whole scenario to begin once again.

"Yes," he replied as he tried to focus on the files.

She watched as he studied the layout. She was certain he had a headache. After years of sharing a house, she had grown accustomed to his quirks. His knees hurt when the weather was rainy or cool. Stress or lack of sleep often brought on migraines. She'd learned to push him to take naps which seemed to ease the intensity of the migraines. One swipe of his hand to his temple and she knew, he was already in pain.

"Have your medicine?" she asked.

He had been so engrossed in the layout that he did not hear the question. She gently reached out and touched him.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmmm?"

"Go lie down," she urged pointing towards the couch.

"I'm fine," he replied as he swiped at his forehead and then continued working.

She fought back the urge to argue.

She grabbed a file, pulling out its contents and began sifting through it. An hour or two passed as he continued working with the layout.

"How was the image?" he asked.

"It's a bit grainy but at least we have something more tangible…" she stopped as she watched him teeter.

"Gil!" Her arms instinctively grabbed his midsection as she steadied him. "Get off your feet!"

She glanced toward the couch but quickly steered him toward the bedroom. Within seconds he was sitting on the bed. She knelt down, pulling off his shoes and without thinking reached for his belt. She had already unbuckled it when his hands stopped her.

"I can do this," he whispered.

"Fall on your face and I'll…look, I've done this a thousand times…let me help," she whispered.

He did.

His pants were tossed on a chair followed by his shirt. He stretched out in the bed and groaned.

"Be right back," she said.

She returned with a glass of water and handed him some medicine.

He glanced at it.

"I never got rid of…not sure why I still carry it…take it," she ordered.

He smiled sadly at the fact that she still carried his medication with her. He'd forgotten it a few times and it was then she had begun to carry a back up. It was those times he would tease her they were acting like an old married couple.

He closed his eyes, not fighting the fatigue any longer and slept. Sara knelt there for a few minutes as she hovered over him. She had not seen him this exhausted since Warrick's death and wondered if things at the lab were bad. Thoughts of his personal life crossed her mind as well. He had been the one to initiate the kiss the other day. The effects of the kiss still lingered. She wanted him. She'd always want him.

Besides, she had offered to excuse herself from the case but he protested vehemently. She'd not ask Greg about the specifics of Grissom's personal life. Her pride was too huge and her self confidence too small to find out the truth. Now, as she observed his restless sleep, she wondered if perhaps he'd ended things with Heather.

She couldn't imagine him kissing her like that if he were sharing his bed with another woman.

Grissom was loyal.

At least she always thought he was.

Even when he'd previously helped Heather, he'd emphasized the need for trust.

Her jealousy had almost driven a wedge between them.

He'd told her over and over that trust was sacred in a relationship and secrets were destined to destroy a marriage.

She gulped.

She had kept her pregnancy a secret.

_Maybe he didn't have a relationship with Heather…_

_Maybe…_

She refused to speculate any further.

It would hurt far too much to get up her hopes to then find out that he had indeed moved on.

_Why the kiss…_

It wasn't just any kiss.

It had been intense and needful and soul gripping.

_He still loves me...he said so..._

She gently let herself touch him.

She missed that.

Once they had gotten together, he was always touching her.

She could walk past him in the kitchen and his hand would reach out and caress a part of her body.

His fingers were always gliding down her arms.

It was how Natalie had discovered they were lovers.

She'd caught him touching her.

It's funny how the others never noticed.

She noticed every time his hands came near her.

It was almost electrifying.

Even before skin touched skin, she felt him.

No man had ever aroused her like Grissom.

One look from those pale blue eyes and she wanted him.

Even now as the doubts stirred in her mind and heart, if he wanted her, she could not deny him.

It was a powerful and fearful effect he stirred within her.

Sara glanced at the other side of the bed.

It was tempting to lie there letting herself sleep.

She knew that he always seemed to have a calming effect on her when they slept together.

After the abduction, she could not seem to sleep unless he was there holding her.

She glanced at the fatigue on his face and she could not resist running her fingers through his hair.

Her hand gently cupped his face.

One touch and her hand quickly ran across his forehead.

He was quite warm as she studied him.

_He's sick…_

_Is it related to the hospital stay several weeks ago?_

She hated the unanswered questions. She sat there with him a few minutes before she forced herself to return to work. She glanced down at his phone lying on top of the bedside table and took it not wanting him to be awakened by the lab.

_They'll just have to do without him…_

No one had called in the last couple of days but she wasn't taking any chances. He needed rest and she was bent on giving him that.

Hours passed as he continued to sleep. She slipped in and out from time to time checking on the fever.

It startled her when his phone began to ring. She grabbed it, ready to dismiss anyone from the lab but she was not prepared when she saw that the call was coming from the townhouse.

_I thought he was living with Heather?_

_Maybe he moved out?_

_Then who's calling from the townhouse?_

_I don't care who it is…_

_He's sleeping and I'm not going to wake him…_

The phone stopped.

She turned her attention back to the layout.

She nibbled on some crackers, not wishing to bother with food. She glanced down at her watch just as the bedroom door opened and he stepped out fully dressed.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Better…thank you," he said. "What time…"

He glanced at the clock on the wall and cursed.

"I didn't want to wake you," explained Sara. "You've been running a fever and…"

"Where's my phone?" he asked anxiously.

She handed it to him. "Someone called…from the townhouse."

He took the phone, checking his messages as he grabbed his jacket.

"You should have waked me," he grumbled.

Her arms folded in front of her in defiance.

"I thought your health was more important than a phone call from Heather!"

"It wasn't Heather," he shot back in a harsh tone.

"Sorry…not trying to pry into your personal life but…"

"Heather is dead," he yelled.

His own tone caught him by surprise.

Sara stood there shocked.

"She died a few months ago…cancer," he said as he headed toward the door.

"I'm uhm sorry. I didn't know," she blurted out.

A thousand questions raced in her brain.

_Who called from the townhouse?_

_What is wrong with him?_

_He seems worried…_

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said.

"Look, handle whatever you've got to handle…I can do this," she breathed.

"I just need to go home and check…on Hank," he lied.

"Hank?"

"I have someone staying with him," he said.

"Is he okay? We could…move this to the townhouse…"

"No! I'll be back," he said as he clenched his teeth from the pain. The migraine was a dull ache but it was returning quickly.

"Gil, you're sick. I could help. I'll drive you…"

"I said no!"

It was as if he'd slapped her.

She stumbled back, gripping the file in her hand.

"Sara…"

He was interrupted by her phone.

"Sidle," she announced as she stepped away to talk with her boss.

When she turned again, Grissom was gone.

He hurried into the house and was relieved to hear silence.

He stepped into the nursery and found Lisa there.

"I'm sorry I didn't get your message," said Grissom.

"It's fine. It wasn't anything important…I just thought you would want to know that he's better," smiled Lisa.

Grissom sighed.

"Want to hold him for awhile?" she asked.

He reached for the baby but then stopped himself.

"I think I may have a fever," he announced as he swiped his hand across his forehead.

"You should check," cautioned Lisa. "David's immune system is still low."

He glanced in the mirror as he read the thermometer.

The sleep had been exactly what he needed. Although the fever was low, he did not want to risk compromising David's health.

"It's a low grade fever," announced Grissom.

"You should keep your distance," advised Lisa. "Just for a few hours to be safe."

Grissom nodded.

"You seem rested," said Lisa.

"I'm afraid I slept through shift. I should go back and try to get some work done," said Grissom.

"My husband is on a business trip so if you need me to stay over, it's not a problem," offered Lisa.

"Thank you."

He showered and changed quickly before returning to Sara's.

He felt his stomach knot when she opened the door.

It was apparent she was still upset. Some of the case files had been placed in her briefcase.

She was on the phone as he stepped inside.

"Let me know as soon as you can," she urged.

She closed the phone and placed it inside the briefcase.

"Sara, I'm sorry for yelling. I over reacted but…"

"You never seemed to mind losing track of time before…it's good to see that someone has persuaded you to change your behavior…I never could."

He was prepared for her defenses to be up.

He stepped forward but she retreated.

He was not prepared for that.

"I'm sorry," he said as he stepped toward her again.

"Fine," she replied as she skirted around the layout table and headed toward the kitchen.

She seemed a bit uneasy when she felt him following.

"If you want coffee, you can make it," she announced.

"No, thank you," he said tersely.

She fumbled through the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

She turned and came face to face with him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again.

"You've said that," she breathed.

"I mean it," he said positioning himself so that she was pinned against the counter.

"You want to work…work," she huffed.

He placed each hand on the counter effectively trapping her.

She stared at the hands and then glared at him.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Fine…you're forgiven," she spat.

"Am I?" he whispered as he leaned in closer.

Her pulse quickened as he took one final step causing their bodies to mold together.

She closed her eyes when she felt his hand on her cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Stop saying that!" she yelled as she tried to break free causing his hands to grip her body firmly but gentle.

"I am," he said as he rested his cheek against hers.

"For what?" she managed to get out.

"For whatever you feel that I've done…to us," he said.

"Stop," she whispered.

"What am I doing?" he asked.

"Grissom…let me go," she said.

"I…could never do that," he said as he wrapped his arms around her despite the slight protest. His mouth sought hers as he plunged with such longing they were both breathless. Her senses were reeling as she felt herself being lifted. Her brain told her to stop him but she found herself pulling at his shirt as he carried her to the bedroom. She arched her body the moment she felt him enter her. One thrust and they both groaned from the ecstasy of the moment.

All thoughts were abandoned as they focused on pleasuring each other. One final thrust and they climaxed together. He refused to release her as he held her body firmly against his. She did not resist but let herself enjoy the feel of him inside her once more. Her eyes shot open when she felt him moving inside her once more. He lifted her leg and thrust deeply causing a wave of sweet sensations to overtake her. He made love to her more slowly this time, easing back to watch the emotions play across her face as he sent her over the edge once more.

He soon followed and collapsed this time beside her.

He pulled her into his arms as he let the exhaustion wash over him. He was asleep within minutes. Sara lay there swiping at the tears as she tried not to let her emotions take hold. She quietly slipped from the bed as she stepped into the bathroom.

She gently closed the bedroom just as her phone rang.

"Got those flight arrangements made for you," said George.

"You think it's our guy?" asked Sara.

"You've been studying his profile…you'll soon be able to answer that question for yourself," replied George.

She grabbed a few things placing them in her briefcase and left.

Note from author:

Thanks to everyone for leaving a review. I am posting a little early but I don't think you mind.

Take care!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

Grissom rolled over and frowned when he found an empty bed.

He dressed and stepped into the next room but was concerned when he could not seem to locate her.

He pulled out his phone and dialed her number.

"Sidle."

"It's Grissom…your last name is Grissom," he corrected.

She stopped suddenly in the middle of the airport.

Grissom could hear the flight announcements through the phone.

"Where are you?' he panicked as he searched around the room for her personal belongings.

"I'm at the airport," she announced as she continued toward the gate.

"Sara…"

She could hear the desperation in his voice.

It made her smile even though her heart lurched at the pain that seeped through his voice.

"I'm headed to a crime scene…another body," she explained. "I should be back tomorrow."

"Be careful," he said sounding relieved.

"You uhm still have a fever," she cautioned.

"Thanks…for caring," he said.

She flipped off the phone and walked toward the plane.

He rolled up his sleeves and began processing the rest of the evidence.

He was quite pleased with his progress as he left and then returned only to find the suite empty still.

Hours passed and yet there was no word from her.

He'd left messages but her phone had been turned off.

David had been sleeping better giving Grissom time to recuperate from the slight cold he'd managed to get.

He was reluctant to hold David for fear he would transfer the cold to his son but David wailed for Grissom.

He rocked his son to sleep and then returned to the suite to find it still vacant.

By the end of the shift, he was in a frenzy to talk with her.

He tried her cell once more but cursed when it rolled over to voice mail.

He was just about to leave when the door opened and she stepped inside.

She turned and came face to face with his wrath.

"Why didn't you call?" he fumed.

She took a deep breath, trying to keep the exhaustion out of her voice.

"Phones wouldn't work…out in the middle of nowhere," she replied. "I still tried."

"You could have…called at the airport," he shot back.

She held up the phone. "It's dead...needs to be recharged," she retorted.

Both stepped away, needing to calm down.

"Was it…"

"Looked like it to me. Copies of the evidence are going to be sent to the Vegas lab," she said.

He turned and looked at her.

She'd not slept in days and was exhausted.

She plugged in her phone and grumbled when it rang.

She sneezed and then cursed as she reached for a Kleenex.

"Sidle."

She leaned back into the chair. "When does he want it?" She groaned.

He wanted to stay and care for her but Lisa had to leave early.

"Get some rest," he whispered as he made his way to the door.

He sat there wondering if she had gotten to bed as soon as he left.

Grissom looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms.

_How is she going to react when she finds out about you?_

He softly kissed the baby's hand as he placed him in the crib. He stood there watching him sleep.

_She could learn to love you…_

He was anxious to get back to the suite.

He tapped on the door and then used the pass code to enter.

He spotted her on the couch.

Papers were strewn about the coffee table.

He tried to take the notebook from her hand but she stopped him.

"I'm not asleep," she announced.

"Sorry," he murmured.

She slowly sat up and shuffled the papers into a stack. "George wanted a written report on our current findings," she said between yawns.

"Did you get any sleep?" he asked.

"I just finished," she muttered. "The Feds have more paperwork than the lab could ever imagine."

She sneezed.

"How do you feel?" he asked reaching toward her but she dodged his hand.

"A quick shower and then…"

"Sara, I'm sorry I couldn't stay," he said feeling the need to explain his callous departure.

She ignored the apology as she headed to the bedroom but stopped. "There are three photos…same figure…he's blending in with the crowd…wanting to see everyone's reaction to his handy work. He was there in Phoenix…when I was there. I just reviewed the photos a few hours ago."

She was gone before he could reply. Thoughts of Natalie surfaced. He remembered the fear he felt when they couldn't locate Sara. He grabbed the photos and stared at them.

She stepped out later dressed in sweats.

Grissom had ordered food and it sat there on the tray.

"I figured you hadn't eaten," he gestured toward the tray.

"It's soup. It'll help with the cold…I gave you," he admitted.

Her hands wrapped around the cup and she drank some.

"Good?" he asked.

She nodded.

"You did well," he said as he read her report.

The soup made her drowsy but she refused to give in.

The lack of sleep was taking its toll on her system.

Grissom continued to talk through the cases as she sat on the couch letting his voice lull her to sleep.

She felt the cup being lifted from her hands.

"I seem to have this effect on people," he whispered as he gently pushed her down on the couch lifting her legs and then tossing a blanket over her.

"Keep talking," she said. "I'm listening."

He did.

He talked about motive and opportunity.

He talked about the weapons used during the murders.

He glanced over and saw that she was now curled into a fetal position.

Her slow steady breaths indicated she was asleep.

He grinned.

She woke with a start when she found herself in the bed.

She knew that he must have carried her there.

She expected to be alone and was surprised when she rolled over and found him beside her.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

She glanced at the clock.

"You should have already left," she replied.

"I wanted to stay…here with you," he said.

_That's a first… _she thought as she started to get up when his hand snaked out and pulled her back into the bed.

"Stay…here," he whispered.

"We should get back to work," she said.

"Okay. Let's talk about opportunity and choice of victim," he said.

"We're not sure how he chooses…"

"He goes back to the crime scene…after the media and gawkers arrive," said Grissom.

"He doesn't return to every scene," clarified Sara.

"Let's talk about choice of victim," he said with a slight grin on his face.

She rolled over to face him.

"What have you discovered?" she asked quickly.

"Let's call our guy Sam. Sam kills victim A. He doesn't return to this crime scene or so we think he doesn't but murders another victim five hours away. He's seen in the photos from this murder. He chooses a victim from…the crowd before he leaves. He later kills that person…is not seen at the crime scene…but chooses another victim…he continues the pattern."

"Wait, are you saying he's there at every crime scene?" she asked.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Who shows up at all crime scenes?" asked Grissom.

"Police, coroner…wait the murders take place over several locations," she said.

"Stick with my first question. Who shows up at all crime scenes?" he asked again feeling quite smug.

She thought for a moment. "Media."

"Yes. He reports on the crime, choosing a victim…someone out of town…takes down the information and kills them…in their hometown. Every victim was killed in their hometown but had just returned from a trip."

Sara's eyes lit up. "He's an independent news reporter."

Grissom nodded.

"He reports on a crime, sells it to a news station. Sometimes, he comes disguised…in order not to be noticed…so he can pick out another victim."

Grissom smiled. "I think if we check with the news station in the areas we can find our independent news reporter."

Sara grinned.

It occurred to him at that moment, she would be leaving again.

He quickly rolled over, pinning her to the bed.

"Don't go," he pleaded suddenly.

She looked baffled at first.

"Sara…come back…here."

She closed her eyes.

She knew that sooner or later the conversation would lead to this.

"Let's finish the case," she exhaled slowly. "Then…we can talk."

"Sara…"

She tried to get up but his hands pinned her down.

His lips found hers and she groaned as he deepened the kiss.

He slowed his attack. "I've missed you," he whispered. "Don't leave…again."

She knew their conversation would be painful.

There was still the matter of Heather and whether he had committed adultery.

Her heart screamed no but her mind cautioned her to be wary.

There was still the strange behavior.

"We uhm have a lot to talk about…what happened…after I left…the video message…you moving out of the house…," she choked.

"Our baby," he added.

"I wanted him…so much," she whispered.

His hand gently stroked her hair. "I know," he agreed. "Just don't shut me out…don't…" he didn't finish as his lips descended on hers.

He had meant to release her but suddenly she was crying as he attempted to console her.

His hands gently stroked, soothed as he softly kissed her over and over.

He felt his own tears upon his face as he whispered how much he wanted their son.

He spoke of his feelings of despair when he could not console her after the baby's death.

He spoke of his visits to the cemetery.

He spoke about how much he missed her and wanted another chance.

"I've missed home," he whispered. "Haven't you?"

She had missed home as much as he had.

"I want my home back," he begged. "I want you..to come back."

His lips tasted salty tears as he deepened the kiss.

He wasn't sure who had made the first move but soon he was making love to her.

It was urgent and with each thrust he prayed that he could replace what they had lost.

David surfaced in his thoughts.

_He needs us, Sara…_

_Just spend some time with him…_

He climaxed inside her and held himself in place, as he gazed at her.

"Promise me…we'll talk…about…home," he begged.

She nodded.

Her phone rang and she reached for it.

"Sidle."

He frowned but said nothing.

"Thanks Nick," she said.

She closed the phone.

"Box was delivered. It must be the evidence from the last case," she said.

"I'll pick it up," he offered. "I have to check in with the office."

"I'll uhm work on that lead," she said.

"You just want to solve the case," he teased.

"You did that."

"We did it together," he said kissing the palm of her hand.

She lay there resting as he showered and then dressed.

He stepped out and found himself drawn to her.

He leaned down and kissed her bare back.

She trembled.

"Sleep…don't work," he whispered as he left.

She didn't listen as she showered and then dressed.

She stepped out and was startled by the sound of the phone. She groaned when she realized it was Grissom's.

She picked it up and saw that the call was coming from the townhouse.

She flipped open the phone before she could stop herself.

"Grissom?" came a female voice.

"I uhm sorry. Grissom left his phone here…he'll be back in a few hours," explained Sara.

"Oh…Is there another way to reach him?" asked Lisa.

Sara could hear the desperation in the woman's voice.

"Is there a problem? He told me about you…working for him. Is everything okay?"

"I have to leave…my husband was involved in an accident," explained Lisa.

"Look, I can be there in just a few minutes. I'll stay…with him until Grissom gets home," said Sara.

"I'm not sure…"

"I'm his wife," replied Sara.

"Oh. You're Sara. Of course," replied Lisa.

"I'll be right over," said Sara.

She took a deep breath as she stepped out of her car.

It felt strange knocking on a door she'd called home for several years.

Lisa quickly opened the door. "Thank you…he's asleep. I already fed him so there's not much to do."

"How is…Hank?" asked Sara still baffled that the dog would need a sitter.

"Hank is great. He's outback playing. Thank you Sara," replied Lisa as she rushed out the door.

Sara stood there dumbfounded.

_She said he was asleep…been fed…but then she says he's out back…_

Sara glanced around the room.

Her stomach lurched when she saw the baby carrier along with a baby blanket lying on a chair.

She shook her head as she stifled a sob.

There was a slight noise coming from the guest room and she found herself drawn to it.

The door flew open and she turned to face Grissom.

"What…are you doing here?" he asked.

"Lisa called…her husband…accident…I offered to stay…with Hank."

A small cry came from the next room and Grissom froze.

"Sara…"

Note from author:

I know. I can feel the imaginary tomatoes flying my way…I have such impeccable timing…much like Grissom. LOL By the way, this story has 24 chapters.

Take care!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

She stepped into the nursery and stared down at the small baby in the crib.

She shook her head over and over.

Suddenly she felt Grissom's arms around her.

"This is David," he whispered.

She practically shoved him away as she continued to stare at the baby.

"Heather's?" she asked.

"She uhm died…a few hours after giving birth," he explained.

"How long ago?" she asked.

"Almost four months ago," he replied.

The answer almost bowled her over.

"He was premature…he was in the hospital for weeks….I just recently brought him home."

"Home," she repeated.

"Yes...our home, Sara," he said gently as he stepped toward her but she backed away.

"He's…yours? You…have a son?" she asked.

She struggled to maintain her composure as she waited for his answer but none came.

He'd given his word to Heather.

He felt torn by telling Sara, his wife, the truth about David's conception but then a fierce sense of protection for David overtook him.

_He's mine…_

_I don't care if it's my blood in his veins or not…_

_I lost William and God gave me David._

"What's his name?" she asked.

"David…James…Grissom."

Her hand covered her mouth.

"Heather chose….the name…I…uhm…"

He walked toward her but her hand went up. "Stay away from me!"

"Sara…"

David began to whimper and Grissom's head quickly shot to the crib.

"Your son…needs you," seethed Sara.

"Let me explain," he said as he reached for the baby.

As soon as the baby was in Grissom's arms, she bolted toward the door.

"Sara! Don't!"

She did not stop until she was safely inside her vehicle and sped out of the driveway.

David began to cry as Grissom tried to comfort him as his own chest heaved.

He yanked out his phone and dialed Catherine.

"Hey, I missed you in the lab. I heard you guys may have cracked the case," said Catherine.

"Catherine…could you come and stay with David?" he managed to get out.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"No. I need someone to stay with David."

"I'm on my way," she said quickly.

He slumped down in the rocker and tried to comfort the baby.

"She… just… needs time," he managed between bouts of tears.

He held the baby against his chest as he continued to rock back and forth.

As soon as Catherine knocked, Grissom thrust open the door and handed her the baby.

"I'll call you," he managed to get out as he ran toward his vehicle.

Catherine stood there holding the baby.

"What happened with Daddy?" she asked the baby who whimpered.

He broke the speed limit getting to the suite.

He banged on the door and was surprised when she opened it so quickly.

He glanced around and saw that she had been working on the case.

He shut the door and tried to slow his heart rate.

"We need to talk," he said.

She sat down on the couch and marked through something written on her notepad.

"I got a list of all independent news reporters in…"

"Sara!"

She glared at him.

Anger flashed in her eyes.

"I'm finishing the case," she fumed.

"Talk to me," he begged.

"There are ten…news reporters," she said as she dropped the list on the table. "I'm on number eight."

"I wanted to come, Sara…but the lab needed me after Warrick's death."

Sara picked up her phone and dialed a number.

He snatched the phone from her hand.

"When I got the video…I…you promised me the world and then you took it away!" he yelled. "You stood there in that video and told me it was over…you were happy…without me!"

She clenched her hands into fists.

"I begged you to come…you wouldn't…you told me…you said a relationship in stasis withers…" she couldn't stop shaking. "You were right, we were stagnant…but I tried Grissom. God knows I tried to stay but I was sick of death. I was sick of having it thrown in my face. You think I didn't notice how much you were hurting? I couldn't stay and yet it broke my heart to leave you again. I thought that if we could just get away, we'd be alright…but you wouldn't leave. You'd let that damn lab suck the life right out of you. I couldn't stay and you wouldn't come…so I sent the video…letting you off the hook…no more waiting for crazy Sara to figure out her past."

"I didn't want off the hook. I never asked…for that."

"Didn't you?" She gulped through bouts of tears.

"Was it so wrong to want to be with my wife? You could have tried to stay but you just took off while I was still washing Warrick's blood off my hands! I came home and found it gone. You're my home, Sara! You just left...me...again! I didn't know how to be alone anymore. Heather offered to let me stay…until I could…so I never went back to the townhouse."

He sat down across from her. "I've never stopped loving…"

"Stop!"

"It's true. Sara…please," he begged.

She swiped at her eyes and tried to focus on her notes.

She grabbed the phone from his hand and dialed once more.

"My name is Sara Sidle, I'm an agent with…"

He leaned back, closing his eyes and waited until she finished.

"There are seven now," she announced.

She marked the name off the list.

"Heather told me…she had cancer…it was terminal. She could have gotten treatment, prolonged her survival a few more months but…she wanted to…protect David."

"Wait…you let her…skip treatment…to save David…but you…couldn't…for mine?"

"You were dying Sara! I couldn't…lose you," he yelled.

"I wanted my child!" she screamed. "I wanted him to live! You took that away!"

"Sara, you held on as long as you could. You didn't have to die…Heather was going to die no matter what."

"I guess it didn't matter if our child died. You had another on the way!"

He grabbed her forcefully at that moment.

"I didn't know Heather was pregnant then. It wouldn't have mattered. I've always loved you…wanted you…I wasn't about to give you up…"

She jerked away. "You did! I was drowning and I couldn't stay here any longer and I begged…I begged but you wouldn't come…so I…I came home and found you with her. I'll never forgive you for that!" she spat.

"You don't mean that," he whispered.

"I'm working," she said as she picked up the phone and dialed another number.

"My name is Sara Sidle. I'm an agent with…"

He listened as she followed up on another lead.

She marked through the name.

He grabbed her hand.

"Let go," she warned.

"I'll leave Vegas. I'll relocate…with you," he offered.

She glared at him.

"Stay. It suits you," she stormed.

"Sara…please. I'll do anything," he pleaded.

"No."

He grew angry.

"You sit there and act as though you have no part in this…you left Sara….not once but twice! I didn't complain when you left the first time. I offered you help but you wouldn't accept it. You said you needed to do it on your own so I waited. I waited Sara despite the fear I lived with every day that something would happen to you. I rarely knew where you were or what you were doing but I waited for my **wife**!" he gulped.

"I never said anything Sara…I never begged you to come home. God knows I wanted to! The lab was falling apart and you were somewhere…but not with me. I needed **you**, Sara."

He took a ragged breath. "You knew how much Warrick meant to me…and you came home…home Sara! You came back to me. You came back and let me think that you were coming home for me…but you didn't! You just left…again! Just left without a note…without a goodbye…just left! Oh you sent that video later…telling me to move on. What was I supposed to do Sara? I risked everything to be with you. You knew how much I loved you…still love you. You knew how much that scared me and yet I took the risk for you…but you ran. You ran without giving me the chance to help you. Why? Did you think I wouldn't try? When everyone knew about us, did it lessen the thrill, did I not matter anymore?" he yelled.

He no longer cared that his tears flowed freely.

Her sobs matched his.

She struggled to get free but he grabbed her tight into an embrace.

"Get away…from me," she cried into his shoulder.

"Don't do this. Don't throw away what we both know we can never get back."

"I mean it Grissom," she cried. "Let go."

"I love you, Sara. I think I've loved you forever," he gulped. "Don't leave me again. Don't take the only home I've ever known."

"Don't say that," she cried.

Her sobs matched his.

He clung to her as they both cried.

"Sara, please…come back with me," he begged.

He released her slowly.

She dialed another number.

"This is Sara Sidle, I'm with…"

Their eyes locked.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

She clicked the phone.

"I've got him," she said.

_Just tell her…_

_Tell her David is not yours…_

_You'll violate your promise to Heather…_

_You could risk losing David…_

_The father might find out…_

_I could lose David...._

An eerie calm settled over both of them.

He sat there and watched as she called her boss and plans were made for an arrest.

"I have to go," she said. "It's my arrest."

"Career maker," he said softly.

She grabbed her briefcase and began stuffing some things inside.

"I'd like to come," he said.

"This is not your case," she said.

"As a courtesy," he replied.

"The F.B.I. would like to thank you for assisting us…"

"Sara, this man is dangerous. Let someone else…"

"My case, my warrant," she replied.

He cursed. "I'm coming."

"You have a son…to care for…I don't."

He flinched.

She stepped past him and was out the door before he could recover.

He flipped open his phone and dialed Ecklie.

She was glad to be back in her apartment as she tried to recover from her latest encounter with Grissom. He'd called half a dozen times the first few hours but she had simply turned off the phone.

She was home again.

The notion left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She just given up the only home she'd ever known.

Nothing mattered now except removing this serial killer from the streets.

Then there would be time to reassess her life and admit she had no life.

She showered and then strapped on her handgun as she quickly hurried to the bureau.

She stepped into the office and made her way to George's office.

"Sara, good to see you," said George as he sat there behind his desk.

"Have we gotten our warrant yet?" she asked.

"We're working on it," smiled George. "I hope you got some sleep last night because it looks like the warrant will come through any minute. Good thing Dr. Grissom got here…"

"Grissom?" she asked.

George's eyes wandered to the corner of the room. She stepped fully into the office and came face to face with Grissom.

She glared at him.

"Dr. Grissom is here as a courtesy…he's going to be present during the arrest…don't worry. The glory is all yours," smiled George.

"Great," she said with a tight smile. "I'll uhm just check my mail."

She started to leave when George called her back.

"Sara, Dr. Grissom will be your responsibility," he clarified.

She glanced at Grissom. "I promise I won't get in the way," Grissom said.

She said nothing but let him follow her. She remained quiet until they were safely in her office. She closed the door as soon as he stepped inside.

"Leave," she warned.

"I just got here," he said.

"So what…leave," she fumed.

"I have permission…to be here," he said sitting down in the nearest chair.

"We might not get the warrant for another day or so," she challenged.

"I'll wait," he said.

He'd left David with Catherine.

Lisa's husband had been injured in a car accident.

Nick and Mandy had offered their services as babysitters.

He'd kissed his son and did what he should have done when she first left Vegas.

He went after Sara.

"This could be days," she threatened.

He tried not to show the worry on his face. He missed David. He wanted to be with his son but at the moment he needed Sara and he prayed she needed him as well.

There was a tap on the door. "Hey Sara, the warrant arrived."

Grissom smiled.

She snatched the warrant and reviewed the contents.

He stood quickly when she grabbed her I.D. badge and headed toward the door. He quickly stepped in front of the door.

"Promise me, you'll be careful," he said.

"Grissom, get out of the way," she breathed.

"I'm going to resign," he said. "We can look for a house…unless you have one already."

"When this case is finished, you're going back to Vegas," she said with arms folded.

"You're coming back?" he asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then I guess we're coming here," he said.

She bit down on her lower lip and tasted copper.

"I'll have my attorney draw up the divorce papers again. You can sign them while you're here," she said.

His jaw twitched.

His chest hurt.

He felt battered and bruised from the first confrontation.

He admitted far more than he'd wanted during his outburst.

He feared he'd done more damage by his admissions.

She attempted to step past him but he blocked her path once again.

"I'll never sign those papers," he vowed. "Till death."

It unnerved her.

She'd never seen him like this.

He was forceful and yet vulnerable.

He'd just offered to give up the lab to come to San Francisco but more importantly he wasn't giving her name back either.

He finally stepped aside and she hurried out.

The other agents were waiting outside the address on the warrant.

"Stay back," she warned Grissom. Sara nodded at some of the other agents. Grissom caught the motion.

"Federal agents," she called out.

No sound came within the house. The door was compromised and they made their way inside. Sara took the lead despite Grissom's plea. He tried to move closer but an agent held him back.

"Agent Sidle said for us to keep you back," warned Agent Gentry.

"Agent Sidle is my wife…that makes me eligible for the front of the line," whispered Grissom.

"Agent Sidle said she'd have my ass…I don't care if your Mother Theresa…get your ass behind me," sneered Gentry.

Grissom cursed.

His stomach knotted as he lost sight of her as she made her way through the house.

Once the all clear was given, he was permitted to join her.

"You could let the other agents do this," he seethed.

"It's my job," she said. "Yours is back in Vegas."

She heard a rustling sound and she quickly signaled the other agents to hold their position. A noise erupted from below the floor as shots sprang through the floor.

Grissom shoved Sara into the other room as the sounds of gunfire erupted.

Two officers fell to the floor as a hidden door in the floor flew open and a gunman appeared with a semi-automatic.

Sara shot several times as the gunman fell backwards from the bullet wounds.

His body joined the other officers.

"Call an ambulance!" Sara yelled as she quickly pushed the gun away from the gunman.

She checked for a pulse but found none.

She then checked the other officers who lay wounded but alive.

She turned and was surprised when Grissom was nowhere to be seen.

She quickly made her way to the hallway where he had pushed her clear of the gunfire.

She glanced down and found him leaning against the wall.

"What the hell do you think you were…"

She stopped when she saw his hand covered with blood.

Note from author:

Yeah, I know another twist. Leave a review...no tomatoes this time...LOL

Take care.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

Her reactions seemed in slow motion as she assessed his condition.

She searched frantically in the kitchen and found several hand towels.

She returned, stuffing one against the bullet wound and placed his hand on the entry wound.

Gently she pulled him forward and placed the other towel on the exit wound and applied pressure herself.

"Stay with me," she whispered.

"I was…I came this time…I followed," he said as he felt himself losing consciousness.

"Grissom, stay with me!" she yelled.

She glanced around helplessly. "Where's that ambulance?"

He coughed as he tried to breathe. "Chest hurts."

"Your lung has probably collapsed," she warned.

His head teetered forward.

"Gil, stay with me," she urged. "I need you…to stay with me."

"Why?" he asked. "You don't…love…me…anymore."

"Shut up," she cried. "I've always loved you."

"Past tense," he coughed.

"I love you…don't leave me," she pleaded.

"He's just a baby, Sara. A small premature infant…who needs to be loved," he pleaded. "Promise me you'll take care of him."

She shook her head. "You're not leaving me! Not like this…you hear me Grissom! Don't do this!"

"Promise me…you'll love him," he whispered.

"No."

He struggled to breathe.

His hand began to slip from the wound.

Her hand covered his as she applied pressure to the wound as blood seeped through the towel.

She watched in horror as his blood oozed through her fingers. It was warm and sticky.

She stared intently into his blue eyes, pleading for him to hang on.

"Sara…"

"Stop talking. Just sit here…please Gil. Please don't leave me," she cried. "I'll come home…back to Vegas."

"You promise?"

"I promise," she wept.

He drifted in and out as he heard the sirens and then felt his body being moved. Her hand remained in his.

He woke several hours later and found himself in a hospital room.

His eyes roamed the room and found Sara asleep in the chair next to the bed. His hand fumbled toward the cup on the tray next to the bed but he could not reach it. He groaned from the exertion. Sara's head quickly popped up.

"Gil?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted a drink."

She quickly poured a glass of water, and brought it to his lips.

It felt good going down. He managed a cup and then part of another.

"How uhm long…"

"You've been unconscious for about nine hours," she said. Sara pushed the call button. A nurse appeared.

"Mr. Grissom, it's good to see you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Good. When can I leave?" he asked.

The nurse glanced at Sara. "I'll have the doctor talk with you."

Sara waited until the nurse disappeared.

"I spoke with the doctor. He wants to keep you for at least four days."

"No."

"You don't have a choice," she warned.

"Yes, I do. I'm leaving," he said.

"No, you're not," she threatened.

He tried to sit up and winced from the pain.

She assisted him, stuffing a pillow behind his head.

"Your lung collapsed...your heart rate has been sporadic…your blood pressure through the roof."

"I'm going to be fine," he assured her as he reached for her hand and was relieved when she did not pull away.

Doctor Brooks stepped into the room.

"Mr. Grissom, it's good to see you're finally awake," smiled Dr. Brooks. "How do you feel?"

"Good. When can I leave?" asked Grissom.

"Not for several days," cautioned Dr. Brooks.

"I need to get back…to Vegas," said Grissom. "I can have my private physician…"

"Mr. Grissom, I'm concerned about your blood pressure as well as your…heart."

_Me too…_

_I don't know what I'm going to do if Sara leaves me…again…_

"I'm sure getting shot may have shocked my system but in a few days…"

"Which is exactly why we want you to stay here…let us run some tests, make sure…"

"My physician can monitor my condition…without staying here in San Francisco," he reasoned.

Dr. Brooks glanced at Sara.

"He's not leaving," announced Sara.

"Yes…I am," Grissom countered. "I'm needed at home."

"Catherine has it covered," she spat.

Grissom squeezed her hand. "Let's go home."

Sara shook her head.

Grissom groaned.

"Mr. Grissom, it is in my professional opinion that you should stay here no less than four days."

"Another…twenty four hours," said Grissom.

Dr. Brooks shook his head.

"Two days….then I'm leaving with or without your…permission," said Grissom.

"Then you would be discharged without my approval," said Dr. Brooks. "Mr. Grissom, you are not going to be able to work for several weeks. You'll need bed rest…for at least a week."

"I'll get it…at home," urged Grissom. "My physician can…visit me at home."

Dr. Brooks glanced at Sara.

"Is this true…about his physician?" he asked Sara.

Sara glanced at Grissom. "His physician works at the morgue…but yes, Doc would do home visits…and probably kick his ass for not staying in the hospital."

Grissom frowned as Dr. Brooks snickered.

"Two days…then we'll see how you're doing…run some tests," said Dr. Brooks.

Grissom nodded.

The doctor left.

Sara immediately snatched her hand from Grissom.

"You need to stay!"

"Sara…"

"You lost a lot of blood…you could barely breathe…your blood pressure shot up to stroke level and…"

He quickly grabbed her hand. "I didn't die…I kept my promise."

Their eyes locked.

She wanted to pull away but he wouldn't let go and she did not want him to overtax himself.

"You promised…you'd come…home," he said.

"I'm not sure…I can," she sniffled. "I…can't do…this…Grissom."

He began to panic.

"Sara…please…just come back…stay for awhile…if you…want to come back here…you can," he gasped.

She watched as his pulse raced and he struggled to breathe.

She nodded quickly. "I'll…come...back for a visit."

He fell back on the pillows.

Her hand caressed his cheek. "Just sleep," she whispered.

He nodded as he drifted off again.

He slept for most of that day, waking little except to search the room for Sara. She kept her vigil by his side. Once or twice he could hear her soft voice on the phone.

_She just needs to get to know David…_

_She'll change her mind when she holds him…_

_She won't leave us…_

On the second day he was better.

He walked about the room and showered by himself.

Tests were run and Sara was in constant discussion with the physician and nurses.

She was taking charge again of his life.

"Do you have our flight arrangements?" he asked.

"Gil, stay another day," she begged.

"Sara, I'm better. I still get tired but I'm going to be fine," he urged.

"You still have shortness of breath…Your system…took quite a shock…please."

"I need…to be home," he said.

"David is fine," she whispered.

It was the first time she had mentioned his name since the shooting.

They both knew he was pushing to return to Vegas because of his son.

"He needs…us," Grissom whispered.

Her eyes drifted to the floor.

He didn't push.

The next day he dressed not wanting the fatigue and pain to show in his face.

He'd slept little that night waking every few hours.

Sara had left to pack and he worried she had changed her mind, and was actually making arrangements for him to return alone.

He'd felt a well of emotions erupt the moment she stepped into the room with news of their flight arrangements.

He didn't believe her until he overheard the same information given to Nick who was going to meet them at the airport.

He closed his eyes and had fallen off to sleep immediately.

He listened to the instructions while his mind contemplated how he would reintroduce David and Sara to one another.

He boarded the plane, swiping his forehead.

He grimaced when he was bumped in the side.

Sara insisted that he sit near the window to avoid any further mishaps.

He was grateful as he sat there pulling his jacket over the wounded area, for he was certain it was bleeding.

"How are you?" whispered Sara.

"I'm good," he replied.

"You're sweating," she said. "It's not hot. Let me…"

He refused to let her run her hand across his forehead. He knew she would yank him off the plane and drive him back to the hospital.

"I'm just going to lean back and sleep," he said.

It seemed like minutes and then Sara was nudging him awake.

Nick stood there waiting for them at the gate.

He hugged Sara and then without a word, he had a stewardess shove Grissom into a wheelchair.

He didn't object.

He wasn't sure if he could have walked out on his own.

He refused to look at Sara as she watched his every movement.

They stepped into the townhouse and Grissom's hand grabbed Sara's.

She refused to go past the couch.

He wouldn't give up.

"Sara, please," he begged.

His hand rested on his side and she cursed.

"You're bleeding!" she yelled.

"Only because that guy bumped into me," he said.

He looked pale and exhausted.

"Get off your feet before you fall down," ordered Doc.

Grissom turned to see the older man step out of the nursery.

"This tyke has had everyone on the ball," Doc explained. "I thought they were crazy when they said you were coming home in less than seventy two hours of being shot."

Sara flashed a smug glance at Grissom but he ignored it.

"How is he?" asked Grissom.

"He's been fussy…unnerved everyone…I think he missed you," explained Doc.

Grissom sighed as he leaned against the couch for support.

"Gil?"asked Doc.

"Hmmm?"

"Get your ass to bed," he ordered.

Nick's arm supported Grissom as he led him to the bedroom.

Sara followed, trying not to glance into the nursery.

He leaned back on the bed.

"I guess I should take a look at that wound," grumbled Doc. "I didn't know I'm your private physician."

Sara stepped out into the living room to talk with Nick and Mandy.

"Doc…I know I should have stayed but I needed to get back…to David," he whispered.

"You think we were going to let anything happen to him?" huffed Doc. "This looks bad. It looks infected…but you knew that didn't you…you've probably been lying to Sara…about your condition."

Grissom nodded.

"Stupid dumbass," Doc declared. "I'm going to put you on a regimen of antibiotics. No getting up. You can go to the bathroom and back. Understand?"

Grissom glanced at the nursery.

"You can hold him…sitting down…you wouldn't want to drop him when you pass out and you're going to if you don't get this fever and infection out of your system."

"Thanks, Doc."

Sara appeared in the doorway. Grissom held out his hand and she stepped into the room.

"Doc says I'm fine," he lied.

"Right," she muttered. "You have a fever…an infection no doubt."

He frowned but said nothing.

Catherine appeared in the doorway with David.

"I think someone missed his father," said Catherine. She brought the baby into the room and placed him in Grissom's arms.

Sara recoiled immediately.

Catherine pretended not to notice.

Grissom watched as Sara slipped out of the room.

"This must be really hard for her," whispered Catherine.

"She just needs to spend some time…with him," replied Grissom.

"Lisa's husband is scheduled for surgery…tomorrow," said Catherine. "She won't be able to come…"

"We'll handle it," said Grissom.

"Gil, I'm not so sure Sara is up to this," whispered Catherine.

"We'll uhm be fine," he replied.

The others slowly left. David had fallen asleep and was back in his crib.

Sara sat on the edge of the bed with Hank's head in her lap.

"He missed you," said Grissom. "He moped around for months until…" he stopped not wanting to finish.

"He uhm must have liked Heather," she stated.

"Yes, he did."

She seemed apprehensive about being in the bedroom.

"When you uhm left…I couldn't stay here anymore…so I stayed with Heather…I never came back until…I brought David here."

He hoped it would help but she only seemed more apprehensive.

"Where is Lisa?" she blurted.

"She's uhm not coming…her husband is having surgery tomorrow."

He felt her shudder.

"Sara…"

"You're not supposed to be up…Doc said…"

"I can care…for him," he said. "I'll show you…how to make the formula…change him."

She quickly shook her head. "Wait, I said I would come for a visit…stay awhile…but…"

She was suddenly off the bed. Her instincts told her to run but her feet remained fixed on the floor.

Grissom tried to sit up.

"It's going to be okay," he assured her. "I'll call about getting another nanny…it may be a day or so but…"

He waited for her to bolt as he struggled to get up.

It was his gasp that made her react. She gently pushed him back into the bed.

"Don't get up," she urged.

He took the opportunity to snatch her hand into his and held on tight.

"I love you, Sara," he pleaded.

She nodded.

"Sara?"

"I'm going to take Hank for a walk," she said trying not to implode before his very eyes.

"Just put him in the back yard," he said not wishing to lose sight of her.

"I'll go out there with him…just for awhile," she said.

"Sara?"

She quickly made her way out of the room with Hank by her side.

She opened the door and he ran out.

Grissom strained to see her but soon she was out of sight. She sat down on the deck and crumbled.

_I can't do this…_

_I can't hold him when my son died…_

_It's not fair…_

_It's not fair…_

Hank whined at her feet as she sobbed.

His wet nose nuzzled her, forcing his head into her lap.

She clung to the dog as she cried.

A cry startled her.

It was the baby.

Note from author:

Thanks for the wonderful reviews. Continue to leave one and yes, I will continue to post twice a day until the story comes to an end. Again, there are 24 chapters. I am receiving a large volume of private messages so I may not be able to reply to everyone.

Take care!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

She swiped her eyes as the baby continued to cry.

_I can't do this…_

_If I don't, he'll try to get up…_

She opened the door and stepped back inside.

Grissom was already standing in front of the crib.

He pretended not to notice she had been crying.

"I uhm can't pick him up," he whispered.

David lay there staring at them.

"He's uhm not crying now," she said not wanting to touch the baby.

"He sees us," whispered Grissom as he leaned against the crib.

"Grissom, sit down," she pleaded.

Grissom slid into the rocker.

David whimpered.

_Don't cry…don't cry…I don't want to hold you…_

David stared at Sara.

She chose to look at the wallpaper refusing to make eye contact with the baby.

He whimpered once more.

"Sara, he wants…"

"I know what he wants," she snapped.

"I'll get him," Grissom offered as he struggled to get up.

"Sit!" she yelled.

David began to cry.

Grissom continued to get up. Sara quickly lifted the baby. He wiggled and she adjusted him in her arms so that he snatched her hair with his small hand.

She held her breath.

She brought him to Grissom who took him immediately.

She tried to walk away but Grissom grabbed her hand and forced her to stay.

"Sara…I need to know you're okay…with this," he said. "Don't leave…stay here with me," he begged.

She tugged gently at her hand but he refused to release it.

It was his gasp for air that brought her head up.

"Grissom?" she whispered as her hand flew to his wrist.

He coughed again and again.

She feared he would drop David as she tried to get him to calm down.

She grabbed David from his arms and held him as she hurried to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water.

He drank it and leaned back in the rocker.

"You need to lie down," she urged. She held David while helping Grissom to his feet. Once settled in bed, she sat there on the side of the bed with David in her arms.

"Better?" she asked fearfully.

He nodded. He reached out and wiped her tear streaked face.

David had managed to grasp her hair once more with his small fingers.

"I think he likes your hair," Grissom gasped.

She did not respond but continued to hold David without making eye contact with the small baby.

"I can hold him," offered Grissom.

His fingers caressed her hand as he brought it to his lips. She pretended not to notice the mist in his eyes or the fact that she'd never seen him so fearful of anything in his life.

"I don't want you to hurt anymore," he managed to get out.

"Is there a schedule?" she asked not even recognizing her own voice.

"On the fridge," he said quietly. "Maybe you should call…"

She disappeared with the baby.

She returned a few minutes later with a warm bottle.

He reached out to take the baby but she continued to hold him while he drank the bottle.

"He likes to be rocked," said Grissom.

She did not respond.

He finished the bottle and she placed the baby on her shoulder and began patting his back.

He burped loudly.

Grissom watched in fascination as she rubbed the baby's back until another small burp erupted.

She then disappeared for a few minutes.

He listened as she changed the baby and then returned with him.

"I can hold him," he offered.

"You should sleep," she said.

"You're…uhm good with him," he whispered.

"Get some sleep," she pressed as she returned to the nursery with David.

She rocked the baby until he fell asleep and then she gently placed him back into his crib.

She slumped back into the rocker and sat there, not moving.

Hours went by and yet she sat there.

David whimpered and the process began again.

She stopped off by the door of the bedroom and saw that Grissom was asleep.

Doc had warned Sara the medication would put him to sleep for several hours.

Once the baby was asleep again, she returned to the rocking chair.

Grissom woke the next evening.

He rose quickly causing him to wince from the pain.

He glanced around the room and noticed the other side was untouched.

He threw the covers back and slowly made his way to the nursery.

She sat there in the rocker holding David.

He leaned against the doorway. "How long has he been up?" he asked.

"A few hours," she replied.

Grissom slowly made his way to the rocker.

His hand gently touched her cheek. "Have you slept any?"

By her expression, he knew she hadn't.

"I can take him," he offered.

"Doc…said…you could hold him while sitting," she said.

She stood offering him the rocker.

He sat down and she placed the baby in his arms.

"Sara…"

"I'll get breakfast," she said.

"Stop!" he blurted out in frustration. "Go take a shower…go to bed."

"I'll have breakfast ready in a few minutes…don't get up," she ordered.

He was thankful when David went to sleep but by then she arrived with a tray. She took the baby and placed him back in the crib.

She waited until Grissom was in bed and then placed the tray in his lap.

She then grabbed some things and before he could comment, the bathroom door shut.

Sara flipped on the water and sat there on the edge of the tub as she rocked back and forth.

She'd lost track of time and was startled when his voice rang out.

She stepped into the cold water and showered quickly.

He said nothing as she stepped out in a pair of sweats.

"Could we talk?" he asked.

She removed the tray and took it to the kitchen but returned with his medication.

He took it and then grabbed her hand.

Hank whined.

"Hank needs to go out," she whispered.

"What do you need?" he asked. "Sara, I'm worried about you."

"Just rest," she said. "In a couple of days the infection will be better."

He cursed inwardly. He didn't know if Doc had told her or if she had guessed it. She stepped out into the back yard with Hank. It was a bit cool as she sat there with wet hair and no jacket. Hank did not seem to mind the cool air as he frolicked about. An hour passed and yet she remained outside. She was grateful for the solitude but it soon ended as David's cries began.

She ushered the dog inside.

She walked into the nursery and lifted David from his crib. He'd managed to soak his diaper along with everything in the crib. She stripped the bed and put fresh linens on and then stripped the baby. She found an infant bathtub and gave him a bath, changing him into fresh pajamas before settling back down into the rocker with a fresh bottle.

His hand came up and swatted at hers.

She pulled him up close to her chest and rocked him for over an hour.

She then placed the sleeping baby in the crib and began doing the laundry. She'd managed to finish several loads before Grissom woke once again with the same plea to talk.

She responded with dinner.

She prepared soup and sandwiches, placing it on the tray along with his medication.

"Lay down with me," he begged.

"David will be up soon," she replied.

"Sara…let me hold you," he said as he reached for her but she stood taking the tray back into the kitchen.

She prepared David's bottle and stepped into the nursery. Grissom was already there.

"I'll do this," he said as he reached for the bottle.

David stirred and she glanced at the crib. It gave him the opportunity to pull her towards him.

"Go lie down," he whispered.

She walked past him and picked up the baby. He sat down in the rocker and extended his arms. She handed David to Grissom and then disappeared. He became unnerved when he heard the front door open and then shut.

An hour passed and she returned with Hank. She unhooked the leash and then fed the dog.

Grissom still sat there with David just as she left them. She took the sleeping baby from his arms and placed him back in the crib.

"Come with me," he said as he took her hand.

She waited until he was settled in bed before grabbing her night clothes.

"I uhm going to take a bath," she said.

She disappeared into the bathroom, filling the bathtub with hot water and then sinking deep down into the water, letting it cover her head. The banging on the door forced her to come up.

"Sara?"

"I'll be out in a minute," she called.

The door opened and Grissom stepped inside.

She grabbed the towel, stepping out of the bath water.

"We're going to talk…now," he said.

He stepped out of the bathroom and she soon emerged. Her robe was wrapped securely around her.

"Sara, I know what you're feeling...I do."

"No, you don't!" she spat. "My son is dead…yours is alive in the next room."

"Our son, William, is dead….I wanted our son too, Sara! I feel the same pain…but now we have David."

"You have David…not me."

"He needs a mother…he needs both of us," he whispered.

"I know I should be bigger than this…but I'm not. My son died…David is not **my** son…he can never replace my **son**."

"William was our son…not just yours. I'm not trying to replace him, honey. Sara, look at David…he needs love…your love…you have so much…more than me."

She shook her head. "I'm uhm trying…but…I don't think…"

They were interrupted by wails.

"I'll get him," whispered Grissom.

She huffed as she made her way to the nursery.

Grissom attempted to lift the baby but Sara quickly interceded.

She held David as he slowed his wails.

"Try rocking him," he said.

She shook her head, "You take him."

Grissom sat down in the rocker and she immediately thrust the baby into his arms. She attempted to flee the room but he grabbed her hand forcing her to remain.

He wasn't prepared for her to slump down into the floor in complete desolation. He held the baby in one arm as his other stroked her head that lay in his lap as she sobbed.

"I wish I could take the pain away," he said. "The first time I held him, I cried…for William. I wanted our son, Sara. I didn't think I was going to get through the pain…David helped me."

It didn't help as she continued to sob. She felt a small hand grab a fist full of hair. She could smell the baby powder. She tried to remember what William smelled like but couldn't. She continued to sob. Grissom's trembling hand continued to try to soothe her.

He gulped as his chest heaved. He cried with her as he continued to try to comfort her and David.

The baby's whimpers turned into full blown wails. He kicked his legs and arms as his face turned a beet red. His small limbs expanded and then contracted as if he were in pain. Sara's head bobbed up. She grabbed the baby before Grissom could react.

She held the baby in the crook of her arm as her other hand massaged his tummy. He quieted immediately as she continued her ministrations. David stared at her intently as she rocked him back and forth in her arms.

Her saddened eyes looked at Grissom and then ever so slowly she looked directly at the baby in her arms.

David's dark eyes stared into hers. His hair was a mass of dark curls. His tiny fingers grabbed hers and attempted to bring it to his mouth. Her fingers gently traced the outline of his mouth and then swirled around his cheeks. Small bubbles erupted from his mouth and she gently swiped them away with her fingers.

_He's so beautiful…_

_I can't even remember what ours looked like…_

She clung to the baby as she cried, continuing to rock back and forth while she sat there in the floor. She remained that way for several minutes before she noticed he had fallen asleep once again. She placed him in the crib.

"He's beautiful," she whispered.

Grissom wrapped his arms around her. "I love you, Sara."

"Don't," she said pulling away.

"Sara…"

"I uhm need some air."

"Sara, stop!"

She halted at the door. Grissom pulled her back. "Come…to bed."

She lay on the edge of the bed as he gently maneuvered himself until he was lying beside her.

"Thank you…for helping him," Grissom whispered.

She was physically and emotionally exhausted, and yet she could not seem to rest.

More tears erupted and she swiped at them angrily.

"You never mourned," he whispered.

He pressed his body closer.

"I was so scared when you sent the divorce papers. I thought I had lost you," he replied.

"You did. I was setting you free…to be with her," she sniffled angrily.

"I wanted you…not her. I married you…loved you…God, Sara, you're the only person I've ever loved...will ever love."

"I feel like I'm drowning under that damn red Mustang…I wish I had," she cried. "I uhm don't want to feel this anymore."

His arms enclosed around her. "I'm here."

His hands stroked her hair as his lips lovingly kissed her again and again.

Slowly, the hiccups stopped and her breathing slowed.

He glanced down and saw that finally she'd fallen asleep.

_I'm so sorry, Sara…_

_I know this is so hard for you…_

_But maybe you can heal now…_

Note from author:

We're getting down to the last 10 chapters soon....

Take care!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

She slept for only a few hours before there was a tap at the door.

Grissom tried to ease his way from the bed but she woke with a start.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to let you sleep," he whispered as he slowly rose from the bed.

She scrambled out of the bed and hurried to the door.

Catherine took one look at her and cringed. "I'm sorry…you look awful! I just thought I would…"

"Grissom is awake," she said as she grabbed the leash and hurried out the door with Hank.

Catherine turned to see Grissom standing near the nursery.

"I'm sorry," said Catherine.

"Now that you're here…mind giving me a hand with something?" he asked.

Grissom sat in the kitchen chair as Catherine changed the bandage.

"Grissom, this looks bad," she muttered.

"It's better," he said as he lowered his shirt just as Sara stepped back into the house. Hank hurried into the kitchen and began eating from his bowl. Sara's eyes took note of the discarded bandages.

"Good to see Hank has his appetite back," smiled Catherine. "How's David?"

"He's good…Sara's been doing a great job caring for him," replied Grissom.

Catherine glanced at Sara.

"I have a few hours," offered Catherine to Sara.

"No need," said Sara as she glanced at the clock and began making a bottle with a bit of cereal.

The young brunette felt a bit self conscious knowing that Catherine, an experienced mother, would be observing her every move.

Catherine watched.

Sara tried to ignore the woman's stares as she moved about the kitchen. They had never been the best of friends but Sara had felt their relationship had grown over the years. That came to a screeching halt upon Sara's departure. While Catherine had understood the first time she left, she condemned Sara when she did not stay to support Grissom after the death of Warrick.

"You seem to know quite a bit about babies," said Catherine.

"I took a class…at the hospital…so I would be ready when…" she did not finish but grabbed the bottle and headed toward the nursery.

"I didn't mean…"

They were quiet for awhile.

"Sara's having a hard time," whispered Grissom.

"With the loss of William or…David? Gil, she left…more than once…it's not like you sought out Heather until she left you…she can't blame you…if anyone is to blame then…"

Catherine stopped the moment she saw Sara standing outside the nursery.

"Shit," muttered Catherine.

Sara walked into the kitchen with the bottle.

"Something wrong?" asked Grissom taking in the hurt in Sara's eyes as she poured out the bottle and made a new one.

"Cereal…too thick."

She walked past both of them and returned to the nursery shutting the door this time.

"I didn't mean to hurt her," whispered Catherine.

"You did…don't ever do that again. If anyone is to blame here…it's me…not Sara."

Grissom quickly made his way to the nursery.

He watched as David finished the bottle. Sara placed him over her shoulder, patting gently until he released the loud burp. He gurgled and swiped at her hair trying to put it into his mouth.

Grissom turned when the phone rang. He stepped out of the room, grabbing it just in time to turn back and watch Sara's interaction with David.

Sara gently opened his hand, making him release the hair but then without thought kissed him in the palm of his hand. His hands flailed at her face. She grabbed his hand and once again placed a kiss on the palm. They continued this for several minutes as Grissom stuttered through the call.

He hung up and returned to the nursery.

"Nick and Mandy can give us a break," said Grissom.

"You're not supposed to be on your feet," she reminded him.

He nodded sadly. "I could call them back and have them…"

She quickly shook her head.

"I've been doing some thinking," he said coming to stand closer to the rocker. "Maybe we could go somewhere…just the three of us."

"I have to…go back…in a few weeks," she managed to get out.

He felt as though he were going to have a panic attack.

"You've not given this enough time," he growled. "It's only been…"

"I'll need to give them…notice…move my things…back."

His knees hit the hardwood floor as he tried to pull her into his arms but she kept her distance.

Her behavior seemed odd.

"Sara…we can make this work," he whispered.

She nodded sadly.

He felt a bit uneasy.

"You don't seem…happy," he said.

"I'm not," she choked. "I feel broken…inside."

He gripped the rocker.

"Sara, it takes time to get over the loss of a child…when you're ready…we can try again."

She shook her head. "No."

"Why uhm not?" he asked sounding hurt.

"Because…I lost a part of myself…that's never going to heal," she said mournfully.

"But…"

"My uhm fault."

"No, Sara! None of this is…your fault. You didn't ask to be hit by…"

Sara stood carrying the baby over to the changing table.

He waited until she was finished.

"Listen to me," he began.

"I uhm should have tried harder…to stay. I left," she said. "I left my… home."

He remembered his words that day in the suite when he'd been desperate to get her to understand. He knew Sara better than anyone.

_I didn't want you to blame yourself..._

_It was no one's fault..._

_or was it?_

"Stop this! Stop this right now!" he yelled as his hands gripped her arms.

David whimpered and he suddenly staggered backwards.

"I didn't…"

_Tell her…_

_Tell her you never slept with Heather…_

_She needs to know she can trust me…_

_She's never trusted anyone else…_

_God, she may never trust me again…_

"Sara, I need to tell you…"

_David is mine…_

_Heather gave him to me…when I needed him most…_

_I never would have survived without him…_

Sara slipped past Grissom.

He stared down at the sleeping baby.

_I have to tell her…_

He marched out of the room, ready to confront her when he noticed she had returned to bed.

He gently lay down beside her.

"Just rest, Sara," he soothed as his hand gently stroked her hair.

_She kissed David's hand the way I kiss hers…_

He pulled her hand to his lips.

_She agreed to stay…_

_Be a family to David…_

He was too tired to think.

He molded his body next to hers and slept.

He woke as soon as he heard the voices.

He knew it was Brass and Sara in the next room.

Grissom rolled over and glanced at the clock.

Brass stood there staring at the baby.

"How are you?" asked Brass.

"Good," she lied.

"Bull shit," he muttered. "I know this…hurts. I've been there…believe me."

Sara stepped into the kitchen and poured each a cup of coffee.

"You're talking about Ellie," said Sara.

"Her mother…never told me…I had to find out on my own…including Ellie."

Sara glanced at David as she held him. "Not a problem…I have no intention of letting him think I'm his mother."

Grissom's chest tightened as he listened to the conversation.

"You already are," said Brass.

"No…I'm not."

"Despite the pain etched on your face, you love that baby. It's part of Grissom. You'll care for him and love him and soothe him when he hurts…you'll do all of those things…stand there and tell me you're not his mother."

Sara slumped down into a chair.

"I know it hurts kiddo…you can't keep your heart from loving someone. I know that…too." Brass reached out and touched the baby's cheek.

"I wish I could," she whispered. "I don't remember when I didn't love Grissom. Loving him came as natural as breathing. I just couldn't convince him…to love me…to want me…to need me…" She xhaled as if she were fighting for air, "but then I did and I let my past take all of that away. I gave in to my old fears…I left because I was certain that if I didn't there wouldn't be anything left of me. The job was…killing me inch by inch. I didn't know how to explain that."

She wiped her eyes. "I wish I wasn't able to love."

Grissom shut his eyes from the pain.

"Not possible. Sara, you have the biggest heart I know. It'll be hard but you'll get through this."

Sara stared at the baby. "I didn't want him…at first," she sniffled. "I didn't even want to look at him…but now I can't seem to stop and I'm stuck…I can't leave and I can't stay but I feel like …"

Brass watched her intently when she didn't finish.

"It hurts so much at times…I wish I'd died," she whispered.

He clutched her hand. "You didn't…which makes it hurt even more. You lived and your baby died. Sara, I know it's hard but...don't run."

She nodded as she swiped at her eyes.

"I ran to a bottle for years…recently returned."

Her eyes shot to his.

There was a time when she'd done the same thing and it was Brass who forced her hand. He'd noticed the constant use of cough drops to cover the smell of alcohol on her breath. He'd also noticed the sadness and the melancholy. He'd noticed so much that Grissom had overlooked. Brass had done the fatherly thing and chewed her out, pointing out the fallacy of her diversion and had then made a point to check on her.

Brass knew Sara almost as well as Grissom.

"It's been a hell of a year," sighed Brass.

David gurgled.

She clutched him to her.

She was resistant when Brass took the baby from her arms.

He stared at the baby. "He looks like…her."

Sara reached for David. "I don't care…give him back."

He refused to relinquish the baby when she reached for David.

"I've held a few babies in my time," he grumbled. Brass held the baby close. He chuckled when a small hand reached for his nose.

He kissed the baby on the cheek as he sniffled. "All babies deserve to be loved…they're innocent."

"I…know," she whispered.

"You've got to forgive him," advised Brass. "It's the only way your marriage will survive."

"I…have."

He eyed her. "I should have known. You've never blamed Grissom for anything…stop blaming yourself, Sara. He made the choices…not you."

"My fault," she cried. "I left."

"When you left…I didn't blame you. I blamed all of us because we were too damned caught up in our own lives to see that you needed help so you had to leave in order to save yourself. There's no shame in that, Sara."

"What good did it do me? I'm right back here," she said.

"Is that so bad?" he asked.

"Yes…it is," she said as she took the baby from Brass.

"You don't believe that," he said. "Sara, this guilt…over the loss of William and now this…it's just taken a toll on you…in a few months, you'll…"

"Be back at the lab…doing what I do best…processing the dead…I can never get away from death."

Brass caught her by the arm. "I'm worried about you."

"He should have been down an hour ago. I'll go and rock him."

Grissom threw the covers back and tried to stand but the dizziness caused him to stagger into the dresser knocking over the lamp.

Brass was already at the door by the time Sara had placed David in the crib.

Grissom felt strong arms pulling him over to the bed.

"Gil?" Sara yelled as she ran into the room.

"Just dizzy," he muttered.

Sara quickly sat down beside him, her fingers wrapped around his wrist.

"Call Doc," she breathed.

Brass pulled out his phone.

"I got up too quick," he said once again.

"Stay put!" yelled Brass.

"Look…"

Grissom suddenly stopped when he caught sight of the fear in Sara's eyes.

"I won't get up," he said.

In less than an hour, Doc showed.

He looked at Sara and then Grissom.

"How come I can't tell who the patient in this house is?" he asked.

"He got dizzy," she explained quickly.

Doc sat down on the bed. "Let's check the blood pressure."

Grissom sat there quietly as he watched Sara out of the corner of his eye. She folded her arms about herself as she turned her back from them.

"Gil, your blood pressure…is through the roof," he said. "Been following orders?"

"Yes," he answered.

"No," huffed Sara. "He gets up…walks through the house…He's not listening…he should have stayed in that damn hospital."

They watched as she stormed out of the bedroom, grabbed the leash and yelled for Hank who was already by her side.

They cringed when they heard the slamming of the door. "How is she holding up?"

Grissom shook his head.

"What did you expect?" growled Brass, "She's still trying to get over…"

"I didn't ask for your advice!" yelled Grissom. "She just needs…"

Brass interrupted with a huff. "Like you know what she needs? Did you pay any attention to her after that wacky Natalie…"

Grissom came up off the bed. "I never left the hospital when…"

"Trying to go for a record with the blood pressure?" yelled Doc.

"That's all she needs…an infant, a husband who's too stubborn…" Brass stopped when Grissom glared at him. It was followed by a glare from Doc.

"I didn't recall asking you over," yelled Grissom.

"I didn't come for you…I came for…"

"Stop it!" she yelled.

All eyes turned to find Sara standing in the doorway.

"I heard both of you all the way…"

She closed her eyes the moment she heard David.

She disappeared without another word into the nursery, shutting the door behind her.

Sara lifted the baby into her arms and held him tight.

Her lips pressed against his cheeks as he snuggled into her neck.

"I'm sorry, we woke you," she whispered. "It's not you…it's not you," she cried.

Note from author:

I so love Sara as a mother...it's a shame we never saw that on the show...but you never know....

Take care!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

Sara grabbed a baby blanket and covered him as she sunk down into the rocker.

She breathed in deeply of his scent and felt her heart breaking.

_How could I ever blame you…_

_I know what it feels like to be blamed just because you exist…_

_I'm so sorry David…_

_Please forgive me…_

The rest of the house grew quiet as she continued to rock the baby.

An hour passed and the door to the nursery slowly opened.

Doc stepped inside.

"I thought I would get another peak at him," he whispered.

Doc smiled at the sleeping baby.

"He's asleep," he reported. "You should try to get some rest yourself."

She continued to rock the baby.

"How…is...Grissom?" she asked.

"I've given him something for his blood pressure. It's too high. The infection in the wound has improved."

She nodded slowly.

"Sara…how are you?" he asked.

"He won't listen…to me…always hovering…like I'm going to make…some mistake…hurt…David."

"He trusts you with David….but he's worried about you. He knows how hard this is for you. It was for him. It was like déjà vu all over for him…the baby was critical for days. David wasn't released for months and then there was the risk of compromising his weakened immune system."

Doc caressed the baby's cheek. "I came over here every day…to check on this little fella…at the insistence of Grissom. Every day I would watch him rock David while he wept. Grissom wanted William. I don't think he ever thought about having a family until you. He began asking asked me about married life and children. That was not the Gil Grissom I'd known years ago. This Grissom was more attentive…actually noticed and responded to feelings. He wasn't the scientist anymore. It was because of you, Sara. You became his family, Sara."

Doc sighed. "He grieved Sara…for William. I worried about him. Grissom was barely hanging on after Warrick's death and then…your accident happened. Sara, you have to let yourself grief for your child. I know these last few days have been very difficult for you…they've been hard on Grissom also. He's afraid he's going to lose you again."

"I'm not going anywhere," she muttered. "He knows that. His plan worked…brought me here…to David…not going anywhere," she whispered.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She stood, placing the baby in the crib.

"Just tired," she said.

Doc eyed her closely. "How've you been sleeping?"

"I'm not your patient, Doc."

"You will be if you don't take care of yourself."

She headed out of the room when he stopped her.

"Sara, if you need anything…call me."

"Thanks, Doc."

Sara walked Doc to the door. Just as she was about to close the door, Mandy and Nick appeared.

"Hey Sar," smiled Nick.

Sara glanced at the two.

"Grissom called…wanted us to watch David for awhile," he explained.

Sara hid her anger and hurt.

"He's asleep," she said.

They were surprised when she disappeared into the master bedroom.

Grissom was sitting there with a book in hand.

"I thought I heard voices," he said softly.

"Mandy and Nick…are here."

"I called Nick. I thought…"

"I don't need their help," she fumed. "I was fine. I was taking care of him. You went over my head and…"

"Sara, I didn't mean…"

"Fine. They're here," she huffed as she grabbed her jacket.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Not a problem. Nick and Mandy are here," she said as she stormed out of the room. She didn't even bother to speak to Nick or Mandy as she hurried out the front door.

Grissom scrambled from the bed. He grabbed his robe and opened the door to find Nick standing there.

"Is there a problem? Sara just left without a word."

Grissom sighed.

_Oh shit…_

_I've really screwed up…_

"She's just going for a walk," said Grissom.

"Walk, huh?" replied Nick.

"She's a little upset," said Grissom.

"Grissom, you don't look well," cautioned Nick.

Nick helped Grissom back to the bed.

"Doc said you were to stay in bed. Do it. If she doesn't come back soon, I'll go look for her. She's probably gone for a walk…has no car…at least she didn't take your vehicle."

"Thanks, Nick."

An hour passed and she did not return.

Grissom sat there staring at the clock.

Nick stuck his head into the room.

"You're worried aren't you?" asked Nick.

"I brought her back here…without any concern to her wellbeing."

"She's fine," urged Nick who hid his own concern.

"Sara had a schedule posted on the fridge," said Mandy. "It's time for your medicine."

"Later," grumbled Grissom.

Mandy looked at Nick.

"You know you're not going to help her by not getting better," said Nick.

He took the medicine knowing it would make him sleep for hours.

"Nick…"

"She'll be here when you wake up," urged Nick.

Hours passed and Sara did not show.

Nick searched the neighborhood and returned.

"Anything?" asked Mandy.

"I'm getting worried," said Nick. "I'm going to call Brass."

Mandy held David. "He's been really fussy."

"Grissom awake yet?" asked Nick.

Mandy shook her head.

"Good, because his blood pressure is going to skyrocket when he finds out Sara is…"

She stepped in the door, tossing her jacket on the coat rack.

"Where…" Mandy quickly placed her hand on Nick's arm to stop him.

David's whimpers caught Sara's attention. She turned and watched as the baby extended his hands for Sara.

It caught her offguard.

"Wow, he's really gotten attached to you," smiled Mandy. "He's been fussy ever since he woke."

Sara took the baby from Mandy. She whispered softly to David as she kissed him on the cheek. They watched as she disappeared into the nursery with the baby.

"I'm worried about her," mumbled Nick. "Maybe we should stay…let her get some sleep."

"I think it was a mistake that we came…Sara thinks we're checking up on her," said Mandy.

"David is obviously fine…he's already gotten attached to her…never saw her so sad…except when…it must be hard for her…caring for David when she never got to care for her own."

Nick heard a noise in the master bedroom.

He peeked inside to see Grissom getting out of bed.

"If I were you, I'd stay put," warned Nick.

"Sara…"

"She's with David," whispered Nick.

Grissom sighed. "It was just a walk."

"Griss, she just came back a few minutes ago…been gone all afternoon."

"You mean she's not rested…"

Nick shook his head.

Grissom cursed.

"I know you don't want any advice but…you should have asked if she needed help…rather than…she probably thinks you don't trust her with David."

"I know…that now, Nicky. I screwed up."

"She and David are getting along well. Poor fella fussed until she showed up…even held his hands out for her…never seen him do that," said Nick.

Grissom looked surprised. "Me either."

"If you need anything, just call…but clear it with Sara," added Nick.

"Thanks, Nick."

He started to go into the nursery but slipped back into bed.

An hour passed when she finally stepped out of the nursery.

"Sara?"

She appeared in the doorway.

"I'm sorry. I won't do that again. I just wanted you to get some rest…nothing more."

She started to go but he called her back once more.

"Could you come and sit with me?" he asked.

"Dinner…I should…"

"We'll order something."

"Hank…"

"I'm sure Nick took care of him," said Grissom.

She hesitantly came to sit on her side of the bed.

"You used to like to take bubble baths…why don't you? David is asleep. He won't be up for hours."

She jumped at the chance to avoid talking with him.

He watched as she gathered a few things and then disappeared.

"Mind leaving the door opened so we can talk?" he asked.

She did mind but nodded.

She prepared the bath tub and then closed the door to undress.

It unnerved him but he said nothing.

She opened the door slightly just as she stepped into the water.

"Infection is better," he announced.

"Good."

Silence returned.

"Nick said David's gotten attached to you."

_Me too _she thought but she let the silence hang between them.

"It's nice having you home."

Silence still.

"I want you to be happy…you're not," he said as he stood outside the door.

"You're not supposed to be up," she cautioned.

"Can I come in?"

"You should be in bed," she said.

"Just for a minute," he asked.

"Don't listen," she muttered.

"I'm…trying…to listen. I want to know what you need."

"I don't know what that is anymore," she blurted out.

"We could talk about it," he offered.

She sniffled.

He knew she was crying.

"I'll uhm go back to bed," he said quietly.

"You can…come in."

He sat down on the edge of the tub.

"I know you don't like…Vegas. Let's go somewhere…anywhere. Just tell me…"

"George has been calling. I have to…give my notice…leave in good standing," she said.

"Do you want to do that?" he asked. "You could…stay with the bureau…we could relocate…there."

"What about the lab?" she asked.

"My life is with you…not the lab, Sara. Tell me what you want?"

She pulled up her legs hugging them against her body.

"I'm not sure what that is…anymore."

"I'm sorry, Sara. I'm just trying to help," he said sadly. "I'll uhm let you get back to your bath…I'll listen for David."

She sat there in the bath tub as she remembered struggling to get free from under the Mustang. One minute she thought she was going to die and the next she was crawling out from under it. Natalie had failed. She'd almost walked her way out of the desert by the time Nick and the others had found her.

She had beaten Natalie.

She had beaten her past.

Sara Sidle was survivor, extraordinaire.

_Why couldn't William survive?_

_Why couldn't I have died and he lived?_

She'd held William as he died. She felt a part of herself die with him.

Now, a small baby lay in the next room.

The only man she had ever loved lay in the adjoining room.

Her family was there if she would accept it.

_Everything you've ever wanted, Sara…_

She could leave.

She could grab her suitcase and head back to San Francisco leaving Vegas and her home again.

It was an option.

"_Going to run again?"_

He returned to bed.

It pained him to see the hurt in her eyes.

He grimaced as he tried to lie on his injured side away from the bathroom.

The fact that she hid her body from him indicated there was much to work through.

He grimaced from the pain.

The bandage would need to be changed once more.

She emerged within minutes and it startled him as she sat down on his side of the bed.

He rolled over to face her.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"Of what?" he asked quickly.

"Myself."

He grabbed her into his arms and held her tight despite the pain.

"I'm here, Sara," he whispered over and over like a mantra. "Never meant to hurt you," he cried. "Never meant…"

"Not you…me," she whispered.

"Sara, I need to tell you…about David."

"I...love you," she gulped. "I love you and…David…God, Grissom he…uhm…as much as I want to…disappear…he keeps me grounded."

"I know…he did that for me too. Sara, you need to know…"

"We didn't change your bandage," she said placing her hand on the wound.

"That can wait. I want to talk with you…about…."

She burst into tears. "Not now. I'm so tired Grissom."

He pulled back the covers and she slid in beside him. His arms wrapped protectively around her.

"Just sleep," he whispered. The robe fell away from her body exposing her bare skin. He pulled her body against his. Slowly, she drifted to sleep. Grissom gently stroked her hair as he swiped at his eyes.

Hours passed and she remained asleep. David whimpered and he eased himself from the bed. Quietly he leaned over, ignoring the pain and lifted the baby. The baby stared at Grissom.

"I'm a poor substitute," he said. "She's sleeping."

Grissom carried the baby into their bedroom and they lay down beside her.

David shifted his head to see Sara sleeping. He gurgled causing her to stir.

"Ssssh…she's sleeping," he whispered.

Sara's hand reached out and hugged the baby.

Grissom wiped his cheek.

It had been hard but he felt she was slowly beginning to heal.

He wrapped his arm around his family content to hold them.

Note from author:

A little progress. Leave a review.

Take care!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

She smelled him before her eyes even saw him.

He smelled of baby powder and lotion.

His small hand managed to grab her hair and he worked feverishly to get it to his mouth before being caught.

Grissom gently pried his hand open and removed the hair but planted a kiss on the palm just as he'd seen Sara do.

David blew a bubble and startled himself when it burst sending splatters of baby drool across his face.

Grissom chuckled.

Sara lay there with her eyes closed as she listened to the baby and Grissom.

"Dinner is a little late…but I don't think you mind…as long as you're near her…that's the way I've always felt."

Grissom caressed the baby's cheek.

Sara opened her eyes and found Grissom staring at her.

"Feel better?" he asked.

She nodded as she focused her attention on David.

"He's probably hungry," she said.

"We're not complaining," he said with a slight smile. "We were willing to wait on you…for a change."

She smiled.

It was the first smile she'd given him since their arrival.

His hand caressed her cheek.

"I'll fix dinner if you feed him," offered Grissom.

Her smile faded.

"I'll feed him…"

"You're not supposed to get up," she said.

He grinned as he held up the phone. "Chinese on speed dial."

Her smile returned and it caused him to kiss her letting it linger between them.

His hand slipped down and rested on her bare skin.

She quickly pulled the robe together and headed to the kitchen.

The melancholy was still there but she seemed stronger.

He stopped hovering, leaving her alone when she needed privacy.

Days passed and she began taking short naps here and there.

She still had difficulty unwinding.

It had not been a problem before she left.

He learned that making love after a stressful day was just what she needed to drift off to sleep.

"I'm much better," he said. "Doc says the blood pressure is better…much better."

"I'm uhm glad," she whispered feeling a bit uneasy.

He rolled over to face her. "Shower with me," he whispered.

They'd showered countless times together but at that moment ever nerve in her body began to pulsate.

She stood there nervously as Grissom turned on the water.

Her eyes watched as each piece of his clothing disappeared onto the floor and then he held out his hand.

She couldn't.

She stood there unsure of what to do.

They'd made love recently but that was before she discovered Grissom's past with Heather.

Her first inclination was to flee.

She wasn't sure about her feelings.

Her mind suddenly began to compare herself to Heather.

Heather had been beautiful.

She was far more experienced in sexual matters than Sara would ever be.

She had given Grissom a son…a son who had lived.

"Sara?"

She stared at his hand that was extended.

Without another word, he slipped the gown over her head.

He pulled her into his embrace and already she could feel his desire.

His fingers toyed with the panties and with one swipe they were removed.

She stood there naked and exposed.

His hand pulled her into the shower with him.

His lips descended on hers. She felt her back against the wall as his hands trailed up and down her body. She moaned from the sensation. Her body wanted him and yet she fought the urge to struggle.

He positioned himself, pulling her into his arms like he'd done hundreds of times before but today it sent alarms bells ringing in her head.

She glanced at the door but she resisted the urge to stop the lovemaking. Her gasp from the sensations caused him to quicken the thrusts. It was pleasurable and painful. She gasped from the mixed emotions.

Her body wanted him, urged him, but her heart pounded in her chest and she felt as though it would surely burst from the pressure.

He thrust once more but then stopped in order to pin her hand back so that their faces were mere inches from one another. He closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of her body.

_Open your eyes, Grissom…_

_It's me…not her…_

_Look at me…want me…_

She knew he was beyond the point of no return and she forced herself to give him release. With one more thrust he climaxed. He continued striving to bring her to climax but she struggled breaking free. She did

not want to find any pleasure.

"Sara?"

"Shouldn't overexert yourself," she gasped between breaths trying to calm herself.

"I can never get enough of you," he whispered. He leaned down and kissed her. His eyes opened and his heart clenched when he saw pools of unshed tears. He didn't know what to make of it.

Later, he sat there on the bed and watched as she brushed her hair in the mirror. She tied the robe tight against her body as she made her way to the bed.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head as she curled up on her side of the bed. He molded his body to hers.

"I shouldn't...have been so…rough. I uhm…just wanted you," he whispered.

"You didn't hurt me," she replied.

"Sara…"

"Do I…uhm make you happy?" she asked.

Unshed tears glistened in her eyes.

"Yes…you've always made me happy," he announced, not sure why she would ask such a thing.

"Do I…" she stopped not knowing how to ask.

He'd never closed his eyes before and her insecurities were on overdrive.

_He was thinking of her…_

"Sara, look at me," he insisted.

She refused.

"I've never been happy with anyone but you," he insisted.

It didn't help.

David whimpered and she shot out of the bed.

"Don't," he said. "I'll get him."

"It's alright," she said struggling out of the covers. "I'll…"

"Stop!"

She froze from the harshness.

He fumed inwardly. "Just rest. I'll get him."

Grissom picked up the baby despite her protests and tried to comfort him but David wanted no part of Grissom. He wailed and wailed. He finally stepped into the room.

"I'm not sure what he wants," he said sounding frustrated.

She took him without a word.

Sara sat down in the rocker and held David close. The baby listened as she sang softly to him. Grissom hovered at the door listening. She continued to hum as she rocked back and forth. He remembered the tune.

She had sung it softly while she held William. It was meant to be a happy lullaby but it sounded mournful coming from her lips. Soon, the baby was asleep again. Her lips planted kisses along his cheeks and

forehead. She wasn't sure why it began but a droplet fell followed by another and another and soon she was gasping for air as she sobbed.

He stood there helplessly as she cried while holding David firmly in her arms. It stopped as mysteriously as it began. She placed the baby in the crib and then slumped back down in the rocker.

She thought she was done with the tears but they continued. She wrapped her arms around herself as she gulped back wave after wave. He eased himself down in front of her.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…pushed you…you weren't ready," he whispered.

"Do you...desire me, Grissom...love me?" she choked.

"God, Sara, I love you more than anything!" he pleaded.

"Why did you… close….your eyes?" she pleaded.

"My eyes?"

He looked shocked at her unvoiced accusation.

"No…I wouldn't…oh Sara…I was enjoying the feel of you…nothing more," he begged.

"Don't close your eyes," she cried out in frustration. "Don't…" her sobs drowned out the rest. He held her racking body as he tried to calm her.

"You've all I've ever wanted…needed," he whispered. "Sara…Heather and I…I never…"

Her phone interrupted them.

She hurried to get it as he cursed.

"I'm sorry…yes…I can…make arrangements…tomorrow," she said.

He stepped into the room to hear the last word.

She flipped the phone shut.

"We're going to talk now," he ordered.

"I need to make flight arrangements…I'll uhm drive back…with my things," she said.

He should have felt better knowing that she was coming back but he didn't.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do…understand?" he asked.

She nodded sadly.

"Do you want to come back?" he asked.

She hesitated before nodding.

His gut twisted.

"Are you sure? Sara…I want you…to do what's right for you," he said. "Not…me or David."

She wanted him as well as David.

She could not seem to make the pain go away.

She cried despite her best efforts to stop.

"I'm sorry…can't seem to stop," she gulped as she slumped down on the bed.

"Try to get some sleep," he urged not sure whether she would accept his arms around her. She slipped down between the covers and hid from him. He lay there on his side of the bed as he watched her struggle to sleep.

He curled his body up next to hers.

"I'll uhm hold you…if you want," he offered.

She rolled over and molded her body to his.

He kissed her tenderly. "I want you to…be happy."

"Sorry," she sniffled.

"Sara…do you… love me?" he asked.

"I've always loved you," she said without hesitation.

He held her close.

"We need to talk...about...David's conception," he said quickly.

"I don't want to know," she said.

"But..."

"Would it really help? My leaving hurt you...you with Heather...hurt me. Hasn't there been enough hurt?"

"But..."

"I need to move on," she begged.

He nodded sadly.

He woke the next day and found a note.

It sent his blood pressure through the roof.

She was gone.

He quickly stepped out to find Mandy sitting there on the couch.

"Sara called me," Mandy said. "I'll watch David...are you okay?"

He did not answer but stepped back into the bedroom shutting the door as he leaned against it.

_Please come back, Sara…_

_Please don't run again…_

He was worried about her.

He knew how hard she was struggling with her emotions.

He still struggled.

_I have to let her do this…._

_She has to want to come back…_

_She'd call if she needed me, right?_

He placed the phone by the bed.

She kept her word.

She was back within two days.

There had been no phone contact during those two days and by the end of the first day, he was sure that she had changed her mind.

He'd fallen asleep on the couch that evening, running off Mandy and Nick. He was startled when the door opened and she stepped inside.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I was trying not to wake you."

"You didn't call!"

"Neither… did you," she replied.

She let the bags drop to the floor.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Let me help."

"It can wait…till morning," she said.

"David missed you…he's been fussy," he said raking his hands through his hair.

"Did you…miss me?" she whispered.

It shocked him. "Of course, I missed you!" he boomed.

The sound woke David.

Before he could move, she was already in the nursery.

She lifted David into her arms and held him.

His little hands clasped her face.

"Missed you too," she whispered.

Despite her fatigue, she changed him and then gave him a bottle.

David watched her intently as he sucked down the bottle.

He seemed fussy as he clung to her.

"I'm here…to stay," she whispered.

"Do you mean that?" asked Grissom who stood at the door.

"I'm here," she said matter of fact.

"Why?" he asked. "Why are you here?"

She looked confused.

"Are you here for me…David…or for yourself?" he asked.

She glanced at him briefly before focusing her attention on David.

"You're my husband…this is…our son," she replied. "My place is here."

He sighed.

It was not the answer he wanted.

She sat with David a few hours despite Grissom's objections and then placed him in his crib.

The baby was up every few hours as if he were checking to see if she remained.

"We missed you," said Grissom sounding hurt.

"I thought it was best…just to…get it over with," she said as she picked up the bags that had been left in the floor

"I'll get those," he said.

"You still shouldn't lift…it's a few things…I boxed up the rest…I'll put it in storage when it arrives."

"Did you get any rest?" he asked.

It was apparent by her appearance.

"George was upset…but he wasn't surprised," she said. "Not after…he found out about our marriage."

"Sara…we could have relocated…you didn't have to give up…"

"I don't want to return to the lab," she blurted out.

"Then don't," he said without hesitation.

She almost seemed relieved but unsure of disclosing her plans.

He kissed the palm of her hand.

"Tell me what you want to do," he urged.

"Could I uhm stay…with David?" she asked.

He smiled. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He pulled her into his arms. "He's a very lucky boy."

Despite her best efforts, she failed at keeping the melancholy away.

He held her when she seemed frightened and hushed her fearful cries from the dreams that returned.

Soon, however, those disappeared as Sara slowly came to terms with the accident as well as their loss of William.

He'd gotten Mandy and Nick to come over one evening while they went out to dinner.

Once it was over, he headed toward the cemetery.

As they approached, his hand grabbed hers and held it tight.

He pulled her down on the bench near the gravesite, holding her hand as he talked about the funeral.

It had been painful for both of them but she knew it was necessary for them to talk about it.

An hour went by as they sat there holding each other.

She was surprised that the tears did not come.

It seemed that tears had become part of her every day routine.

Now, as she sat there, she felt a sense of closure.

She glanced up to notice his face was wet as he gazed at the name on the tombstone.

"Why did you…uhm pick me?" he asked.

She looked confused for a moment until he clarified. "You could have had anyone else…why me? After all the years of waiting….you could have just given up?"

"I love you. I could never love anyone else," she said simply.

"I didn't know if I was capable of love," he managed to get out. "One look at you and I wanted you…so much but then I had nothing to offer…I was…just me…an aging, old man. I was more comfortable with the dead than the living."

She pulled him closer to her.

"Remember that letter, I left?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Didn't you read it? You're the only home I've ever had. I think I've loved you forever…I never felt safe…except when I was with you. You made everything alright," she said.

"I didn't know how to make things right...to help you...so you would have stayed...so sorry, Sara," he cried.

She held him tight as his shoulders shook.

She felt beside herself.

She'd not seen this side of Grissom.

She'd once accused him of having no feelings and she wondered if he still remembered that hurtful comment.

She kissed him letting her lips linger on his.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

He smiled sadly.

As she stood, his hand pulled her back into his arms.

"Maybe you can be happy again?"

She turned and kissed him.

Note from author:

Kind of happy/sad....thanks for the reviews!

Take care!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

He watched in awe as David fell into the trap of being hopelessly in love with her.

He blossomed under Sara's watchful care.

Grissom returned to the lab but his overtime decreased dramatically as he focused on his family.

With each day, Sara seemed more and more secure of her role as mother and wife.

She greeted him at the door with details of their day.

He was eager to rush home after shift to discover what they had done while he was away.

Slowly, her sadness seemed to fade away as he watched in awe of how a little baby had transformed Sara Sidle into the young girl he'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

She was energetic again.

There was that bounce in her step as she danced around the room with David in her arms while Hank barked excessively at the spectacle.

She caught him wiping his eyes one morning and she stopped abruptly.

The hum ceased from her lips and Hank stopped suddenly to stare at his mistress who had become still.

"Gil, what's wrong?" she asked.

"You're happy," he whispered.

She flashed her Sidle smile. "I am."

"Never thought I would see you really happy again," he choked.

"You…and David make me happy."

He slowly watched as her smile returned completely as she beamed.

It was her Sidle smile.

"He's going to say dada any day now," she announced.

"I'm not sure he's ready for anything but bubbles," he grinned.

"Just wait," she said with absolute certainty.

David said it the next day.

He could not wipe the grin from his face as she sat there proudly holding David as he babbled it over and over.

He leaned over and kissed her.

It was a long lingering kiss.

She tensed.

He wanted to take it back the moment he did it.

They'd not been intimate since that day she had recoiled from his lovemaking.

He vowed he would be patient but it had been difficult.

He wanted her.

"You uhm must be tired," she said. "I'll just give him a bath and then lie him down for his nap."

Grissom smiled.

He lay there on their bed as she slipped into the room.

He tried to fall asleep but seemed too restless.

"Gil?" she whispered.

He rolled over.

"Can't sleep?" she asked.

"I'm not tired," he said quietly.

"I'm uhm sorry about the kiss," she said. "I didn't mean…it just startled me."

"I'll wait…until you're ready, Sara."

She curled her body up next to his.

Her hand slipped underneath his shirt.

Slowly, her hand trailed down his chest and he sucked in air when she slipped it into his pajama bottoms.

Her hand was soft as she slowly aroused him.

"Sara…"

He did not finish as she straddled him.

She leaned down and kissed him sensually on the lips.

He groaned from the feel of her.

Before he could object, she shifted and let him sink deep inside her.

He forced himself to remain still.

She lifted herself slowly but then sank down once more sending his body into a frenzy.

There was a slow rhythmic rocking of their bodies.

In one fell swoop he reversed positions and soon he was on top of her, matching each thrust.

She wrapped her legs around him and grabbed him.

He slowed as he kept his eyes focused on her.

"Don't stop," she whispered.

"I won't," he said as he drove them to climax.

He lay there panting on top of her as she continued to hug his body tight.

He could not seem to stop kissing her as his hands roamed up and down her body.

He made love to her again before finally drifting off to sleep.

He woke alone.

Grissom scrambled out of the bed and went in search of her.

He found her sitting on the back deck with Hank by her side.

"Sara?"

She turned and smiled at him.

He sighed. "I got worried when I woke…alone."

"Hank needed to go out so I decided to enjoy the sun with him. I don't miss graveyard...daylight is so much better," she said, smiling.

He sat down beside her, taking her hand. "I love you."

"I love you too."

His lips kissed the palm of her hand.

"Gil?"

He turned and looked at her.

"Thank you…for David," she whispered. "I've needed him so much."

He gulped from the emotion.

He pulled her tight against his chest. "God, I love you so much, Sara."

She appeared early in the lab that evening.

He was worried until he saw David smile.

"First tooth," she grinned.

He took the baby into his arms and hugged him.

Sara glanced over at Brass and smiled.

He returned the smile before letting it disappear as he turned and left.

He got used to their visits to the lab.

She would sit there in his office with David and as soon as he stepped inside, her smile would widen as David squealed in delight.

He wouldn't admit it but the cases seemed to affect him more these days.

His stomach knotted every time there was a call about a abduction as his thoughts lingered to Sara's near death.

He hated car wrecks or the death of a baby.

The moment he returned from the field, he searched for Sara.

He smiled the moment his eyes settled on her.

David would wave as Sara smiled.

His reaction was always the same.

He kissed his wife over and over, paying no attention to those around them.

The first time Sara stepped back, not feeling comfortable with the open affection.

She had been surprised that Grissom would take such a bold stance.

The others would merely smile and continue working.

Grissom's hand would always slide into hers as he led them to his office, excited to hear about their time away from him.

He lay in bed one evening watching Sara sing softly to David.

Once the baby was asleep, she placed him in the crib and joined him.

"I feel like I'm missing so much," he lamented.

She rolled over and faced him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He did not reply.

"You've seemed...down," she said as she placed soft kisses along his beard.

"I've been doing some thinking," he said.

He took a deep breath. "I'm thinking about leaving the lab."

She seemed speechless.

"I don't think you ever liked Vegas….the lab has to be a constant reminder of…"

"No! Don't leave the lab because of me. Gil, you have to leave because you want to."

"But…"

"I'm happy. I'm with David every day. I get to have dinner with you every evening and I see my friends…even if they are at the lab."

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly. "I want to make sure...I'm not neglecting...you. I never want to hurt you again, Sara."

She kissed him fully on the lips. "I'm happy...really happy...I've never been this happy before in my life. All I need is you and David."

She didn't appear one evening.

He was running late from the field and hurried to his office but found it empty.

He told himself that perhaps they had given up waiting and had returned home.

David had been fussy the last few days.

He glanced at his watch and then checked his phone.

There were no messages. Normally there would be numerous messages but on this night there were none.

If he had not been so worried, he would have found it odd and checked his phone but his eyes were too busy scanning the lab for his family.

He stuck his head out of his office and spotted Judy.

"Judy, have you seen Sara and David this evening?" he asked.

"Not yet…you've got messages," she said as he continued down the hall.

"Gil?"

He turned and saw Brass standing there.

"Sara sent me," he said in a low voice.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"She's at the hospital," Brass explained.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"David got sick…she's there with him now," said Brass. "She sent me to come and get you."

He was quiet until he reached the hospital. He rushed to the waiting room and saw her standing there with a cup of coffee in hand.

"What happened?" he asked.

"His fever shot up and he seemed to be in pain," she said. "Nothing I did comforted him so I brought him here."

"When did they admit him?" he asked.

"Four hours ago," she said.

"Four hours ago! Why didn't you…"

"I couldn't reach you by phone since you were out in the field….I waited until there was word…when there still wasn't…I called Jim."

"You should have gotten me immediately!"

"There wasn't anything to do but wait," she whispered. "I've been waiting…as soon as I heard something I would have…"

"That's no excuse Sara! You should have called me immediately!" he yelled.

She stepped back.

"Mrs. Grissom?" called a nurse.

They both hurried toward the nurse.

"We've completed the tests on your son and your pediatrician will be out in a moment to talk with you."

They both nodded.

"Can I see him?" asked Grissom.

"Of course," said the nurse. "You'll have to take turns."

He glanced at Sara.

"You go," she whispered as she turned her back from him.

He hesitated a moment and then disappeared.

Brass glanced at her. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "I hate this place. I handed him to them and they…took him…there…where…William died."

He extended his arms and she buried her head in his shoulder.

"This isn't the same. Babies get sick all of the time," he assured her.

"I thought I was doing the right thing…worrying for both of us…then…calling him," she sniffled.

"He's just worried," said Brass.

"Me too," she said.

"Sara?"

She turned quickly to Grissom.

"He's crying…for you," he said.

She rushed past him and made her way to the neonatal unit.

She glanced over to the small room where she had held William those last few hours.

She followed the wails.

She'd recognized that cry from a hundred babies.

Sara scooped him into her arms and snuggled him.

He quieted for a moment but continued to whimper.

"I wish I could take the pain from you," she said. "I would."

She swaddled him in a blanket wrapping him tight against her body and then seated herself in one of the rockers.

Slowly, she managed to get David to sleep.

The nursed smiled at her. "He just needed his mother," whispered the nurse.

Sara blinked back the tears as she continued to rock him.

She glanced up and saw Grissom standing outside the window. Brass joined him.

"You shouldn't have been so hard on her," Brass sneered. "She was trying to protect you."

"I know…I didn't mean…to hurt her."

"You think this was easy for her? Coming back here where she lost William? She loves David as her own. She'd kill the first person that tried to harm a hair on his head," grumbled Brass. "She deserved better

than that!"

"You're right," admitted Grissom guiltily.

"Tell her that…not me."

She remained with David until a nurse took him from her arms.

She stood there and watched as they placed him in a crib.

She quickly grabbed his blanket and teddy bear.

"He'll want these," she said handing them to the nurse.

Sara stepped out of the nursery just as the pediatrician met Grissom.

"Mr. Grissom, I wish I had better news," said Dr. Martin. "We ran some tests…to be sure. Sara noticed some bruising…just slight but we checked…your son has Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia."

He watched as Sara rushed back to the window pressing her hand against the glass pane.

Grissom stood there bracing himself as he listened to the odds of remission following a regimen of chemotherapy.

"Mr. Grissom, most children go into remission following the chemotherapy treatments. I won't lie to you…it's going to be very hard on him but he's already shown us how strong he can be."

Grissom could not keep his eyes from Sara as he listened.

"We're going to begin the treatments immediately."

Brass stood to the side as he listened as well.

As soon as the pediatrician left, Grissom joined Sara.

"Sara…"

"He likes to be wrapped snug…they don't have him snug," she said wiping the tears from her face.

"I'll tell the nurses," he whispered.

She stood there staring at the crib.

Grissom wrapped his arms around her.

"He uhm just got sick…I thought it was a stomach ache…but his abdomen continued to hurt and then I…"

"You did the right thing, Sara. You brought him here…I know how hard that must have been for you. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I knew something was wrong the moment I came into the lab and you were not

there. I didn't want you to go through this alone...not like William...I wasn't there when I should have been."

Her eyes drifted over to the small room where she had held William those last few hours.

Grissom did the same.

"I can't lose him, Gil. I can't lose David too. I just can't."

He held her shaking body as he tried to calm his own fears.

He knew that they could not endure the loss of another child.

It would surely break Sara.

She'd come so far in the last few months to have her happiness swiped away.

"We're going to get through this," he whispered.

Sara's eyes remained fixed on the bassinet.

Life as they knew it ceased to exist.

Sara became a permanent fixture at the hospital, refusing to leave David.

She pushed Grissom to continue working, explaining that part of their life had to remain normal.

She also knew Grissom did not fare well when it came to waiting.

It was part of the reason she had delayed calling him.

The first treatment had been horrendous on all of them.

They had held his frail body as the medicine destroyed the deadly cancer cells but also his immune system.

They were careful as they restricted themselves around anyone who might be sick.

Sara had always been conscious of germs but she kept to herself in order to remain germ free and able to comfort David.

It had pained Grissom when he came down with a cold.

He came to the hospital to peer through the glass partition at Sara holding David.

He wanted to hold both of them but even Sara kept her distance from him.

He tapped on the window as she placed him in his crib.

She stepped out of the nursery and glanced at him.

He was exhausted.

"You should go home…get some sleep…take care of that cold," she said.

"How is he?" he asked through a bout of coughing.

"We haven't gotten the latest results back," she said. "He's so…weak."

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

"Feeling helpless…I can't make the pain go away," she sniffled. "He cries and looks at me to protect him…I can't."

She closed her eyes and leaned against the partition.

"You should try to get some rest. I'm worried about you," he said. "I wish I could hold you."

Grissom glanced over his shoulder and saw Brass arrive.

Sara smiled. "He's been coming every morning…you should try to resolve whatever problem the two of you have."

"I will," he whispered. "Promise me, you'll take care of yourself?"

She nodded.

"Hey kiddo," said Brass.

"I'll let Jim hug you…since I can't. Call me if you need anything," said Grissom as he disappeared down the hall.

"Why can't he…"

"He has a cold…germs…are you sick?" she asked.

"Healthy as a horse," he declared as he stretched out his arms.

She practically threw herself into his arms.

"Glad I'm good for something," he said. "Let's go get something to eat."

The cafeteria became their eating establishment since he knew she would not leave the hospital.

"How are you feeling?" asked Brass as he eyed her.

"Don't start," she breathed. "I know I look like shit…I'm tired…I'm beyond tired."

"Sara, it's not going to do David any good if you get sick because you're not taking care of yourself."

"I am…It's just…I try to sleep on the bench outside the neonatal nursery and I hear the machines go off. I…uhm think it's him," she choked, " and I jump up to watch as they try to revive a baby…I'm so thankful

it's not David but…it's someone's child…like William and I uhm…"

She covered her mouth and rushed out of the cafeteria.

Brass stood outside the women's restroom.

He said nothing when she emerged looking far worse than when he arrived.

"I'm sorry. My nerves are shot…every day I tell myself I can't sit and watch this anymore but then I can't leave him. I'm not leaving without my child."

Brass hugged her to him. "You're a good mother, Sara. I'm not sure I could do this."

"You are. You come by every day and…why do you come?"

"Because you've always held a special place in my heart…so I come."

She kissed him on the cheek.

"He's not mad at you…you know. He just doesn't know how to fix it between the two of you."

"Neither do I…but I'll try Sara."

He kissed her on the forehead. "See you later, kiddo," he whispered.

Note from author:

I know...I had to throw a little more angst in there before the story ends....it's my nature....

Take care!


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

Days passed as the treatments continued.

Grissom recovered from his cold and had spent the previous day at the hospital.

He'd forced her to lie down while his lap supported her head.

She'd managed to get in a few hours before there was a tap on the glass.

"It's time for his treatment," she yawned.

"Sara…let me do it," he said.

"We've tried that…he does better with me…holding him," she gulped. "You think he believes I'm hurting him?"

"No! He knows you're there to comfort him…that's why he prefers you."

Her hands shook as she watched them give him another chemo treatment.

She shut her eyes tight as she listened to his wails later.

He was weak.

She felt it.

She glanced at the nurse as she rocked him back and forth with her body.

"Call my husband," she whispered between bouts of tears.

Grissom had gone down to the cafeteria to get coffee for them.

He panicked when he saw the pager go off with the hospital number.

He hurried back to the nursery.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Could you hold him?" Sara begged.

"Of course," he said taking the baby into his arms. "Sara…what's wrong?"

She fled.

He glanced at the nurse as he tried to figure out where she'd gone.

"Mr. Grissom?"

He turned to look at the nurse.

"I think she was afraid he was going to die. His pulse dropped quite a bit. I don't think she wants to be holding him…if he dies," explained the nurse.

Grissom stared at his son. "He's not going to die."

"He's very weak. His numbers are not up," she whispered. "I think your wife knows that…a mother can sense these things…he's dying."

Grissom clutched at his son.

_We can't lose another child…_

_Please, God, don't take David from us too…_

Sara rushed to the bathroom as she found an end stall and collapsed inside.

She covered her mouth to hide the sobs as she cried.

She leaned over the toilet and vomited what little food she had managed to eat in the last few hours.

She sat there trembling.

_I'm such a coward…_

_I couldn't do it again…_

_I couldn't hold him and watch the life ebb out of him…_

_I look at him now and I see William…_

She quickly stood on wobbly knees, trying to maintain her balance as she stepped out of the stall.

She washed her face and then hurried back to the nursery.

"I'm sorry. I'll take him back," she whispered.

"Sit here beside me," said Grissom. "We'll hold him together."

They sat there for hours.

David's vitals slowly improved.

"I think we should place him back in his crib," whispered the nurse who took the baby.

"I want you to go home," said Grissom as he held Sara's hand.

"I'm not leaving," she vowed.

"Sara, you're not well. You're exhausted," he gently explained while caressing the palm of her hand. "I'll take a few days off and stay here with him."

"I'm not leaving…and you can't make me!"

He sighed. "I'm worried…about you."

"I'm fine," she lied.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. "I'm going to stay."

"Go to work…or go home. Hank probably needs to go out…save the leave…for later," she stressed.

He nodded.

He knew she was right.

This was far from over.

He just didn't know how much more Sara could endure.

"Get some sleep," he begged.

"I will."

She waited until she knew he was gone before pulling a nurse to the side.

"I need some help," she whispered.

She sat there as she stared at the pregnancy test.

She'd been denying her body for weeks but now as she held the proof she could do nothing but burst into tears.

_Not now…_

_We need to focus on David…_

_I can't think of anything except David…_

"Not the answer you wanted?" asked the nurse who had gotten the pregnancy test for her.

"Bad timing," she whispered.

"Maybe God is giving you another life….in case you lose David."

"I don't want another life…I want David," she said as she swung her legs off the bench.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't. I just…want my son…I want David."

"If there's anything we can do…"

"Don't mention this to anyone."

"Mums the word," she said.

"Thank you."

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at the nurse.

"Take care of yourself. I'll give you some prenatal vitamins…we get lots of freebies from the pharmaceutical companies. You can also stay in here. This room belongs to the nurses…we won't mind sharing it with you. I'll put a cot in the corner over there."

"Thanks Molly," said Sara.

She slept better in the nurse's station.

There was less distraction.

It also helped to know the nurses would wake her if David stirred.

The nausea was unbearable.

Molly and the other nurses brought her something when she could not seem to go more than an hour without rushing to the restroom.

She was thankful that Grissom was not around.

Brass had his concerns but she managed to keep her condition a secret.

She glanced at her watch.

"You okay?" asked Brass.

"I wanted him to be here…when the latest test results…are read," she said.

Brass sat down beside her. "Did you get any sleep?"

"The nurses gave me a cot in the nurse's break room…I slept better."

He didn't believe it but he nodded.

Brass wrapped his arm around her as Dr. Martin sat down across from them.

"David is not in remission."

Sara knew this.

"Most babies only have a 17 to 45 percent survival rate for this kind of cancer…I think our only option at this time is a bone marrow transplant."

Sara glanced at the floor. "I'm uhm not his mother…my husband is his biological father…his real mother died…from cancer."

"We need to do this as soon as possible," said Dr. Martin.

The elevator opened and Grissom hurried down the hall.

"I'm sorry…I couldn't find a parking spot," he said.

He stared at the two.

From the look on Sara's face, he knew it was not good news.

"I was just telling your wife…your son is going to need a bone marrow transplant. Since you're the father…you're the most likely candidate."

Grissom stared at David's crib. "Is there no other option?"

Dr. Martin shook his head.

"Mr. Grissom, we'd like to do this as soon as possible."

"I uhm need to talk…this over with my wife," he said.

The doctor glanced at Sara. "Of course."

Sara looked confused.

She waited until the doctor was gone.

"What is there to talk about?" she asked suddenly. "It's best if it comes from a blood relative preferably a mother or father…I can't…but you can!"

He shook his head.

Sara came out of the seat.

"What do you mean you can't? It will save his life!"

"Sara…Come with me," he said.

He took Sara by the arm.

She had no idea what thoughts were running through his head.

She glanced up and noticed they were in front of the sanctuary.

He stepped inside pulling her in as well.

She waited until they were both seated.

"If this has something to do with your Catholic upbringing…screw it…David needs the transplant."

"I can't," he almost sobbed.

"Why…not?" she begged.

"I'm…uhm not his father," he said.

"But…"

"I never…I never broke my vows to you, Sara. After you left, she told me she was pregnant…on the same day she told me about the cancer."

Sara looked shocked at first but there was no time to discuss what Grissom had revealed.

She was not about to lose another child.

"Then we'll get the father," she said.

"She never told me his name…I don't know who it is," he choked. "I didn't want to know. We'd just lost William…you left…she told me she wanted me to have David…I uhm wanted her to be sure…I thought she needed to tell the father but she refused. She made me promise to care for him…love him…accept him as my own. She didn't want to leave her son alone…she knew we had just lost a child…she thought….God forgive me, Sara but I thought the same thing. I wanted my family back. I wanted you."

He took a deep breath.

"Heather had already given instructions to her attorney to process the adoption papers…privately."

"She wasn't even going to give the father a chance?" she asked.

"I talked with her…urged her in the end to let me contact him. After she died, all I could think about was David…he was fighting for his life. I did what she asked…I acted as his father."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"I made a promise…to protect David…and then later…I didn't want to lose him, Sara. I loved him…as my own."

"I would have helped protect him," she said sadly.

"And let you live in fear that someone would take him from us? You needed him as much as David needed you. I needed him…to replace what I'd taken from you."

He held back a sob. "Losing William…was **my **fault! If I had gone **with you**…took your needs first then the accident never would have happened. We would have William now…I didn't know how to fix things. All I could think about was getting you to forgive me...but even if you did we still wouldn't have William….but we would have David…I wanted to make **you **happy again…I didn't make you happy…**David **did."

He looked at her. "I could give you what we had lost…a baby, Sara…a boy."

He sat there on the bench with his head in his hands as he cried.

Sara stood there letting her own tears fall.

Sara knelt down in front of him.

"Gil, I still would have come to Vegas…still would have been hit by the drunk driver…still would have lost…"

He grabbed her pulling her into a tight embrace.

"We don't know that," he grieved. "You've blamed yourself for months while I let you believe the worst…of me…not even acknowledging what I'd really done…I was the one that **left**…left **you **alone because I couldn't be what you needed so you had to leave. If I had taken the final risk…left the lab, we would have been together. Things would have been different…I never would have let you work for the F.B.I., especially pregnant. Things **would **have been different. **I** did this. I caused the **death** of **our son**."

She took his face into her hands and kissed him fully on the lips.

He'd spent the past months helping her to come to terms with the loss of their baby when he'd not really done so himself.

He'd done everything wrong but Gil Grissom had done it out of love.

Years ago, Grissom would not have even dreamed of doing such a thing.

"Gil, look at me," she whispered as she kissed him, forcing him to look at her.

"It's not your fault that I couldn't tell you how I felt…what I was going through. I just tried to handle it like I'd always done…on my own…it didn't work. I could have trusted…**you** with my insecurities. If I had done that, things would have been different, Gil. I didn't **give **you a chance to help me."

"I wanted to tell you…tried to tell you but…"

"I didn't want to know what happened between you and Heather. I felt too much guilt for my own actions."

"Sara, I'm not sure we can locate David's real father," he feared.

"If we don't find out who's the father…there are no other options…David is going to…" Sara covered her mouth.

"We have to have faith that won't happen. God took William but he gave us David."

"Now he's taking him away. I hate your God! He's mean and cruel and…"

"Don't say that!" he mourned.

Her body racked with grief.

His hands stroked her hair as they both cried. "No more guilt, Sara. It wasn't your fault. It was a terrible accident that took our baby's life. I'm so thankful I didn't lose you…could never bear to lose you."

"We'll find another way," he whispered. "God will show us another way."

"He won't. He hates me. He does nothing but punish me," she sobbed.

"He especially loves you, Sara. Through all of the hell you've endured, you still love. You accepted a child as your own….you've protected and loved him…God will not fail you now."

She continued to sob.

_He gives…he takes…_

_I'm pregnant…so he'll take David…_

_I want David…_

_I didn't ask to be pregnant again…_

_I prayed to be a good mother to David…_

_Better than my mother was to me…_

Sara slowly pulled back. "Maybe…maybe she left something…something that would…tell us…who the father is."

Grissom had not been back to Heather's house. Lisa had moved Grissom's things back to the townhouse at Heather's final instructions.

It was a possibility there was some proof.

He'd not thought to go through her things.

She may have written it somewhere in a journal or perhaps there would be proof of some correspondence with one particular man.

He swiped at his eyes. "I'll uhm go there…I'll ask the others to help."

Sara tried to hold back the wave of nausea.

"I'm sorry…I didn't tell you," he said.

"I just want David to…live," she said.

They stepped out of the sanctuary to find Nick and Greg waiting outside.

Nick spoke first. "Brass said both of you were here…he had to leave."

"Nick, we need your help," she pleaded.

"Anything," he said.

"Count me in," added Greg.

"Go with Griss…he'll fill you in," she urged. "I'll uhm get back to the nursery."

She started to leave but stopped suddenly to kiss Grissom and then hurried down the hall.

She ducked into the restroom just in time.

She leaned against the stall.

Her head pounded.

She slipped down into the floor to avoid falling.

She clutched her abdomen as she wiped her mouth.

_It's not that I don't want you…_

_I want David…also…_

She knew she was in trouble the moment the vomiting resumed and with each gasp she felt the slight cramping.

She braced herself as it slowly subsided.

"Sara?"

It was Molly. "Are you alright?"

"The nausea…there's cramping," she moaned. The cool paper towels felt wonderful to her forehead.

She did not mind leaning on the nurse as they made their way to the nurse's break room.

She sat down on the cot only to stand. "David…how's David?" she blurted out.

"He's sleeping," Molly whispered. "You need to get off your feet. I'll get some ginger ale and crackers."

"Thank you," she murmured.

She swiped the tears from her eyes.

"Sara…is there any spotting?" she asked.

"Some," she cried.

"Stay off your feet. We'll let you know if there are any changes to David's condition," she urged.

Sara shut her eyes tight as she prayed feverishly.

_Is it so greedy to want them both?_

Note from author:

The story is almost finished. For those that have consistently read and reviewed, thank you. I plan to finish this quickly so please post quickly.

Take care


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

He said very little as they drove.

Nick glanced around. "Want to tell me where we're going?" he asked.

"Heather's," Grissom said.

Both young men stared at him.

Nick pulled into the driveway and Grissom quickly hurried inside as the others followed.

"What are we looking for?" asked Greg.

"A diary…letters…correspondence…we uhm need to know the name of the man…I'm not David's biological father…Heather was dying…she left him in my care."

"Why do you need to know now?" asked Nick.

"The chemo is not working…David needs a bone marrow transplant…from a blood relative."

"I'm sorry, Grissom," whispered Nick. "If there's anything here, we'll find it."

"Take her office…it's through those doors…Greg, check the sitting area…I'll uhm take her bedroom," said Grissom.

Grissom hurried up the stairs.

Nick and Greg looked at one another.

"I knew it," whispered Nick. "That man would never touch another woman besides Sara."

Hours passed and they found nothing.

Grissom sat down on the bed they'd shared.

He'd contacted Lisa but she could not help.

He'd gone through every book he could put his hands on, hoping she had left something.

He swiped at his eyes.

"Griss?" asked Greg.

"Hmmm," he managed.

"We uhm didn't find anything," whispered Greg. "There was a journal…but no name was ever mentioned. She wrote that he did not like her profession…she loved his. She uhm seemed to be trying to decide on a name. She wrote out several…using the name James with each one. You think his name is James?"

"Her father's name was James…so was mine but it could mean something. I'm uhm not sure," he said as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm not sure about anything."

The young man felt awkward at that moment.

He'd never heard his boss speak in such a way.

Ever since he'd know Gil Grissom, there was not a fact he did not know but now he sat there struggling to maintain his composure.

Nick joined them.

"I need to get back to the hospital. I need to hold him…instead of Sara in case he… she was holding William when he passed away."

He stood, glancing around the disheveled room. "Heather would have my hide for making such a mess. She always liked order."

"We'll keep looking," offered Nick. "Mandy is coming to help…she's bringing Hodges and the others."

Grissom nodded as he headed back down the stairs.

"I don't think Sara can take losing another child," whispered Nick.

"Let's get back to work," urged Greg.

He was surprised when he did not see her sitting outside the nursery.

He glanced inside and noticed David was gone.

His stomach knotted as he headed to the nurse's station.

"Mr. Grissom, you wife is lying down," smiled Molly.

"Where's David?" asked Grissom.

"They're just running some tests. He just woke…he'll be right back," she urged.

Grissom stepped into the break room and found her asleep.

One touch and she was awake.

"Did you find anything?" she asked quickly.

He shook his head.

"You will," she said trying to sound hopeful.

"David is having some tests done," he said quietly.

"I know…Molly told me she would tell me when he returned," she said.

"You were awake and yet you didn't go with him?"

She tried but then the nausea hit and the spotting had continued.

The nurses forced her to lie back down.

"He's just down the hall," she said trying to soothe him.

He seemed hurt.

A nurse's head popped in. "He's back."

"Go…spend some time with your son," she whispered. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Are you sick?" he asked suddenly.

"I'm just tired," she admitted.

He sat down in the rocker and waited for them to bring David.

_Her feelings are different now…_

_She no longer cares because he's not mine…just Heather's…_

_I can't believe she'd…_

His thoughts were interrupted when David screamed.

He jumped out of the rocker.

"What's wrong?" he asked rushing to the crib.

"It's his leg…It may have popped out of joint…sometimes their bones become very brittle from the drugs…they can easily break…we'll need to take him down for an X ray."

He glanced over and saw Sara standing outside the room.

"What happened?" she asked. "I heard him all the way in the break room."

"He's hurt. He's going to need X rays," explained Grissom.

"You can take him downstairs," said the nurse. "I'll call and have the tech ready for you."

Sara glanced at the nurse.

The nurse discreetly shook her head.

"Gil, you'll need to take him," whispered Sara.

"He wants you!" he boomed.

"I'll uhm carry him down…but you'll need to hold him…whisper softly to him," she stressed.

David wailed.

Grissom cursed. "It shouldn't matter…he's still my son…our son."

"He is!" she shot back. "It's just…"

"Mr. Grissom, they need you down there now."

Grissom took David and intentionally did not stop when Sara held out her arms to comfort the baby.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I know that must have hurt but you did the right thing. You should not be exposed to the radiation."

"I could have worn the lead apron…something…"

"You? It weighs more than you," huffed the nurse. "Get off your feet…and Sara…you need to think about the life you're carrying also. I don't mean to butt in but your husband needs to know…so he can understand."

"He has enough to worry about."

One of the nurses handed her a club soda and she took it.

She sat on the edge of the cot, wondering how David was coping.

Molly popped in. "Technician just called and said it's not broken…they've managed to pop his hip back into place. He's going to be fine, Sara."

She let out a sigh as she lay down.

_He's fine, Sara…_

_Focus on this one…you need to rest…_

_Give your body rest…_

She lay down, pulling the blanket over her as she slept.

Hours passed and she jumped when she heard the door open.

"Sorry," whispered one of the nurses.

"No problem…just glad to have a bed," yawned Sara.

She glanced at the clock and then scrambled from the cot.

"Slow down," cautioned the nurse. "David is fine… he was asleep before he even returned from X ray. Your husband has been rocking him. We didn't have the heart to make him put David into the crib."

"Thanks Wendy," breathed Sara. "I'll get him to put him back…right after I hold him...I know…I know…too much handling can cause bruising."

Sara stepped into the bathroom.

She was relieved when there was no additional spotting.

She washed her face and then stepped out.

"How are you feeling?" asked Wendy.

"No more spotting," she said.

"That's good but don't push it," she warned.

She leaned against the doorway and watched Grissom as he softly recited Shakespeare to David.

"He doesn't seem to be in any pain," she whispered.

Grissom ignored the comment and continued.

"Give him to me and I'll put him back into his crib," she whispered.

"You may not want to hold him anymore but I do," he spat.

"That's…not true. He just bruises easily…I know you've been holding him for a long time and…"

"Someone needed to comfort him."

"I was sleeping," she explained.

"How could you sleep, not knowing if your son's leg was broken?"

"Molly told me! The technician called back. You think…I waited until I knew. Molly said she would wake me if anything was wrong…she didn't…he's been fine. I want to hold him…you've been holding him for hours…he bruises easily because of the medication…holding him makes it worse!"

She stood there gasping for air at her outburst and then she was rushing to the nearest restroom.

She gasped as she tried to control the nausea.

When she finally emerged, she saw that David was now in his crib.

Grissom sat on the bench that was once her bed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," he said. "I was just afraid that…you didn't want him anymore."

"He's mine!" she screeched.

"I'm sorry," he said once more.

He glanced at her. "Feel like going to the cafeteria…"

She quickly shook her head.

Just the thought of food made her stomach rumble in revolt.

She leaned against the wall.

He scooted down the bench. "Sit beside me?"

She didn't.

She walked over and stared at David's sleeping form.

"Nick and the others are still searching," he said.

She nodded.

Her head turned toward the room she hated most and saw a young couple with their newborn.

"Sara?"

She had not even heard Grissom as she watched the interaction.

The woman held the baby while the man knelt.

_Premature like William…_

_Molly says he's going to make it…_

_Why couldn't William?_

_I don't understand…_

"Sara?" She jumped when she found Grissom just inches from her.

He glanced over at the couple. "The nurse said the baby is going to be just fine."

She sniffled. "William was the same gestational age…not fair."

"Sara…"

She brushed off his comfort as she folded her arms about her.

"I don't know how to comfort you," he whispered.

"Then don't!" she yelled as she burst into tears.

She hurried down the hall as he stood there feeling completely beside himself.

Grissom felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Brass.

He'd never hugged a man in his life but he stood there clutching Brass as he cried.

Brass patted him on the back as his shoulders shook.

"Let's uhm move this down the hall," whispered Brass.

The two men stepped into the chapel.

Grissom wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to comfort her."

"When is the bone marrow transplant?" asked Brass.

"There's not going to be one," gulped Grissom.

"Why not?" asked Brass sounding irritated.

"There's no donor," he said.

"You're the father! What's wrong with…"

He stopped in midsentence as he watched Grissom shake his head.

"Heather and I never…just friends…I was never the father…just a friend…honoring a dying friend's wish…she gave me David to protect and now I'm going to watch him die…just like William," cried Grissom.

Brass sat back as if he'd been kicked in the gut.

"Who uhm…did Heather ever mention…" He couldn't make out a complete sentence.

"She never told me…took it to the grave…the guys have been at the house trying to find…"

"They won't find anything," whispered Brass. "She protected….me."

Grissom's eyes widened with shock.

Note from author:

Yeah, some of you already guessed it....leave a review, do the happy dance etc....fluff....it's coming....

Take care


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

"I can't explain it…that day when she had almost let that bastard kill her so she could leave that money to her granddaughter…it really wasn't the money. She did that to hide the depression...she just wanted to die…she couldn't get over the loss of Zoe. I understood loss…I'd lost my daughter to drugs and prostitution years ago. I went there to…I don't know why I went there…maybe to check on her…thought she was the type that would try until she completed the task. I uhm started going by there…she was always discreet…made sure no one saw us…protected me professionally. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through Warrick's death without her. I said some pretty mean things to him…accused you of getting him off."

Brass hung his head. "I loved her…but I didn't like her business…we fought about it. I told her I couldn't love someone…be with someone who did what she did…I'd hope she would have gotten out of the business."

"She did. She took classes…got her degree...began counseling….but wait…David was conceived…"

"She never told me. Thinking back I believed she wanted me…to want her faults and all…I did…but my pride got in the way. I said some nasty things one night…she told me to never come back unless I was willing to change. The next thing I know you're moving in with her and then…" he sighed.

"I'll have a DNA sample done to prove David is mine," said Brass. "I know he is. I've been so pissed at you for…moving in with Heather...hurting Sara…I didn't know she was ill. I would have been there…I should have been there."

"I think she wanted you there in the end. She was too weak…she wanted so much to see David. Heather said he was going to be like his father...a good man."

They were both quiet.

"She loved…"

"Don't. It hurts like hell right now," sniffled Brass.

"I need to find Sara. This has been really hard on her."

"I'll get the tests started right away," said Brass.

Grissom shook his hand but then hugged him.

He stepped out of the chapel and headed back to the nursery where he thought she might return.

She had.

She sat there on the bench.

"Mind if I sit down with you?" he asked.

He took a seat without waiting for a response.

"Sara…"

"Have they found anything?" she interrupted.

"Jim…thinks he's the father," whispered Grissom.

Sara's head shot around.

"He'd been seeing Heather in secret…they'd broken up before I moved in," said Grissom.

"Did you…ever sleep with her?" asked Sara.

"Like I said in the chapel, I never broke my vows, Sara…but I did sleep with her. I was afraid…for her…and the baby…we shared a bed later...but there wasn't anything sexual...more of comfort...for both of us."

Sara nodded as if she understood.

"I wanted to tell you the truth…about David…but I couldn't…I just…"

"You were keeping a promise…to protect him…now you know you were protecting him from Jim…do you think you really needed to do that?"

"Heather was upset that Jim did not accept her…profession. Sara, who knows what, was going through her mind during the pregnancy. The pain was…unbearable at times…even for her. She trusted me. I accepted her the way she was just like she accepted me. She also knew I would protect David at all costs to ensure he never knew about her past. She was never ashamed of it but she knew that it drove a wedge between she and Zoe and she wanted more for David. She just wanted him to have a happy life."

"Is Jim..." she couldn't finish.

The nausea hit with a vengeance.

"If Jim is the father, he'll do the bone marrow transplant."

She nodded as she leaned against the glass partition, closing her eyes as she prayed it would pass.

"He's got a good chance," whispered Grissom.

She nodded.

"Sara, you've not eaten. Come with me to the cafeteria and we'll get something."

She knew she needed to eat but the thought of all of those aromas hitting her at once would surely cause another episode of vomiting.

"I'd like to stay here…you go…bring something back," she said.

"You sure?"

"Maybe some soup…chicken broth perhaps…with crackers," she requested.

His hand covered her forehead but she was cool to the touch.

He frowned. "I could order out…get one of the guys…"

She shook her head.

"Be back in a few minutes," he said.

Molly waited until Grissom was gone. "If you'd added ginger ale I think he would have figured it out."

"Not likely," groaned Sara.

"Morning sickness still bad?" she asked.

"I can't keep anything down…I'm exhausted…my head hurts…no spotting…it stopped," she added.

"Come with me," said Molly.

Sara followed her down the hall.

She opened one of the rooms and ushered Sara inside.

Sara had been in this room before to shower.

It had been occupied recently and so she had moved back to the nurse's break room for quick showers each day.

The cot had been much better than the padded bench but the bed was enticing.

"This room is going to be empty tonight," she said. "It's for the older children…but our patient was discharged. It's yours for the night. I think you need it."

Sara sat down on the bed. "I so need a shower. Thanks Molly."

"I'll send your husband when he returns," she said with a smile.

Sara kicked off her shoes. She noticed Molly had already set her overnight bag in the room. She rummaged inside for a clean pair of sweats and slipped into the shower.

The hot water felt great on her body as she lathered with the soap and then stood there letting it ease the tension in her muscles.

It was quick but it felt refreshing.

She dressed and then slipped on her shoes once more. She checked on David and then went back to the room curling down into the covers.

She knew if she closed her eyes she could easily fall asleep.

Her stomach growled, surprising herself.

Grissom stepped into the room and smiled. "Molly told me about your other sleeping arrangements for the night."

"I'm not complaining about the cot. It was better than the bench…but this is good."

He pulled out the soup and crackers.

He sat there and watched as she emptied the bowl.

"Glad to see your appetite is good," he said with a slight smile.

"David is still sleeping," she said.

"I know. I checked myself," he said as he leaned over and checked her forehead once again.

"I'm uhm not sick," she said.

"You don't look well," he said. "I'm worried about you."

"I just need sleep…feel much better tomorrow," she murmured.

"No time like the present. I'll just sit here until you fall asleep. I've taken off the next few days. I want to be here for the bone marrow transplant," he explained.

"Have you heard…"

"Jim is David's biological father," he said.

"How did he…take it?" she asked.

"He regrets the decisions he made…He's willing to do anything to help David."

"How uhm do you feel about it?" asked Sara.

"I don't want to lose my son," he whispered.

"Jim wouldn't…"

"We haven't discussed it," admitted Grissom. "I know I couldn't ignore my own child."

She nodded.

"Try to sleep," he said leaning down once more to kiss her.

"Wake me if…"

"I will," he promised.

He sat there and was astonished at how quickly she fell asleep.

_She's exhausted…_

_She's not well…I know it…_

His hand rested briefly on her forehead. He slid quietly out of the room and walked over to the nursery window. Brass soon joined him.

"How is he?" asked Brass.

Grissom glanced at him. "He should be waking soon."

"I wanted to come by and see him before they put me in a room," sighed Brass.

Brass explained the apheresis collection process followed by the medication to stave off side effects.

"How is Sara?" asked Brass.

"She's exhausted. They gave her a room for the night…just down the hall. I know she wants to hold him but I think it would be best if she slept," said Grissom.

Brass agreed.

David stirred and the nurse waved to Grissom.

He waited by the rocker and smiled when they handed the baby to him.

"Hey David," whispered Grissom.

He sat down and began to rock.

Brass stood outside the partition and watched.

Grissom glanced at the baby and then motioned for Brass to enter.

He hesitated for a moment but then stepped inside.

"Would you like to rock him?" asked Grissom.

Brass took the baby into his arms and held him for a moment. "I always thought he looked like Heather…dark eyes…hair."

He sniffled as he kissed the baby.

David whined and he handed him back to Grissom.

"He wants his father," whispered Brass. "Besides, I should go back downstairs."

Grissom watched as he disappeared down the hall.

"Someday, I'll tell you about my friend," he whispered.

Grissom sat there for an hour as he rocked David.

He held his breath as they prepared the baby for the procedure.

David's weak cries prompted him to wake Sara but the nurse discouraged it.

"She's can't do anything for him…besides, your wife needs rest. The procedure is going to be very trying for everyone," advised the nurse.

Grissom nodded sadly.

He'd no sooner agreed than he looked up and saw Sara standing there.

"I heard his cries," she whispered. "Oh, God, Gil what are they doing to him?"

"It's to prepare his body for the bone marrow transplant. Jim was admitted. They're going to begin the process tomorrow. It will take two days and then…"

He stopped when she ran past him.

She wrapped David in his favorite blanket and held him despite the latest IV insert that now protruded from his chest.

David hushed as he stared at her.

She softly hummed to him as she watched the medication drip into his small veins.

He drifted to sleep as she wept.

"Sara, come back to the room," he whispered.

She clung to the crib but his hand gently pried them loose.

He molded his body to hers as he held her.

"He's going to make it," whispered Grissom.

She closed her eyes and prayed he was right.

Chaos ensued for the next forty eight hours.

Sara and Grissom kept vigil by David's side as his frail body was pumped with more chemotherapy in order to kill his bone marrow.

With each treatment, Sara's stress increased as she watched its toll on David.

The nurses assured her he was strong and was doing better than most babies but it did not matter.

She could not bear to see him in such a state.

Grissom's attempts to comfort her only led her to flee to the nearest restroom.

Nick hovered by Grissom's side.

"Sara is just dealing with this in her own way," Nick whispered.

"I'm worried about her Nicky. I'm afraid…for her…for us…if anything happens to David."

"You heard the doctors…the nurses…he's doing better than most," reasoned Nick.

"It's going to be several weeks before we know if it was a success. Sara can't continue like this. I should go and check on her," said Grissom as he stepped away from the nursery.

Sara splashed the cool water over her face as she tried to stave off the nausea.

Her body ached from the exhaustion.

The transplant was completed but David was very weak.

His cry tore at her as she could not find a way to comfort him from the pain.

Brass had made his way to the nursery a few times.

He'd become sick following the procedure and had been kept an extra day.

His depression did not help matters.

Nick and Greg took turns sitting with them.

Catherine soon appeared.

She tried to comfort Sara but Sara would have no part of it.

The others made attempts but she kept her distance as she sat there waiting for any news.

On the third day, Grissom woke alone.

He searched the halls but could not locate Sara.

He wondered if she had gone to sit with Brass but after a brief check, he found Brass asleep with no sign of his wife.

"Molly, have you seen Sara?" asked Grissom.

Molly glanced at Wendy. "She took the elevator some time ago…not sure where she went."

Grissom flipped open his phone and dialed hers.

He became worried when it went to voice mail.

She reappeared an hour later.

She stepped out of the elevator and slumped down on the bench.

Grissom tried to control the barrage of questions floating around in his brain but he held back.

She glanced once or twice at him.

"A…walk…I needed some air," she breathed.

He glanced down at her hand and saw that it was trembling.

"You don't owe me any explanation," he whispered as he sat down and took her hand. "I know this is hard for you."

She leaned back and closed her eyes.

"Why don't you lie down."

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but we're going to be evicted today…new patient," she said.

"Sara, you've been here for weeks. David is going to be here for another four or five weeks…"

She turned a light shade of green.

"How long do you intend to hide this from me?" he asked.

Her eyes shot to his.

Note from author:

Getting near the end....

Take care!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

"Sara, you're sick. You shouldn't be around David…you could risk…"

"I'm not contagious."

"See a doctor," he said. "Listen, I know you want to comfort him but…"

"You are not keeping him from me. I'm not contagious…I checked…I'm just run down."

"The next few days are going to be critical…his immune system has been wiped out," explained Grissom.

"I know that," she replied softly.

"You're turning three shades of green as I speak," he said sounding frustrated.

"Grissom…"

"Go home….rest...see a doctor…have them…"

"Grissom…"

"I'm not letting you…"

"Gil!"

It got his attention.

"I need to lie down," she said clutching the end of the bench.

His eyes darted around. "Molly!"

She was there immediately.

"Sara isn't feeling well," he said.

"Let's get her in the room down the hall," said Molly.

"But…" Sara was interrupted by Molly and another nurse as they started to escort her down the hall but Grissom lifted her.

"You've just become a patient," said Molly as she directed Grissom to another room on the other side of the hall.

"I'll get a doctor to take a look at her," said Molly as she ushered him out of the room.

"I want to stay…"

"If she's contagious then you need to stay healthy for David," warned Molly.

He left reluctantly.

Once he was gone Molly quickly turned to Sara.

"How did the appointment go this morning?" Molly asked.

"Anemic…a bit dehydrated."

"There's no such thing as a bit dehydrated," scowled Molly.

"My head is pounding," winced Sara as she lay down.

"You're dehydrated!"

Molly grabbed the phone. "I'm calling downstairs…get a doctor up here now so we can get an IV started."

Sara grabbed her arm. "He still doesn't know. He doesn't need to worry…about this."

"You need to tell him," Molly urged.

"After we know something about David," she breathed.

"Any cramping?" she asked.

"No….no spotting…it's just the nausea… head hurts… no energy."

"What do you want us to tell your husband?" asked the other nurse.

"Tell him…tell him you're going to make sure I'm not contagious."

Sara woke a few hours later to soft whispers.

She turned her head to see Grissom standing in the hallway with Catherine.

He glanced in her direction and smiled.

He was there by her side immediately.

"You're dehydrated," he announced.

She felt the IV.

"Another bottle and you should be good as new," he said. "You have nothing contagious although I've never heard of anyone turning green from dehydration."

"How is David?" she asked.

"His vitals are better…he seems to be sleeping a lot but they assured me it is normal. He's resting comfortably, Sara…first time in a long time."

She seemed relieved.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Better," she replied.

"They've admitted you…but they managed to get permission for you to stay on this floor."

She nodded.

"Feel like eating?" he asked.

"Food would be good," she breathed.

She was thankful the nausea did not return as she managed to eat most of the sandwich.

"I didn't know you like Ginger Ale," commented Grissom.

"Nurses have this or juice. I've gotten used to drinking it," she said.

"Jim is rocking David," he said softly.

She stared at him. "No one told me he was awake!"

"I'm sorry…I did that. Besides, Jim wanted to spend some time with him," replied Grissom.

"Gil…"

"Jim is pretty depressed right now. I think he needs to be with David."

She nodded.

"He uhm doesn't want us to tell David…he's going to honor Heather's last wishes."

"He could still be a part of his life," said Sara.

"I've told him that. I think he just wants to focus on David getting well."

He looked at her. "You still look tired."

"I am," she admitted.

"Go back to sleep. I'll wake you in a few hours so you can visit with David."

She nodded.

He was surprised she was so willing to give in.

A week passed and David continued to make progress.

Sara rested more and even slipped away a few hours spending it in their own bed while Brass stayed with David.

The pregnancy symptoms were becoming impossible to hide.

As she neared the fourth month, she knew she would need to tell Grissom.

Still, she wasn't ready to discuss the pregnancy with him.

She wanted to focus on bringing David home.

Sara stepped off the elevator and watched as Brass rocked David.

He chuckled when David tried to grab his nose.

Brass kissed him causing the baby to squeal with delight.

Sara smiled.

It was good to hear his laughter again.

"Hey," she said softly.

"He's felt good all evening," reported Brass.

Sara sat down beside them.

Immediately David extended his hands to her.

She took the baby and held him tight.

"He loves you very much," whispered Brass.

"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost him," she said.

"He's in remission," reminded Brass. "The nurses say he'll be going home in another week."

"It will be good to be home again," sighed Sara.

Brass became quiet.

"Jim, you know that Gil and I would never keep you from seeing David."

Brass smiled. "Heather entrusted him to Grissom…and you. She often spoke about you. She said that you were very kind to her…when I wasn't. I did love her."

"Grissom loved her too," replied Sara. "She was a very good friend to him."

"After her death, I um kept tabs on him...it was all that was left of her," he said. "I was glad you came back...I knew you would be a good mother to David."

They laughed when David clapped his hands.

"Sara, I never should have kept your pregnancy from Grissom."

"I recall asking you not to tell him…I wish I had never done that. I came between you and Heather."

"No, you didn't. I was jealous…of him with Heather. I'm glad that he was there for her."

"You would have been if you had known…about David," she whispered.

"And I would have fallen apart watching her die. Grissom didn't. He's taken care of David from the moment he was born. He's a good father," said Brass.

"You…are too," she said.

Brass glanced down at David. "I trust you and Grissom will take good care of David."

"I didn't know how much Grissom wanted our son until I saw him with David. He was so protective of him. When he told me he wasn't David's father and he couldn't be a donor, I was afraid for Grissom. I realized how much he blamed himself for our baby's death. I don't think we could have lost another child. Thank you, Jim," she whispered as she took his hand.

"I always knew you would be a good mother," said Brass. "When are you going to tell Grissom about the pregnancy?"

Her smile faded.

"The symptoms had me a bit worried. You okay?"

"Morning sickness was a bitch but I've survived," she said quietly.

"How far along?" he asked.

"Almost four months," she breathed. "Jim, David means as much to me as…"

He squeezed her hand. "You have nothing to prove…you've already done that. You've been here the whole time. You've been more devoted than some of these other mothers. I want to thank you for loving David as your own."

"I do," she said. "I would never treat him any different than…"

"Nothing to prove," he reemphasized as he hugged her.

He lay there in their bed as he watched her sleep.

It seemed like it had been months since they'd shared a bed together.

Brass and Catherine had forced her to come home for a few hours.

While David was recovering, she did not like coming home without him.

He propped up his head with his hand while his fingers gently removed the few strands of hair that fell across her face.

He'd managed to come home and slip into bed without waking her.

Even Hank's loud bark followed by whines did not wake her as he forced the dog out into the back yard.

She slowly stretched as his hand glided down her arm.

"When did you get home?" she asked sleepily.

"A few hours ago," he said leaning down to kiss her.

"Catherine and Jim…"

"I know. They're spoiling David as we speak," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

"Tomorrow," she breathed. "He comes home tomorrow."

"You nervous?" he asked as he felt her shiver.

"You think he's ready?" she asked.

He kissed her fully on the lips. "I felt this way the first time I brought him home. I was afraid…of everything and anything."

"You're a good father," she whispered.

"I know we talked about this already but I feel I owe you an explanation…about my deception. I should have told you I never slept with Heather."

"You were protecting David…I understand."

"Still, I never should have kept that from you. Lies or secrets…can destroy a marriage."

She tensed. "I should have told you about…William."

"You thought I had moved on…with Heather. I should have gone after you. I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry, Sara."

Both were quiet.

"Sara, I know this may be too soon to talk about with everything we've been through with David but…couldn't we discuss having another child?"

She sighed out loud.

"I know William's death was difficult…I'd hoped having David would help heal…your loss. I know David can't replace William but…"

"A boy or a girl?" she asked.

"What?"

"Would you want a boy or a girl?" she asked.

"I just want a child…with you, Sara. I want to go through the whole experience…I've heard the first few months can be hard."

"You uhm experienced it with Heather," she said softly.

"I did even notice she was pregnant. She had to tell me…even about the cancer," he said.

Sara took a deep breath.

"I know this might be painful for you. I uhm wasn't there for you…and William."

She clasped his face with her trembling hands. "That was my decision…I didn't let you know."

They both hugged each other tight.

"It could be different this time," he said.

"I'm scared…to death," she admitted.

"I'll be here…hopefully more attentive this time…know when you're pregnant."

She nodded with a slight smirk.

"So…does this mean you want to try?" he asked.

"I think it's too late," she said.

His face lost all expression.

"I've been trying to find a way to tell you…we've had so much to worry about. I didn't want to add to it."

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"I'm uhm pregnant…already," she blurted out.

He looked shocked.

"How uhm far along are you?" he asked.

"Almost four months," she admitted.

His hand jerked backed the covers as he fumbled with her gown. His hands did not stop until bare hands were caressing a slightly round abdomen.

"You were pregnant during David's illness?" he asked almost shouting.

"I finally took a pregnancy test when the nausea wouldn't go away. The nurses have been…helping me."

"The dehydration, the tiredness…Christ, Sara, you should have been…"

"I was not leaving David. He's mine…as much as he's yours," she huffed.

"Have you had any medical care?" he asked worriedly.

"I've been seen twice already…as soon as I found out I began prenatal vitamins."

"You should have told me! I could have…"

"Done what? Worried about David as well our unborn child? Gil, I wanted to protect you…make sure I wasn't going to have a miscarriage before letting you know."

"Miscarriage? Have you had complications? Of course you've had complications you were dehydrated from the nausea…was there anything else?"

She glanced down at the small bulge she'd been hiding. "Some cramping…a little spotting.."

He loomed over her as if he were about to explode with anger.

"The baby is fine. I never would have told you if…"

His scowl made her slink down into the bed.

"Is there anything else you've not told me?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Gil?"

He glared at her.

"This is supposed to be a happy moment…you look as if you want to…"

"I should throttle you! You've kept all of this to yourself…made all of the decisions…done all of the worrying…I uhm…"

He saw her cringe as pools of unshed tears threatened to erupt.

He quickly hugged her to him. "Thank you…Sara. Thank you for giving me another chance…I'm happy and worried and scared…to death but it's the most wonderful feeling."

Note from author:

The fluff....leave a review.

Take care!


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

Grissom held David while Sara put away the dishes.

"We're going to need a bigger house," said Grissom.

"I'm not moving in the middle of a pregnancy," she ordered.

"I'll take care of everything," he said with a huge smile on his face.

She stopped dead in her tracks. "What have you done?"

His eyes noticed the sudden tapping of her foot followed by the hands on the much expanded hips. He could not seem to take his eyes from her midsection.

She was absolutely the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"You're uhm hips…"

She glanced down suddenly. "What about my hips?" she bellowed.

He swallowed as he clutched David tight.

"Pregnancy…becomes you," he merely stated as he tried to back away from her.

Of course his comments were often misconstrued.

He blamed it on hormones and had learned to stay clear when she had that look in her eye.

"I'm not moving…I don't have the energy to go through…What is that in your pocket?"

He shoved the paper down deeper as he continued his attempt to escape.

"I was going to talk with you…about it," he murmured.

"You bought a house," she fumed with arms folded.

"It was a steal," he blurted out.

"You bought a house without even consulting me?" she gawked.

"Sara…"

"You move. I'm staying," she said as she headed toward the laundry room.

He quickly changed gears and abandoned all thoughts of escaping.

He sought after her as she dodged around furniture with her bulging abdomen.

"Sara, you need to get off your feet," he urged. "I'll do the laundry…have you seen my black socks? I can't seem to find a single pair."

He frowned when he saw Hank with something black in his mouth.

She whirled around causing her stomach to bump into him.

He glanced down and grinned. "We shouldn't put the children in the middle of our squabbles."

He felt a kick.

He gently caressed the bulge.

She stepped back. "Don't follow so closely!"

"Sara, you have to admit we need more space. We need a nursery."

"We have a nursery," she said.

"David is occupying that room. A girl needs…pink pace and swirly…things," he said.

She stared at him. "Little girls can like…"

"Okay, what do you suggest? Let them share a room?" he asked.

"We can…share our room until…I don't know…I just want to focus on…"

She didn't finish.

He quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms.

David grabbed Sara but Grissom refused to let her hold his full weight.

They remained huddled together.

"Momma!" announced David. "Momma sad."

Sara kissed David's chubby cheeks fiercly.

Grissom kissed Sara the same.

"You're afraid something is going to happen this time…it's not," he consoled.

"All I can think about…is William. I had everything planned…every detail and that driver destroyed all of those plans. One minute I was pregnant with a beautiful baby boy on the way and then I was holding him as he…died."

He rubbed her back. "This time will be different."

She sniffled. "What uhm kind of house…did you buy?"

He pulled out the piece of paper and handed it to her.

She gawked at the real estate notice.

"This is a five bedroom house," she exclaimed.

"They each need a room of their own…we need a guest room when we force the gang to stay and help."

"What's the fifth room for?" she asked.

"The twins…won't share a room forever…they'll want their own room," he said.

She gulped.

"You think they're both girls but I think that one of them is a boy," grinned Grissom.

"There's no proof. The ultrasound wasn't conclusive," she said.

He smiled. "Are you going to be alright…if one of them is a boy?"

"I uhm want that more than anything," she admitted.

"I know, honey. You want to bring your son home. This time we will bring our daughter ….and son home. We're going to be busy, Sara."

"I'm ready," she said.

She wasn't ready.

The moment her water broke, Hank escaped from the back yard with a little help from some little fingers.

She'd gone inside to call for help with the dog but David had crawled under the table with her wallet.

Sara had gone after him only to become trapped from the contraction and the warmth oozing between her legs while the doorbell rang.

"David, come to mommy," she pleaded.

"Dada home," he announced.

"No…Dada wouldn't knock," she wailed through the contraction.

David stood up and headed out of the kitchen as Sara called for him.

"David James, you get back here! Mommy needs help," she whined.

She heard footsteps.

"That's it. Come back to mommy," she urged.

"David?"

"Mommy stuck?" he asked.

"Mommy needs help," she said. "Go get the door…no! I don't know who it is. Get the phone! No! I put it on top of…ohhhhh! That hurt!"

Sara tried to see David but he had left the kitchen once more.

"David!"

She panted through the contraction.

She panicked when she heard the front door being opened.

_How did he get the locks undone?_

"David!" she wailed.

"Sara?" called out Greg.

"Greg! I need help!"

Greg squatted down and chuckled. "Got stuck? You know this reminds me when you got stuck in the bath tub and Nick…"

His face turned white when she screamed through the contraction.

"Ambulance! I'm getting an ambulance," he said quickly.

"Where's David?" she cried.

She felt small hands around her neck from behind.

She quickly grabbed him and held onto him.

"Mommy hurt?" he asked.

"Mommy needs David to stay with her," she begged.

"Okay, Mommy," he said as he plopped himself down on the floor.

There was another knock on the door.

Sara and Greg exchanged glances.

"I'll call the ambulance first…then answer it," said Greg.

He fumbled for his cell phone as he ran toward the door.

"I need an ambulance…"

He opened the door and let Brass in as he rattled off the address.

"What happened?" asked Brass quickly.

"Sara's gone into labor," said Greg.

Brass headed toward the bedroom but Greg stopped him.

"She's under the kitchen table," said Greg.

"What the hell is she doing under the table? Where is David?" he asked as he ran into the kitchen.

"Jim!"

Brass quickly knelt down under the table.

He chuckled when he saw Sara lying there with David by her side.

"He crawled under here…I came after him…I got stuck," she wailed.

"Let me help," instructed Brass as he maneuvered her bulging tummy.

"Greg, grab David. Put a leash on him if you have to," called Sara.

"Been rambunctious today?" chuckled Brass.

"He let Hank out. I haven't even had time to look for the dog."

"Sara, you're going to need help with David after the twins come home."

"I just can't run after him right now," she moaned.

"No wonder. Looks like you swallowed a watermelon," muttered Greg.

Sara shot Greg a nasty look.

"I like watermelon," whined Greg.

With a few tugs, Brass pulled Sara free from the table.

He was not prepared for the blood curdling scream that tore from Sara.

"Greg, take David next door to Mrs. Conner," yelled Brass.

Greg grabbed the young boy and ran with him.

He waited until Sara recovered from the contraction.

"Sara, you've got to tell me…are we in trouble here? Can you hold off until…"

Another scream followed as he held her hand through the pain.

"We're in…trouble!" she gasped.

"I think I already figured that out," he said as he assessed their situation.

"Okay, I'm going to lean you against the door. Okay?"

She nodded.

Once she was sitting up, he ran to the linen closet and grabbed several towels along with a couple of sheets.

He returned with the stash.

Sara glanced at the sheets.

"Not my good sheets!" she whined.

Brass rolled his eyes. "I'll buy you new ones."

He quickly worked placing the towels underneath Sara. He then spread the sheet over her.

She glanced at him.

"Now what?" she asked.

"I uhm don't know. They always grab towels and sheets in the movies…even in the hospital," he said as she cursed through the contraction.

Greg ran back into the house. "I left a message for Grissom."

Sara cursed again. "He never checks his messages."

Greg looked at Sara and then Brass. "The ambulance will be here soon."

Sara's body stiffened.

She grabbed Brass by the arm.

"Jim, we don't have time…I feel the baby's head," she wailed.

"No head!" yelled Greg. "Shove it back inside!"

"You try holding in an…" she didn't finish as another forceful contraction rocked her body.

She gasped for air.

"Sara! You've got to breathe, honey," cautioned Brass. "Greg, get a washcloth and hold it over her forehead."

Greg returned with the washcloth.

Brass grumbled. "It needs to be wet!"

"Sorry! I don't know anything about birthing babies!" yelled Greg.

The three looked at one another. Sara started with a snort followed by Brass and then Greg joined in the laughter.

It was interrupted by another contraction.

"Jim, I'm scared," she cried.

Greg and Brass exchanged glances.

Greg quickly sat down behind Sara and pulled her body against his.

She grabbed his hands as he coached her through the next contraction.

Brass eased Sara's legs into position.

"I can see the head!" announced Brass.

"Just get it to come out," panted Sara. "I feel like I'm going to split into!"

"Push Sara!"

She fell back against Greg in sheer exhaustion as she tried to push.

"One more time," Brass yelled.

She screamed as she pushed again.

Brass watched in amazement as the small baby slipped into his hands.

He quickly leaned the baby forward in an attempt to clear its airway.

A huge wail erupted.

"He's got quite a set of lungs on him!" announced Brass.

"A boy?" she asked.

"A boy," smiled Brass.

Greg quickly went into action.

"We need to cut the umbilical cord," said Greg.

He fumbled in one of the drawers and pulled out something.

"Use this string to tie it off."

"A turkey string?" gawked Sara. "What next? Going to use the bag to…"

"If it can hold….look we have to improvise here," he said in a huff.

"Thought you didn't know anything about birthing babies?" asked Brass.

"Yeah, well I'm not a geek for nothing," Greg replied.

Brass quickly wrapped the baby in a towel and handed him to Sara.

She stared at the small baby. "He's uhm so small," she cried.

"He's only a few weeks early, Sara," soothed Greg.

She doubled over when the other contraction hit. Greg grabbed the baby from her.

"I think sister is about to be delivered," said Greg as he held the baby.

One push brought the baby forth into the world.

Brass quickly repeated the process.

He glanced at Greg when the baby did not cry.

"What's wrong?" asked Sara. "I don't hear any crying."

Brass rubbed the baby's back as a small cry erupted.

Sara sighed as she began to cry.

"Another boy!" announced Brass.

"Wait! It's supposed to be a girl," said Sara.

Brass displayed the baby.

"That's a boy," said Greg.

Brass handed the newborn to Sara.

"Two boys," she breathed.

"Disappointed?" asked Brass.

She shook her head. "I uhm just wanted them healthy."

They looked up when they heard the ambulance arriving.

Greg handed the other baby to Brass. "I'll go get them."

Greg had no sooner stood when Grissom came rushing into the house.

"Sara!" he yelled.

"In here," called Brass.

Grissom stepped into the kitchen and stared at the display.

"We have twins," announced Sara.

Grissom smiled.

"Boys," she announced.

"You mean boy and…"

"Boys," she announced.

"Looks like you've got the makings of a baseball team," chuckled Brass.

Grissom sat down in the floor and took the baby from Brass.

"I'll give both of you a minute," said Brass as he stepped out of the kitchen.

"We have boys," beamed Grissom.

Sara leaned back.

The paramedics rushed in and began to assess the babies.

Sara leaned into Grissom's arms.

"They're beautiful, Sara," he whispered.

"Gil? I lost Hank."

"No, you didn't. He's sitting on the front step."

She smiled.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"He's chewing on your nice running shoes."

She didn't care.

She was too busy counting fingers and toes.

Note from author:

One last chapter and then that's it....

Take care,

Penny


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**Epilogue**

"You go," Sara whined.

"I went last time," mumbled Grissom as he rolled over and hid his head under the pillow.

"Gil, they're your sons. I gave birth…on the floor…with Brass and Greg as my…"

"Don't you think you've used that excuse enough?" he huffed.

"I breastfed them…even when…"

"I'm up," he whined.

Sara's mouth curled into a smile.

She watched as Grissom padded down the hall.

He jerked open the bedroom door and caught David about to slug Matthew with a pillow.

"Boys, go to sleep!" he bellowed.

Matthew dropped the pillow he was holding and began to wail.

His brother Ethan joined in.

David looked guiltily at Grissom. "I'm sorry, daddy."

Sara scrambled out of the bed and hurried into the room.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Daddy yelled at us," said Matthew.

"I did not!" scoffed Grissom.

Matthew and Ethan ran to Sara wrapping their arms around her legs.

She glared at Grissom as she protectively hugged the boys.

"David, go to your room," she said softly as her hand reached out and cupped his small face.

"Night Mommy," he said as he kissed her before scurrying out of the room.

Grissom watched as Sara tucked the boys into their beds.

Grissom had spent hours decorating the room to resemble a jungle.

There different shapes and colors of every insect imaginable.

He'd been proud of his accomplishment.

Sara had said nothing about the lifelike creatures.

David had stared at the walls and announced, "It's scary."

"Your room is like…"

"My room has nice bugs," interjected David.

Grissom had ignored his young son's opinion; that is until the twins became toddlers and they too objected to the creepy crawly critters.

"I don't like it in here," whined Matthew.

"Why not?" asked Grissom.

"I don't like bugs," the young boy whined.

"He takes after you," whispered Grissom.

One look and Grissom cowered from Sara.

Ethan grabbed Sara's hand. "Love you Mommy."

She scooped the smallest of her boys into her arms and kissed him.

"Love you too," she whispered.

They shut the door and stepped back into their room.

"Sara, they're getting out of hand," warned Grissom.

"No they're not," she replied.

"They need more discipline," he said.

His head snapped around when she scoffed at him.

"Boys need a firm hand," he warned.

"Like you've ever laid a finger on any of them," she huffed.

He threw back the covers and patted the side beside him.

"Do you see what time it is?" she asked.

"We're awake. We might as well make used of…"

"I want to go back to sleep," she whined.

"You've seemed tired these days," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

"You chase three boys and a dog around all day and…" she stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she mumbled.

He rolled over to face her. "Sara…"

"I'm late…again."

The meaning behind her words bowled him over.

"You mean…you could be pregnant?" he asked.

She nodded.

They both slid down into the covers.

The room was silent.

Minutes passed.

They finally glanced at one another.

"How bad could it get?" he whispered.

"Right," she replied nervously. "We already have three boys."

"It could be a girl this time," he said hopefully.

"Right."

Silence returned.

"So uhm…does this mean you could be eight weeks pregnant?" he asked.

"I've been skipping every other month so when I didn't have my period last month I didn't think anything about it…until now."

"There was that uhm night when we sort of got carried away," he grinned.

"We do have that extra bedroom. Besides, the boys won't sleep without each other," she said.

Grissom nodded.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"You don't think we would have twins again. Do you?"

She shook her head viciously.

Six months later, they welcomed their new additions.

Sara and Grissom looked shell shocked as they held their newborn daughters.

Sara's hand slipped into Grissom's.

"You think Catherine is going to let me hold my daughter any time soon?" asked Sara.

"No."

"Griss?"

"Hmmm?"

"We're going to need a bigger house," she said.

"I think you're right," he said as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

Sara did the same.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"You think Greg and Nick can handle the boys?" asked Sara.

"Jim gave them handcuffs to play with," chuckled Grissom.

"The guys or the kids?" she asked suddenly.

"The guys."

"You don't think they would handcuff my boys do you?"

"Of course….they would…self preservation."

"Gilbert!"

He patted her hand as his eyes remained closed.

"Get some sleep," he murmured.

"I want to hold one of my daughters," she whined.

"Jim is not about to hand over that baby yet…neither is Catherine," he yawned.

"But…we're the parents!" she protested.

"Very tired parents," he reminded her. "You should rest. I imagine when Greg and Nick get out of those handcuffs; they'll be calling for reinforcements."

"You should discipline them more," huffed Sara.

"You'd never let me harm a hair on their head. Why just the other day when I caught David throwing a box of crayons into the dryer, you lectured me about raising my voice."

"You did," she said as she yawned.

"My white shirts were in there. I'm still trying to get melted crayon out of the dryer," he grumbled.

Sara smiled. "He wanted to see what a rainbow looked like."

"It's not funny, Sara."

She tried not to grin. "He caught a grasshopper the other day and showed it the boys."

"Really?" asked Grissom.

"He said not to be afraid because his daddy told him grasshoppers would not harm you and his daddy would never do anything to hurt them."

Grissom smiled. "That's my boy."

"Discipline, huh?" she smirked.

"We should sit them down and give them a firm talk...maybe in a few days...after we've recovered from this...delivery," he said.

"Delivery? Who gave birth?" she countered.

"I don't know who Greg and Jim did it," he muttered. "One minute you're cursing at me and the next you're screaming...I still can't feel my hand."

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"The girls…are going to have us wrapped around their fingers…just like the boys."

"We'll hire Catherine and Jim to discipline them."

"Right," chuckled Sara. "Jim was conned into building the boys a tree house outback."

"A treehouse? No one told me about a…"

"The boys thought you needed a tree house…so you could be closer to bugs."

Grissom smiled. "I had a tree house when I was growing up. It was…Sara, are you listening?"

She was sound asleep.

He slid down further into the hospital bed wrapping his arms around her and slept also.

The End….

Really….

That's it…

Note from author:

Thanks to everyone who has left a review for every chapter. After much thought and consideration, I am going to stop posting for awhile. I will try to finish the remaining stories I've started and then eventually get them onto fanfiction. I think many have stopped visiting fanfiction anyway since the characters are no longer on CSI. For those who have remained loyal and do leave a review after reading, thank you. There are some who never leave a review but read along…or at least you tag the story to be notified when a new chapter is released. Some have even sent private messages and griped about leaving a review. Imagine that…It takes them perhaps 5 or more minutes to read something that I took an hour or so to write....now multiply that by the number of chapters in each story...

Anyway, I really appreciate every reader and I truly enjoy your comments. I've gotten a few emails thanking me for writing the story. It was my pleasure...at least it used to. Somehow the joy is no more so I'm going to stop for awhile. I enjoyed listening to your comments. It was the reason I spent hours on top of hours coming up with ideas and then writing the story. It is a long process as some of you may already know but I share them with those who share my passion for GSR.

Take care,

Penny


End file.
